Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Early interest in the opposite sex

My son has had a couple of crushes on girls, as early as about 2nd grade. He is very social and friends with everyone, but tends not to have a best friend per se. The first moved away to a different state - he was hopeful she would return, but it wasn't to be. The second was in 5th grade - he was 10 - and he and a few other boys liked her. He actually got into a scuffle with a friend over her LOL Apparently, she made him "tingle" inside. He's 11 and now in Middle School - there is one girl I think he likes, but he hasn't admitted it yet

Just a quick note - (in a hurry lol) - I'm with the folks who noted this doesn't sound like it's all *that* young. It's not going to hit every child at this age, but there have been quite a few kids in my children's classes who started showing interest in the opposite sex in a non-friend sort of way from 4th grade on up. It was just a smattering here or there of kids with no idea really what they were talking about, but by 5th grade there were definitely kids who were interested and aware.

I'm probably not saying that well - sorry I had to post and run so quickly!

Best wishes,

polarbear

I fell in love with a boy in 4th grade. He and I remained friends until we were 16 and then we dated for 2 years. I think by 4th grade, when you meet someone special, you'd have the awareness to know.

He is happily married now and while it's been a long time since I had any romantic feelings for him, I still think of him as someone who has a really positive influence on my life. I do believe these "early" relationships make imprints that can last a life time.

Relating to the physical side I'll be the negative voice...

I would say it is normal (esp if you are in a home where there is non biologically related male - according to some research.)

I was this kid, although closer to 9 years old. I was VERY aware of what was going on as well. I was exceptionally fortunate that I was goofy looking, had found myself surrounded by shy boys my own age, and responsible non molestery type adults as I would have been easy pickings. I wasn't lonely just very curious. I also had terrible self esteem and used male attention to improve my self perception.

I would say just keep a close eye on your DD's friends, and self esteem. I believe if you keep her feeling good about herself she will have the ability to make the right decisions about her body. She's going to be interested when she's ready. I guess your job is to keep that interest in an appropriate format for your family.
My parents were oblivious and would have described me as you describe your daughter, FWIW I didn't "mature" until I was over 13.

I am not sure whether this is what you describe - but ds8 has rather intense crushes. He clearly has a crush on his best friend in school - thank god she likes him a lot too, and so does her mom, though she also has close friends among the girls in class and DS just prefers her company above that of the other boys. I realized that the relationship was more intense for DS than just an ordinary elementary school boy girl friendship when I took him to her house for a play date and we brought a sweater she had forgotten somewhere. DS, sitting in the passenger seat in the car, sniffed the sweater, inhaled deeply in fact, and was very embarrassed when he noticed me noticing. I made a noncommittal remark about how it's interesting that you often can tell who a piece of clothing belongs to just by the smell, and he nodded, looking relieved. I kinda thought that was early at the age of 7.

I don't think it's young for crushes at all. (DD has had crushes since 7ish. I know some kids don't have them at all till much later, but DH and I both did and DD is like us, I guess.) I think it's a bit on the young side for serious romantic interest, which is what I see developing in my daughter. I have no idea if a physical interest is there. I'm thinking no. It's more that the readiness for emotional/romantic intensity is early.

I am aware of at least two other boys who have had crushes on DD, so she seems to attract interest from the other side as well. (I don't think DD ever knew! Their moms told me.) She may be "crushable" for certain types of boys because she is interested in some "boy" things and is friendly and outgoing and happy to run around, get dirty, etc.

I had early interest. I'm male, and it began around age 10.

Interest beginning around age 11 for a girl does not sound all that unusual. Her level of intensity may be unusual, but that is just who she is, and it may be a component of her giftedness.

In my case, the objects of my interest were always considerably older than I was--as in, 5 years to a decade or two older. If your DD's interest remains limited to a boys only a few years older than she is, then that will be much easier to manage than my situation was.

All of this to say: Your DD seems just fine.

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