Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments When DO you change schools??

As I stated in another section, DD9 is not excited about going back to yet another year of school. Because she doesn't share much, we didn't know just how much she disliked school until recently.
Yesterday we had a great visit with a psychologist who works strictly with kids, many who have been diagnosed with ADHD. DD was diagnosed ADHD inattentive type last spring. For the first time I felt like we met someone who could really help our daughter and DH and I (parenting skills!!). Psych. just looked at the scores and bluntly stated that no public school in this area would be able to accommodate her because of her IQ. She even called DD an "outlier" as schools cater to the middle section of kids. Wow. DH and I really were hit with that - we kind of thought that, but to have the psych say it was powerful.
Ok, today we went to the meet the teacher event at DD's school. Several of us parents swarmed the AG teacher to find out what was going on with the AG for this year. We find out that it's being cut to nothing (maybe 30 minutes a week?) AND the AG teacher is being pushed into "co-teaching" with the regular teachers. Well, AG wasn't much to begin with so what do we have now? In addition, the school has always made a point of putting placing kids together with at least one special friend in the next grade. Big sister got both her BFFs in her class. DD did not. What is that???? Her friend is the one highlight of school!!! Our other hope for this school was single subject acceleration in math. She still has that with a really sweet teacher. DD will be with the 5th graders for math.
So, do we do sit tight and see how this goes? One mom whose child is gifted place him in a "STEAM" charter school, and she recommended it (it's brand new and may have spaces left). Another mom just said do home schooling. I already have DD set up in a supplemental academy for gifted kids (meets after school hours). I just feel overwhelmed at making a change and then wonder if it's the right thing to do. On a side note, DD has had some trauma in her life, and so I worry about more change for her.

Take your DD to the prospective schools for tours and see what she thinks. My DS who was resistant to change sat through the tours, participated in classroom activities, attended a meeting with admissions director where they showed him what curriculum they covered and he changed his mind and wanted to go to the private school I had chosen. He also met 3 other boys during that orientation and became friends with them. He remembers his old friends fondly, but does not regret the change at all.

So, try to involve your DD as much as possible and take her input into consideration.

You've received some great advice above.

Families change school placement when they have found another learning environment with a better "fit" for their child's current needs.

If you are somewhere that there are actually options by all means explore them.

I don't know when school starts, but if you have time, visit the STEAM school and see what you think. If sounds like she has some talent/interest in that area (math, etc). If we had that here I would probably jump at the chance. If you don't have time I would have her start, be as cheery about it as possible, and see if she turns her attitude around. See how it goes. Ask her how school is going but try not to make the questions leading like "So was school boring today?" Sometimes I wonder if DS is saying what he thinks he should say (based on overhearing conversations I've had or whatever--it drives me nuts that he's always right there or nearby when I need to talk about him to psychologists, teachers, other parents etc.) You can still visit the STEAM school even if there is not time to switch before school starts (probably talk to them on your own at first). If you think you are going to switch try to do it as early as you can, without rushing a decision. My big regret with DS last year was that I waited til around Feb. to take him out and transfer, and by then he was making more friends in his class (he did have his best friend already). I kept waiting and waiting for his teacher to do the things she had told me in an IEP meeting that she was going to do, they never happened, but she strung us along. It's not easy to know when or if to switch, since you don't know how exactly things will go until she is there and time has passed. I would give the regular school/new teacher a chance, though, before homeschooling, unless the STEAM school looks like it clearly is a better match.

We decided to change schools after realizing that even though the school was offering to offer more differentiation and some acceleration this year, it still wasn't going to be enough.We worked really hard on advocating for the upcoming year, and the school was willing to make changes, but we realized that the even with the changes, the majority of each day our children were still going to be expected to do work they had already mastered. It just wasn't a good fit, and no amount of advocacy was going to be able to make it fit, even though the school was working with us. They are just not set up to offer the type "individualized" education my sons need right now. We left on good terms and may even return to the school district at a later date.

My sons were becoming disengaged and starting to dramatically underperform in subjects in which they their actual knowledge has been documented by testing to be extremely high (in first grade). That sounds like an exaggeration, but as one example, one son was literally at the bottom of his class's performance in one daily activity that should have been easy for him (and one in which the kids tracked their progress on a posted board in class), and he frankly didn't care. This went on for months, and to us it just highlighted his growing disengagement. Frankly, that along with a few other examples scared us enough to make a change. He was developing a pattern of disengagement that was becoming ingrained. Not a good thing for early elementary school...

We are changing schools this year because our son was bored/frustrated last year. Having already moved our older son, I have to say that at least in these younger years, transferring is way more traumatic for the parents than the kids! Our older son is thriving in his new environment and that has made it much easier to move our younger son. I think we know as parents when a school is not working for our child.

We switched when we knew a skip or even double skipping wouldn't do the trick.
My wife would say it was when the HA/GT Director said he was an anomaly. I have never saw a lady so mad. That was some meeting.

We have so far always opted to "stay and fix" rather than leave. In your shoes I'd probably simultaneously look at other options and try to sleuth out what the issues are that could be fixed in the current placement.

If things truly can't be fixed, and there's a better option right there, that makes it easier to choose.

This is what we did when DS was in 2nd. We worked with our local school to get a grade skip, and when that wasn't enough, we worked and worked to try to get a better fit. But then an opening popped up in a better-fit school, and we transferred our kiddo midyear. We are making another switch now (6th) because the school-within-a-school program ends, and we didn't feel the district's middle school programming would work well for our DS10. We toured 4 schools and we all liked a new STEAM/experiential learning school best, despite zero GT programming. We'll find out soon if we made a good choice!

Like others, I recommend touring the other options. Ask questions about the things you really want for your DD.

We're "changers." DD11 has been in four schools in six years and she was fine in all but one (the virtual at-home one -- too lonely and only lasted six months). We got some very good advice early on when she was tested that there may not be one right solution and that something that works for a while may not work forever. So we were willing to give stuff a try. I also got some bad advice from a school psychologist who indicated that switching schools was going to be massively emotionally traumatic and a major risk. That wasn't born out by our experience.

DD has friends at her old school and new one (and friends outside of school too) and seems pretty well-adjusted. Sure, there are issues finding friends who are more like her, but that's the case anywhere she goes.

Her current school is so flexible that we think it will work for some time, but only because we're allowed to switch things up within the system. For example, last winter break we switched up most of her classes to harder ones. And this year we're making another big jump.

If you have options explore them (no harm in looking) and I second the advice to involve your daughter as much as possible. Also don't be afraid to switch mid-year for the right opportunity -- we did that twice and it was fine.

I think switching mid-year can work, and DS was fine, but he did feel bad about leaving friends behind. It's not nearly as hard switching at the beginning of the school year, when everyone is kind of mixed up anyway and looking for new friends. DD switched classes due to grade acceleration mid-year as well and I think by the time she moved a lot of the girls already had their "best friend" and kind of ignored her. She ended up making friends with another new girl that came shortly after her (and everyone ignored the other new girl as well). It was a kind of odd class where the kids didn't seem particularly sociable. But she was fine. The kids were much friendlier when DS switched for whatever reason (both did mid-year switches in first grade). The upper grades are probably harder for girls than first grade.