Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion To test or not to test OR help with panicky moment

I am not even sure how to word this, but I am having several freak out moments lately and I am really hoping that someone here can tell me honestly that this is "normal" in this situation and that it will work out okay.

My oldest had a traumatic time at school and just over 2 years ago we took him out of grade0 (K) for 9 months of therapy, followed by a long period of self acceptance before he started wanting to learn again about 10 months ago. He has blossomed at home, but we have still not been totally sure about what level of work would provide adequate challenge. Finally this weekend he accidentally discovered a Cambridge Pre-IGCSE maths book (grade 8/9) that a friend of mine got for her 11 year old son to use at home. He gleefully exclaimed that he could do some of the things, and tht the rest was new and looked to be challenging "finally!". He assumed it was his and asked when we could start.

I chatted to DH and we decided to set him some personal goals to be ready for this in January. He is super keen.

That was panic moment number 1 for this past weekend.

yesterday Nathan (5) discovered the same book. With the same result and eerily similar conversation.

I've known for a while that Nathan will pass Aiden. I have posted my concerns about this before.

In jest yesterday DH said that Nathan should be starting grade 1 in January could just use his first day of "high school" work as his official "first day of school".

He thought it great that we can provide what they need in a manner suited to their obvious asynchronous development. I agree.

It didn't stop me from a personal freak out that left me realising that never ever will I even be able to share their future coursework or exam results with anyone we actually know in real life without some sort of backlash.

It sucks. Dh asked this morning if we should get them both IQ tested just so we have quantitative "proof" of ability. I don't see it as necessary because I cannot see it changing anything we do.

I guess I just needed to share this, and ask for reassurance that they will be okay. That I , we will be okay.

not sure what I need really. I don't IRL know anyone else with kids like mine. And I really really right now need to know that it will be okay

I really, really hope that you can meet at least one real-life person with children like yours. It does help, although you are right that it doesn't change the fact that one can't talk freely with the "regular" people you see most often. We have been lucky to meet two other families with PG children. Although we rarely see them, it's nice to know they are out there.

Dear Madoosa,

I totally get it! And I wish someone had told ME it would be all right. I really, really think it will be. My dc's are in high school now. We went through the whole wringer of public school #1, public school #2, homeschool and now an online school/homeschool hybrid, which works for us, but we are constantly having to raise the bar. Gifted kids do tend to outstrip the standard stuff in stunning fashion, but -- if you can! :-) -- try to enjoy it. My kids aren't as mathy as yours, but they read fluently (entirely self-taught) by age 3. I had a second-grader reading OLIVER TWIST (and a teacher trying to take it away).

The loneliness -- not be able to share what your kids can do or talk through your mixture of pride and concern -- is real and lasting. And what is hard is to see some of that loneliness in the dc's. They occasionally find their people, but often there just aren't any around. I tell them to wait till graduate school! :-)

The parental time commitment, too, is stunning, and it takes awhile to come to terms with. I never, ever thought I would homeschool. But I am. In time, they will go to college, and I won't do it anymore. Gradually, I've come to terms with it as a privilege to work with these dc's -- and, as you say, to meet their needs.

But I totally get the panic, and I hope some sympathy/empathy helps a little.

On the testing point. We had them tested primarily to silence our critics (inside and outside the family) who thought that we were doing the dc's a disservice by homeschooling. Because "homeschooling couldn't possibly hold a candle to the excellent public and private schools their kids attend!" DCs' admissions to national gifted programs (Duke TIP, CTY) with 99% scores were very helpful on this. But I still do standardized testing once a year for the same reason -- so they can't say that even though the kids are bright they aren't at grade level. (!!!! How about three grades above plus???!!!)

I don't ever offer these scores unless attacked, BTW. :-)

Madoosa, you are here. So you are not truly alone! Many of us are here for you. We are cheering for you and your DC!!!

Truthfully, the idea of IQ testing my DC, before we did it - kind of creeped me out. IQ testing, however, in one of its forms, is actually pretty inevitable in our local schools. We waited to test until we needed it for school or special programs. One test is one snapshot, but for a very bright DC, it can be POWERFUL. It is a TOOL. It can be a snapshot for others of what it is that you see every day that is DIFFERENT than the norm. I am no longer creeped out by the testing, although I do NOT think it is a be-all-end-all; rather, it is something objective (beyond my maternal gut-feelings) that can qualify my DC for services that they NEED.

Also, my DC have been fortunate. The testing tools DID capture their gifts. I DO think that there are other DC out there with gifts and talents that are NOT well-measured with the currently-available testing.

IRL, I am VERY secretive about my DC's test scores. This is the ONLY place where I feel like I can discuss my DC! Here, my DC seem "normal"! But yes, I understand. Not having any IRL people to discuss your children with can feel very isolating.

Your DC indeed sound unique and special - if you decide to test them, NOTHING can take away from them what it is that you are seeing. The tests themselves are just a one tool and just one one snapshot in time.

We do not homeschool, but many here do. I am sure that many of us here, though, wish to be a supportive "community" for you and your family - even though we may be far away!

We also didn't test until it was needed to get into a cool program. It was nice to have outside confirmation of what I saw with him. We homeschool too now, and evry few months it seems we are reevaluating and again deciding to continue homeschooling. I am considering doing yearly acheivement testing just like GF2 in order to demonstrate that homeschooling is working just fine. Besides, my kid loves tests! Lol. Public school didn't work out too well.

It is a bit isolating having such an unusual kid. I have an easy way to be able to talk about it a bit though, with long time friends because they watched us go through the process of getting lots of therapy for his aspergers diagnosis. So, the fact tht he's getting special things for being super smart now kindof balances out and my friends are happy to see that. Thank goodness.

It will be ok!

Yay, internet! Of course, I know it's not the same...

As to your children finding true peers: they may or may not find peers in the community, but they will find individuals who share certain aspects of them, and putting together their various relationships, that will be enough; no one person can or should be all to any of us.

And your boys have each other. Believe me, those relationships will be enormously important, and ultimately supportive, not only for the usual family reasons, but because, with all their learning distinctives, they are still likely to be more like peers than most others. Plus, when they someday have gifted offspring, they'll be able to share the experience with each other. =)

We tested at 4 and once more after that. The results were very useful to me because, not only did I have numbers that were useful to me, it also showed me my son's strengths and weaknesses. For the last 2 years, I have increased the rigor and acceleration of subjects that my son likes to study to a far greater extent than I would have normally done if I had just assumed that my son was bright or gifted. The level of giftedness convinced me that he needed more acceleration than was possible in conventional settings.
I have also used his test results to get him into some gifted programs for enrichment and meeting peers. And he has 2 mentors who are reputed in their fields who teach him and guide him - and the reason they accepted him was based on his IQ test results, his achievement test results and his work portfolio in that subject.

So, if testing will gain you entry into select programs or help you find peers for your kids, I would recommend you to do it. Testing also helps to identify any issues like vision tracking, learning issues etc and if you suspect any thing of that sort, then it is good to evaluate earlier than later.

Good luck.

thank you all for your kind words and support I feel so blessed to have this safe space.

thank you!

I will comment more in a day or two on this, I am still feeling a bit shaky, which is totally out of character for me, but that's okay too.