Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Thoughts? Advice?

My son is doing a two week creative writing class. At the end of the camp the children put their stories on an overhead to share at a parent assembly and it gets included in an anthology. In a text box next to the story is an "about the author." My son's reads "DS [full name] hates school but loves learning. He thinks that school is boring. He hates handwriting because he has dysgraphia and Ehlers Danlos but he loves writing (on the computer). DS is 8 turning 9 and leaving 2nd grade."

So, what do y'all think of this? Maybe I am as warped as my kid but I loved it. Peers/friends at the camp told him it was "not positive enough." This is a criticism he gets A LOT. Kids his age seem only want to hear positive things and happy endings. They are very bothered by negative words or an expression of dislike . They were completely floored by his admitting he hates school and they said it makes no sense that someone would "hate school but love learning." DS is not easily put off, he told them it would make total sense if they had half a brain. Anyway, the instructor was fine with it but told him he should probably removed the info about dysgraphia and EDS. I told him to keep it in - it raises awareness and it is nothing to be ashamed of and it is a big part of who is.

So, any thoughts?

I'll share my thoughts, but will first share a little about me so you'll understand where they are coming from. I'm a glass-overflowing personality and very upbeat and positive. I wouldn't personally write anything like that at all, ever, that's just me. I've been told by people who love me that I'm so danged perky I sound happy and ready to party when I'm so sick I can hardly stand. SOOO…. I have a bit of a bias/filter re what I'd personally write in your ds' situation.

Sooo… if this was one of my kids, I'd encourage them to not be blunt. I would point out - who do they think will see/read this? What if someone from school sees it and takes it personally or remembers it? That might mean that person will in turn make a judgment about you (child) later when you want them to be thinking highly of you.

I would also ask - what does this have to do with the creative writing class (please don't flog me for asking that - I totally get how handwriting is wrapped up in everything!).. but really, this is a creative writing class, right? What did he like about the class itself? Since your ds loves writing, I would guide him to write a bit about what type of creative writing he enjoys, or how he writes from his life experiences (if he does) or how he dreams up his characters etc.

Lastly, it's supposed to be a description of your ds. True, he has ED and dysgraphia and he hates handwriting and he loves to learn. I like to encourage my ds to not focus on the things that are challenges but to face them, tackle them, and focus instead on his strengths and passions. What does your ds like besides writing? Other academic subjects? Fun hobbies? Sports? I think that's what other parents and teachers are expecting to see there, maybe with something simple like he's in third grade and he has a dog or a brother or he lives next to a pond that inspires him to think of mythical creatures, kwim?

One last thing - I would think just a bit - this is possibly a bit like a "you have 3 seconds to let everyone know one or two things about you." What would you pick? The thing you are not happy about, or something that would make other people think you're really cool?

Which is not to say your ds or any kid with a challenge isn't cool - just that it's a first-impression kind of thing, and maybe an only-impression kind of thing. And that I'd want to think through what impression it will leave with the people who read it. He's had feedback that it's not positive enough. That might also be the feedback he'd get from the larger audience when it's presented. If he's ok with that, that's ok - but I'd want him to listen to and think through the feedback he's received already.

I really do think it's great that he's open and honest and frank about his challenge and his likes/dislikes. That will serve him well as he advocates for himself in school and in life

I'm so glad he liked the camp! Did they let him use keyboarding?

polarbear

That is pretty funny. Three cheers for dyspeptic writers!

Well, I think it's just suppose to be an "about the author" I don't think it's suppose to be specific to the camp or writing. Like, you know, on the back of a book where it says "about the author: So-and-So is married, has three kids, and lives in Connecticut." I guess he felt like this is what he would say.

I guess my DS and I just can't answer these questions in a socially appropriate manner! LOL. I was going to have him change "hate" to "dislike" and take out the "boring" part (because really that is kind-of a gratuitous insult) so it would read "DS dislikes school but loves learning. He dislikes handwriting because of his dysgraphia but loves writing on the computer." I guess I could just make him write "DS is going into third grade at Such and Such elementary and likes to write and read fantasy fiction." I suppose we both need like specific social skills training for this stuff! I am constantly shocked at the suburbia's incredible aversion to anything less than perfect and fluffy. But I come from the inner city so I always thought that was why I had a bit of culture shock with regard to that. But maybe I am just missing a particular set of social skills and my DS is too!

Ha ha!

Yes, yes and yes. That is exactly it. He looks normal but can NOT write people are constantly perplexed by this - peers, aides, teachers. Everyone. He is nine year old who still reverses every number and most of his letters. Believe you me, this affects him and his sense of identity and his being self-conscious of how people see him. He seems really smart but he can't write (which is something EVERYONE else smart or not seems to be able to do no problem!) He is miserable at school but he wants people to know he is not miserable at school because he is "stupid" he is miserable there b/c he does not learn the same way as others; because he has challenges AND gifts, neither of which EVER get truly addressed or recognized at school.

Whenever we read someone intelligent and super creative (like Steve Jobs, or Thomas Edison) has/had dyslexia we get such a surge from it ( only because we never hear of famous dysgraphics) and I think that inspires him. Like when that kid who plays harry potter talked about how he is dyspraxic and can't write or tie his shoelaces. That gave my son SUCH comfort and inspiration. I think he is trying to reach out and do the same. He wants to share that he is Smart but he does have Dysgraphia and he is suppose to like school but he doesn't and it is NOT because he doesn't like learning. It kind-of really is who he is right now. And I kind-of feel like his disabilities are his to share not mine... so if I had to write it for him, it would, of course, be different but this is his personal info to share if he wants.

This is how your son sees himself and his situation. This is how he feels. This is who he is.

When you censor, there's a risk of either communicating that:

a) he's wrong about who he is or how he feels
or
b) that he's only wrong in sharing who he is or how he feels.

The latter is better, I suppose, than the former. You could at least couch it in "consider your audience" or "there's a time and a place." Those are useful social lessons. Maybe.

Or maybe you decide, as his parent, to stand up for who he is and how he feels. To resist censoring him in his communication of self. Of effectively saying "I accept you for who you are, no matter how you feel. And I love who you are whether you are happy or not. And I support you in sharing that if you want to."

Irena, I have read most of your posts about your DS's struggles so can totally understand where he is coming from. However, I am not sure if the children and their parents at this summer camp have any insight into his struggles. As such, they may misinterpret his bio as one devoid of joy. Maybe there is a way he can rewrite it to be more positive. " DS is proud of overcoming his challenges and continuing to do what he enjoys the most: learning and writing." Something along those lines.
Glad to read that he enjoyed the writing camp.

Well, I would check and see how important it is to your DS to broadcast those particular feelings and diagnoses. If it is akin to getting something off his chest and it will make him feel good about himself, then let him do it, particularly if those kids won't be in his future social circles anyway.

On the other hand, if he is looking for positive responses from his fellow campers, then I would help him edit his blurb to something deem more socially appropriate among his peers. By this age group, kids get pretty judgmental and will label and write off other kids as complaining/whiny or tending toward tmi. Your DS does not have to be positive, just not negative. I think kids are looking for interesting tidbits, personal interests, and humorous comments.

Yes. I agree. I was particularly jarred by the fact that the instructor told him he should take out that he has dysgraphia and EDS. I felt like he was saying to DS you should be ashamed of that, you should hide it. I actually had to say to him - you can leave it in if you want, it's who you are and "it is nothing to be ashamed of or hide."

But I do also agree on "there is a time and place for certain things" and that sort of social lesson. So, I think we are just going to edit it together. We'll talk about how it may not be appropriate for him to say "school is boring" but he can leave in his ehlers danlos and dysgraphia and his dislike of school but love of learning. I'll have him think of a few more "positives" to add too, like a hobby. I am sure he scrounge up at least one positive thing somewhere...