Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment new with questions (as usual :-) )

Hi everyone

I've been lurking for some time but was never convinced our eldest DS7 was truly gifted - he doesn't check all the boxes on the gifted checklists you know? But there was always something different about him - initially he was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, so we started OT, which helped. DS also did an iq test as part of a school readiness assessment - at 5 his results came back as dead average which I honestly found hard to believe - no, I didn't think then that he was gifted, but he was definitely bright and it seemed weird that his results - except for one subscore - were centered on average. Looking back I think he could tell the psych he saw then didn't expect anything more than average, so he did what was expected.

Anyway, we've always had issues with him not doing classwork and being distracted etc but he always tested well.. this year that changed and the more I tried to work out what was going on, the more it came down to two options - gifted or LD... and since it seemed big variations in subscores could point to LD, we thought the best to have an iq assessment done - this time being careful to use a psych with lots of experience with gifted kids...

Big difference this time around, and from what google tells me he is moderately gifted... we were given two scores but I was too overwhelmed to take in which was which, so not sure but one was 132 and the other 138... waiting for the report to see for sure.

We are in south africa so we don't have gifted programs or IEPs or acceleration here... the psych's recommendation was to ask the school for extension work but also to ask for accommodations for sensory stuff as well as fidgets and an air cushion as he is a kinaesthetic learner.

I would love any suggestions for how to request these in what I'll assume will be a hostile situation... I suggested - or tried to - that the issue might be boredom and was shot down very quickly. This is the best school in our area that we can afford so it's not really an option to change schools.

I also would like thoughts on what people usually do in terms of telling your child they are gifted or not..? What's the consensus?

He will need to go for play therapy to address some emotional sensitivity/maturity issues that seemed related (to me anyway) to never knowing previously what it was about him that was/is different. He also has a really hard time trying new things for fear of failing...

Any thoughts or general advice will be greatly appreciated! It's all very new... I thought I'd be announcing the results to the world, where now I find the reactions of the few people I have told have made me feel like zipping my lips in future.

Thanks in advance!

Hi M2iChances,

Welcome! There is no real consensus about what to tell your kids when. I suppose it depends on the child and the situation. My gifted kids know but its not like I had a sit down talk with them, but for my eldest it was obvious that she was a lot smarter than even the other "smart" kids. We told the younger one because she would say that she is not the smart one. Our response "Girl, please, you are gifted too." Personally, I tell them they are gifted but that is only one part of them. Character matters much more and what matters is what you do with your gifts.

In my own experience, the more data you have going in the better and know the policies of the area that you are in. I started asking for smaller things first such as allowing my daughter to work in a workbook when she was done with her work and built up to a grade skip. Ultimately, however we brought our two gifted kids home to homeschool.

Hi and welcome..

First thing is to try and figure out your child and how they learn best. Then I would try to get the teacher on your side- I do this by volunteering in the classroom and helping them as much as possible. Try to keep in mind that (if they are a good teacher and care) that they want to help your child. Also understand that they often have a lot of other students too and may not know how to help your child. The good news is moderately gifted do much better in traditional schools than HG/PG. So you may just have to do some tweaking, especially if it's a good school.

As far as telling your children they are gifted, I think that it is something you have to decide - but the psychologist told my son and he says he doesn't believe it.. so.

I would try to make sure that your child stays or is grouped with other kids that are gifted. And as you figured out already, don't tell other parents your child is gifted unless they have a child who is gifted. People don't really know what it means and take it for bragging which I'm sure you've discovered. We really need a secret handshake

Also, google the following: Gifted and Perfectionism
Gifted and Overexcitabilities

Thanks so much!

Chana I think that's great advice - I will start with providing extension work and see if we can work up to a grade skip.

LAF, the schools here sometimes have 'class moms' who help out with decorative stuff or props for concerts... we don't get to volunteer unfortunately

I'm glad there's hope for us, I just wish the schools here did group by ability... as far as I can tell there is no grouping at all, DS hasn't found anyone at a similar level in class to connect with. The psychologist explained that he is actually doing pretty well socially but what he is doing is interacting (which is a good skill to learn) but connecting with kids at the same level is also important and he's not able to do that currently at school.

It just seems so hard for him, and he really doesn't like school at all.

He came out of the iq assessment asking 'do you know what's wrong with me now?' - we have never said or done anything that would send a message like that, but I guess he had to come up with a reason for why he keeps seeing and OT and why he had the assessment, so I think in his case we may need to explain what the results mean...

Thanks again!

LAF I love the idea of a secret handshake!

Welcome here M2iChances I'm glad you found your way here finally

Welcome, M2iChances!

Another lurker here - my son, also 7, has also been diagnosed with sensory perception disorder. He has not been IQ tested but will this fall (2nd grade.) I am expecting it to have a huge effect on his testing, as it seemed to during regular first grade tests (leaving entire pages blank, getting bored/distracted and picking random answers, ignoring the questions completely and writing whatever he is thinking about at that time...) Do you still do OT? My son took a break and I am deciding if he should go back. I wish there was a way to improve his testing skills to reflect his real knowledge and abilities, but I am thinking that it is just how he operates and maybe he will "test better" when he is older.
Also - my older daughter goes to the gifted school here in our town and I've found I shouldn't talk about it at all unless with parents of other students who go there.