Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Oversensitivity issue? - Everything "hurts"

My daughter is 3.5 years old. Not a day goes by without her saying multiple times a day that something 'hurts' her. This has been going on for a while now, and it seems like if she has even the mildest discomfort or physical annoyance, it is the end of the Earth for her. It's difficult to tell when something is truly wrong or not because everything 'REALLY HURTS!'. Being in her carseat hurts, the buckle is too tight, the straps are too tight, etc. I've checked everything and done everything I can to make her as comfortable as possible and I just have to throw my hands up. I'm guessing this may be an oversensitivity issue? I've checked with some friends who have children in this age range and they don't really have this problem. I'm personally very sensitive to some stimuli but as far as I remember, I was never the type to say everything 'hurt'. She has a very advanced vocabulary so I don't think she's mistaking other feelings for pain, really. I don't know. Any tips? Thanks!

I would encourage you to ask her for her suggestions on what would make her more comfortable. There might be some non-obvious workarounds that are available for a number of the challenges.

My DS2.8 has several sensory challenges and has been able to give me concrete insight into how to work around his sensory defensiveness. For instance, he doesn't like the sound of water pouring into his ears when his hair is washed, but he does like the sound of a wash cloth squishing in his ear. This was rather critical for me to discover if I want him to have clean ears. Similarly, he will let me brush his teeth only if I apply counter-pressure on the outside of his mouth in the area where I'm brushing. Both of these are sensory hacks I never could have conceived of had I not taken DS' heightened sensitivity seriously and involved him in the problem solving process.

HTH!

Another option that I think should be mentioned as the parent of a 3.5 year-old is whether you are sure it actually does hurt... I am not saying she is lying. I am just pointing out that this is an age where lying to get a desired result is developmentally appropriate. If you are reacting with a great deal of attention, it is possible that she may not actually be hurt but missing your attention at the moment...

I am also keenly aware that sensory issues are very real. We have them here too. Good luck!

I do remember going through a stage when the restrictiveness of the car seat was an issue and I have noticed that my father and I are uncomfortable with seatbelts on.

I always thought of stages as about three months long and then (in layperson's terms) maybe there is a change (because the brain grew and changed?). So, I would hold off on the car seat and stay home and in the neighborhood and wait until the child's needs met the activity and the activity met the child's needs.

For a very high sensitivity child, that might mean the family making arrangements somehow for the child to be around home until the car seat is no longer an issue.

I would try a different car seat. I would use every kind of distraction - music, toy, book, portable lap desk with paper and crayon. (This is one of the reason's people don't realize how exhausted the caregivers can become. We can't just grab our child and go.)