Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Steps to find the right school (How did you?)

So, it's the end of the school year and it has not been great at all. Prepping for next year and all of the usual red flags are up.

1.How did you find the right school for your child?

2.Can you state specific helpful steps?

I feel like a parent who knows we are wasting our time but I cannot find the solution right away. Part of my specific problem is that both of my parents (very smart, strong-minded, critical and verbal) want to comment on all choices and, quite-frankly, is there ever consensus?

The usual dilemma -- there is no perfect, just choosing among what's available or doing it somehow as a family.

Maybe I just need some encouragement to hang in there for the gifted parent of gifted child cycle: the hope and excitement, the close-up truthful look and dose of reality and then bridging the gap to make the best of it until the student is in a good college setting.

Any new ideas or thoughts or words of insight / humor / anything at all.

Lastly, just the awful feeling that what I am perceiving is some quantity or combination of ignorance / chaos and I just had gotten used to being in a wonderful setting as an adult that going through this process again with a child seems so avoidable, I think I may just have to take a leap into a different direction. Not picking up a gifted vibe at all from the people who are supposed to be in the loop about gifted.

I think in every school there are going to be people who get it and people who don't get it. The key is probably finding a principal that gets it....but if there are stupid policies (or no policies) in place in the district, the best principal may not be able to do much either, but at least they can help to place a child with a teacher who understands and wants to work with gifted kids.

If your parents are hindering you maybe you will have to assert your authority as the parent of the child. Otherwise do what you do for kids - don't involve them in everything and don't ask about something you have a really strong veiew. Maybe just discauss the final couple of options?

Here are some things that I'd recommend:

* Blackcat is right, certain people get it and others don't. Fit is more a matter of the right people (teacher / principle / admin) rather than a particular format or pedagogy. Do not bother arguing with people who don't get it unless there's a direct benefit to your child.

* Let go of preconceived notions about what schools will work and won't. And don't let statistics cloud your vision too much. The important thing is not how the school is doing, but how your child will do in the school.

* Hunt down the less well-known options. Charters, magnets, learning centers, religious schools, alternative private options, hippy democratic schools, homeschool educational coops. A lot of these fly under the radar. The district is not going to have the full list. You can't vet them if you don't know about them.

* Tell your parents to butt out. Let them know that you are using all the good knowledge they imparted to you to make the best decision for your child, but that they need to let you go through this process yourself. Fill them in at the end and ask their advice as necessary.

* Remember, nothing is right forever. Sometimes it works for a while and then doesn't. When it doesn't, it doesn't do to wait too long for things to change before taking the leap to something new. Prepare your child emotionally for this eventuality by helping found core non-school-based friendships.

I found the perfect school on the Davidson site, under educational options:
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/browse_by_topic_resources.aspx

It's only 10 minutes from our house, but I never would have known to check it out if I hadn't found it on the internet.

Be very aware of how administrators and others react when you ask questions and describe your child. Be wary of those who drone on about how great their school is for gifted children because of its rigor. Listen for mentions of flexibility, adapting to how the child does, etc. You want people who "get it," who understand that gifted does not equal perfect student.

1) Special needs schools. If they're are 2e issues, you might want to pursue the special needs route or based your school search accordingly. In NYC, where we lived when ds8 was younger, there were specialized special needs programs/schools which were recommended. Of course, none of them would have addressed the gifted issues, but they would have addressed the special needs one - which when ds was younger took precedence.

2) Local public schools. Find out what the story is with giftedness. Some communities have school choice where you can select a particular school within a town/city or enroll in a neighboring town/city.

3) Charter schools. This varies by state and by local area. Sometimes the charter school is by a lottery process and there are rules/regulations with applying. Sometimes charter schools are better managed and run by public schools or can service gifted kids better; other times not.

4) Private gifted schools. Hoagies has a list - http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/schools.htm - which identifies private gifted schools by state. Whether these private gifted schools can accommodate your child or not really depends on many variables - the child, their level of giftedness, the curriculum, the teachers, etc.

5) Other private schools. I'd put boarding schools in this category or perhaps parochial schools. This will vary widely depending on where you live.

6) Unschool or homeschool. It may not be something on your mind, but it's always best to throw it into the brainstorming mix. And depending on your child, LOG, and schooling options may be something to seriously consider.

Remember, nothing is for life or etched in stone. Education options or decisions can be reversed. Sometimes a least-worst option is the best or sometimes you've run out of options and are in default school mode.

Big question for you is whether it's there to be found. But besides the obvious - listen to all stories, read reviews, study the school webpage, visit and pay close attention to the head, the teachers and the pupils and how they all interact - the main thing I think we did right was:

- think about where the interests of the school as organisation lie. How well aligned are they with what you want for your child?

In our case, most of the schools we looked at took in children, with or without selection, with or without fees, and were judged/advertised themselves essentially on average achievement at the end of the school, with a lowish ceiling above which better didn't really matter to them (for their own sake, I mean). The difference in the one we chose - with which we've been close to blissfully happy for six years so far - was that it is judged and advertises itself largely on the best achievements at the end of the school. It's a prep school in the UK sense; non-selective at intake, it sends pupils on to a wide range of senior schools and "here is our list of scholarships gained this year" is prominent information and they really care. The hardest scholarships are very hard indeed, so there's no meaningful ceiling on the achievement level it's in their interest to help pupils reach. I don't feel I'm expected to be grateful when they work out how to stretch DS (though I am!); they're acting in their own interest too.

Don't look at school ratings to find the right match. High ratings also attract high achievers. We've been quite fond of our partial gifted magnet because the parents sending their kids to the magnet program despite the school numbers seem to have a genuine interest in appropriate challenges. The school is also quite open and flexible and motivated.

Be sure to keeep your kid(s) in the loop.

Come right out of the gate with particular common gifted challeneges (like overexcitabilities) and hope for responses like: of course that's common with gifted kids.