Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments A Dear Teacher... thread

Many of us have written about struggles with teachers who do or don't get our kids. I've also read a number of posts saying, "I wrote a heartfelt message describing what this person did to my child this year, but deleted it." This is a place where we can express ourselves to others as a cathartic exercise in an environment where people understand.

I thought I'd create a thread where we can post the angsty emails that didn't get sent or the ones praising the teachers who have been so wonderful. I'll start with one of each.

(ETA: there's no obligation to write about both types of teacher in a single message.)

Dear Wonderful Math Teacher,

Thank you so much for all that you did for my child. He ate every word you said this year, and has been so enthusiastic about math, he really enjoys doing his homework and thinking about the ideas you've taught him. We know that his positive, happy attitude is primarily due to you. You understand the subject matter and know how to explain it so that newbies get it. You seem to have a magic sense for knowing where the kids get stuck, and sometimes you anticipate their mistakes and help them understand a tough idea. Best of all, you teach the hard stuff because you know that the kids in his class can learn it (and they do). You're also warm, open, and funny, and the kids love you. We're going to miss you next year.

Dear Dreadful Math Teacher,

I just thought I'd write to let you know a bit about the damage you did to my kids this year. It's pretty clear that you don't understand the subject you're teaching and are substituting rigidity in form for substance in teaching. My kids have suffered under you for ten months, and it's finally almost over. My daughter has lost a lot of confidence because you force her to use your kooky and mathematically incorrect methods, and she's started thinking that she's stupid. My son feels the same way. I can't decide if you're just mean or an incompetent person who capitalizes on parental love of "tough" teachers to hide your lack of knowledge. Either way, we're almost done with you, and both of my kids will regain the confidence you stole from them. They will succeed in spite of you.

Good idea. If anyone knows who this teacher is and wants to share it with her, go ahead!

Dear Dreadful First Grade Teacher:

I wanted to let you know that DS has thrived since we pulled him out of your class, and the school, mid-year. He now has a teacher who understands how important it is that all of the children in the class progress and learn. You claimed that he did not need anything special because he was "happy" and treated me like a pushy tiger mother. You seemed to go out of your way to hold him back, not "push" him, and make sure he doesn't learn anything new. Luckily you have not completely ruined him, and he has said several times how proud he is that he is learning "hard math" and is reading at an advanced level. His new teacher has each child be "Star of the Week" and display a talent. DS got to stand on a chair (as a stage) and the kids asked him multiplication questions. He was grinning ear to ear and so proud of himself and how impressed the other kids were. Considering how many other challenges he has, I think he deserves to be proud of something rather than having his strengths completely dismissed and ignored. You took a strength that that could have been used to motivate him, and motivate the other students, and turned it into something negative.

You claimed that he would not need to be given any math above a first grade level, and that even first grade math might be too hard for him, despite his high IQ and achievement scores. How strange that his new teacher was able to get him to understand probability, how to convert units of measurement using multiplication and long division, and adding and subtracting negative integers.

His writing improved dramatically within 2 days of being with the new teacher, because she recognized that he was regressing and wasn't doing his best work. She firmly (but kindly) told him that she was expecting more and he obliged. Kids tend to do what is expected of them. You expected nothing of him and ignored him, and he did no more than what he could get away with.

I strongly suggest that you think about what you are trying to accomplish as a teacher and whether there are children remaining in your class that have not made adequate progress, or have regressed. I also suggest that you listen to parent concerns from now on, and stop with the passive aggressive behavior when you disagree with a parent. Thanks for your time.

Isn't that just typical of brothers?

Dear horrible long-term substitute from second grade,

I just want you to know that four years later, just the mention of second grade still prompts an anxiety response from my daughter because of you. Without knowing anything about my twice-exceptional daughter, you summarily told her that she had no place being in a gt classroom. You never looked at her file. You never read the report from the educational psychologist indicating that she has a three sigma IQ and dyslexia/dysgraphia. You never spoke with the school psychologist who strongly advocated for her being in that class despite the well-documented fact that she couldn't spell (your obsession). You focused so hard on her deficits that you couldn't see anything else. You had no understanding of her social and emotional needs. You humilated my child and caused deep wounds to her self-esteem. Talking with other parents over the years, I've learned that you caused damaged to a large number of children in that class. I hope that you have found a new profession.

Dear music teacher:

My kid lights up any time he sees you. He lights up when he realizes it's a music day. He eagerly played his violin for you-- and his entire class-- after refusing to participate in any recitals this year. He knows a wider variety of music and music theory because of you, and he's more engaged in his own violin lessons because of you. Most importantly, you've got the pulse of my kid and you've brought him out of his shell.

Dear Teacher,

I know my kid is antsy, and I am quite certain that he drives you insane with his constant questioning. Still, it would be nice if you could say something positive about him in the pick up line. You have plenty of opportunity to say something positive, as you are at my window almost daily reporting on minor offenses. When I see your smiling face walking toward my car, I want to bang my head against the steering wheel and then drive off. He wouldn't be singing the entire Frozen soundtrack, in reverse order, if you gave him something challenging to do.

Signed,
June 19th Can't Come Fast Enough

Dear ds's 4th grade teachers (2 of them team teach),

Thank you so much for accepting my child into your classes a month into school when with no warning and planning one day the guidance counselor walked him from 3rd grade and plopped him into an empty desk in fourth. It must have been quite a shock because grade skipping is so very unusual.

You made him feel welcome and did your jobs professionally and with great love, caring, and respect for him as a learner. When there were concerns with asynchronous skills (handwriting and composition), we worked through them together as a team and his growth was phenomenal in that area. It was good for him to actually have to put a ton of effort into a specific area because even with the skip other subjects remained fairly effortless.

He has been so very lucky to have spent this year with you both.

Thanks,
Mom

Dear Toddler Teacher,
I can't believe how lucky we were to have you care for and teach
our son from 11 to 19 months! When he didn't nap you didn't
punish him but rather exposed him to the solar system, the states and capitals, musical instruments and the human body just to name a few and read countless books to him while his classmates were sleeping.

You told us about your husband who is a master concert violinist
and got his Phd. at the age of 16 and how our son reminded you of
him. When our baby could read at a mid first grade level at 18 mos. you prepared us for the struggle we would all have when he
started school.

At five he remembers you and speaks of what a wonderful time he
had in your class. Thank you for every thing you did for us!

Dear Competent First Grade Teacher,

Thanks for taking my child into your class with almost no notice and taking the time needed to prepare for him out of your personal life. You have done much more for him than I would have ever expected a teacher to do. Thanks for taking the time to look through the records to learn more about his developmental history, and for giving him so many assessments to find out his academic level and the "gaps". We appreciate the special lessons you have planned for him to close those gaps, and for giving him material everyday that helps him to learn and grow. Thank you for sitting down with him and working with him on his atrocious writing. It was kind of you to make sure that he was feeling comfortable in his new school, and making friends. You showed concern about how he was doing even at recess, where you are not the one responsible. Thank you for constructing several slant boards for him when the "binder" proved to be inadequate, and making sure that he uses the slant boards, which the old teacher wouldn't do. Wish I could clone you for next year.

Dear Director of Tiny Private School,

After telling me all the reasons not to grade-skip a 4-year-old, thank you for turning on a dime when your co-director reported that my child is "brilliant." Thank you for creating an environment where the K/1st teacher has the freedom to skip my kid through material she already knows. Thank you for noticing my child's social needs, and confirming what I saw when she suddenly blossomed. Thank you for getting excited when my child brought in a model brain. Thank you for the music and the art and the school play. Thank you for the piano in the main room. Thank you for your goofy sense of humor when you help the little ones open their bananas.

Dear soul crushing teacher,

It's obvious you wouldn't choose more challenging work yourself simply for the love of learning, but threatening to keep my son after school if he makes mistakes on the difficult work he chooses is shocking. When you should have congratulated him on his drive to learn and instead left him afraid to try, I knew you were the kind of person my son needed to be kept away from.

I am thankful to you, though, because if you hadn't been so incredibly bad at teaching my son, I wouldn't have pulled him out of the "rigorous" high-stress school he was attending. Without your negative attitude, I wouldn't have seen his voracious appetite for knowledge finally satisfied at home with self-paced online classes and tutors we've hired whose goal is to take him where he wants to go, not keep him in line with other students his age.

So thank you for being so terrible. It was painful for a few months, but it was the best thing that could have happened to my son.

Dear Grade (x) Math Teacher,

Thank you for welcoming our son into your class when testing showed he needed to be there, despite not starting the year with you. Thank you for guiding your other students to accept and watch out for him, because of the age difference. We appreciate that you noticed his talent and encouraged him, telling us that he absolutely belonged in your class and was a pleasure to teach. Thank you for letting him be his own little fun self and appreciating him, for understanding that his age means he doesn't always remember his homework and for following up with us nicely when needed.

Dear Last Year's Teacher:

You seemed to have a kind heart, but lacked the will to stand up to that ogre of an administrator who refused to believe that our son was gifted, let alone as exceptionally gifted as testing later proved. I so wish that you had stood up to her and had let our son move on to the next grade, with the teacher who "got" him. You knew he was very bright, but couldn't seem to grasp that was the reason for his entertaining of the class at too many inappropriate times. I'm sure he frustrated you beyond measure and I do feel somewhat badly about that, but rest assured, he lost more privileges at home last year than he would have if we had known how absolutely unfit that classroom was for him.

I know you cared about him and wanted him to succeed, but am still so confused about how such an experienced teacher couldn't have realized you weren't meeting his needs at all. Thank you for finally agreeing to let him use the next year's math book in class so he could go through it mostly on his own and advance a year in a few month's time. That's something, at least.

While we've likely all had poor experiences with teachers, I feel it extremely important to take the time to recognize the few that go the extra mile and make a difference. In the case of my eldest DS there for four teachers I felt did that through his K-12 experience. I made sure to visit them personally, shake their hand, and look them in the eye and tell them, "YOU made a difference, YOU went above and beyond and it stood out, YOU were inspirational to my son, THANK YOU."

Three of those four teachers were visibly moved to hear that, they deserve to know that, they NEED to know that, teachers need to know when they've made a difference, that's why good teachers teach, it's a validation that they've been successful with the strong effort they're giving.

Yes. As a matter of our family policy, these folks get thank-you notes early and often, plus we send them Christmas cards ever after. They need to know they matter, because the effort the put in is much easier to maintain if they get that positive feedback.

I worked in a school last year tutoring reading, basically as a volunteer (I was hardly paid anything). I worked with kids one-on-one every day. Not a single parent sent in a note or a card saying "thank you." NO holiday cards, end of the year cards, or anything of the like. It was really depressing. By the end of it I was thinking "Figure out your kids' problems on your own." It's different with teachers because they are actually paid (and paid well in our district). But I imagine that the good ones don't get a lot of feedback. I have told DS's teacher multiple times already that I'm thankful for what she's doing.

Dear DD's Homeroom Teacher:

DD calls you "the vampire," because you suck the fun out of school. DW has seen this firsthand when she volunteered to help at parties. If you're constantly barking at the kids about how to sit during a party game, what are you like during instructional time? Chill out. Nobody likes a micromanager.

We have no idea why you felt it necessary to announce DD's age to the entire class during the first week of school. DD would have fit in just fine despite being skipped a grade, and did fit in by the end of the year, no thanks to you. Why would you deliberately try to make things difficult for her? How would you like it if we dropped into the teacher's lounge and started telling about your marriage difficulties, or your misbehaviors as a teenager? You're supposed to be the adult in the room, so please act like it.

We expected that there would be issues getting DD instruction in social studies because part of your instructional time overlaps with her gifted LA pull-out. We requested a copy of the book so we could supplement at home. However, we never saw any homework coming home except for Daily Geography, so we had no guide on how the class was progressing, and DD had reason to believe that nobody in the class was getting any social studies instruction, so she wasn't missing out on anything. We really didn't appreciate having to hothouse DD through a year's worth of cramming the week before state testing.

DD reports that you're moving to 5th grade next year, prompting her to say, "the vampire is stalking me!" We know that teachers can request certain students, and a child like our DD, who is so well-behaved, and so high achieving, is a great place to start a class. Please don't request her. DD doesn't like you, and she deserves a change. We understand that she's probably not going to learn much in homeroom anyway, but she still deserves to be in a place with a teacher who is introducing the necessary material and not barking all day.

Dear amazing K-1 teacher,

We can't believe how lucky we are that you moved to our school and took DD's class for its second year. Every child in that room is happier than they were last year and feels 'seen' and appreciated for who they are. Not only that, you are willing to create a math group where DD can consider math concepts at her own pace, and explain that OF COURSE 8 has a square root, it just isn't a whole number. I doubt that her sister's first grade teacher even knew that, much less had the courage to let her students play with these concepts. In my kids' combined 13 years of public school and nonselective preschool, you are the best teacher either has ever had.

Whether we eventually change schools because we know what a school year could be, or stay because we have learned enough about our child to ignore things that don't matter, your influence at the beginning of her school career will resonate throughout her life. Thank you.

Dear atrocious middle school teacher,

I wonder if you realize the irony in marking children down for failing to turn in homework on time when you cannot answer a direct question on when it will be due or even if the project will be due sometime this week. You are specifically charged with helping them develop academic organizational skills and yet only managed to enter four homeworks into the grade book before it was closed for the quarter. Multiple projects that DD devoted full time to for weeks were never graded, even just for completion, did you notice?

Thank you for dropping her math grade based on grammar, neatness, and decoration in creating restaurant menus and hand puppets. I can see how you didn't see her as a candidate for advanced work, despite perfect scores on the unit pretests, since you misunderstood that the advanced group got automatic 100%s on everything and she hadn't been doing enough coloring. I also appreciate your assertions that candidates for acceleration should be 'some kind of genius' who magically were able to pass a demanding exam without ever having seen the vocabulary before, and that the entire math department is unanimous in believing no one should be accelerated because they all fail. Thankfully we have received a letter from the head of the department stating otherwise.

You have taught DD several important lessons in 'consider the source' and which adults are worthy of respect. I am sure they will stay with her for life. I hope your supervisors are thinking about whether these lessons are on the approved curriculum.

Sincerely,
parent of a child whose success you will never understand

Dear Former English Teacher,

I can never find enough words to thank you for understanding that my daughter is a person, not an age-- and that her asynchrony leads her to see things differently, not better or worse, than her classmates.

Thank you for just-- appreciating her sense of humor, her enthusiasm, and for understanding her quirks as a cheetah, not a border collie. You gave my daughter's writing wings, and taught her to love herself and to embrace hard work. You spoke frankly with her about self-doubt and perfectionism, and even when you didn't understand what she was saying, you respected her completely.

The fact that you encouraged her, and were so appreciative of her quirky enthusiasm, gave her a lifelong love of English Literature and of learning, often while your colleagues were determined to kill it at all costs.

There will never be a way to thank you enough.

By the way, I'm really sorry that the school apparently didn't see your value and canned you abruptly. If not for you, DD would never have graduated with a diploma from this place. We'd never have survived her high school years with this curriculum and mindset. So most of all, thank you for being refreshingly subversive. I'm so sorry that the powers-that-be punish that kind of thing now, but I appreciate your integrity more than you will ever know.

Sincerely,

THAT girl's mom.

Dd4.5 has been very fortunate to have wonderful teachers in her formative years. Her first teacher immediately recognized dd's passion for learning and dd, 3 at that time, just took off. Her pre-k teacher now initially did not seem to get dd at all. I had a very disappointing first parent teacher meet with her. But after I told her how dd was hiding her abilities, she made every effort to encourage dd to show what she knows. She is the one who started the process of getting dd skip kindergarten next year and go straight to first grade. I briefly met with the future first grade teacher who couldn't contain her excitement about having dd in her class next year. I am feeling very happy right now about next year. Thank you teachers for letting dd be a kid but still learn at her pace and level.

Dear first year teacher. Thanks for providing a secure environment for my son to learn an get to grips with his toiletting issues. Thanks for working ds, myself and the public nurse to manage what can be an upsetting medical issue.

Dear second year teacher. DS learned nothing last year and his toiletting issues regressed to pre school level. Thank you for making him so nervous he tried to hold on all day and damaged his bowel further. Thanks for claiming the problem was something he needed to deal with himself and that I wasenabling him. Thanks for refusing to meet with the health nurse and telling the counsellor I was the one with the problem. I can not for the life of me understand why I let my son stay in your class all year. It won't be happening again. The sight of you around the school makes me nauseas.

Puffin, that breaks my heart for you and your DS.

I don't understand why I just let it happen. I think I was just scared of making things worse and perhaps I was having trouble dealing with things too. I did get him out one day a week in the last term. This year is better, he could learn more but he is enjoying his class.

Puffin, hindsight is always 20/20.

Don't 'should on yourself' over this.

I think all of us have things that we wish we'd handled differently if only we'd known then what we know now.

Dear Petty Teacher,

Do you sleep well at night? Are you pleased with yourself? Do you think you proved our daughter is not as smart as she really is by giving her a poor enough grade on her final assignment to drop her an entire letter grade? Does this make you feel vindicated in some way or prove that you are superior to a 10 year old - really!?!

We find it amusing that what you counted as a misspelling on her assignment was not misspelled at all. If you knew how to spell or had actually looked that word up you would have realized our daughter spelled it correctly. I can look it up for you in the dictionary and show you if you need me to. The other things you counted wrong were completely subjective and entirely based on your opinion, which makes it very obvious you are biased against our daughter.

Do you really think we can't see what you are doing and do you really think we will allow you to get away with it?

I'm so incredibly tired of battling you, so we might at well just have it out and get it over with. It is obvious to me that you should go back to teaching remedial classes because you seem to be intimidated by an advanced student.

Sincerely,
Mama Grizzly Bear ********

Now you all need to email these teachers a link to this thread and say "guess which one is for you". (Kidding. Don't actually do this.)

Thank you for posting this! I wondered if that was what happened to DS8's handwriting this year as it became illegible. DS8 and I had a chat after I reviewed last year's handwriting compared to this year. It really is all about expectations.

Dear Highly Ranked High School,

Well, it sure has been a bang-up year in the math department. We started with an arrest of a teacher because he was a sexual predator. Everyone rallied around him because he was "so popular" among the students. Yes, hmm. Sexual predators do have a way of ingratiating themselves with their prey.

Moving right along, we have the teacher who videotapes lectures in the morning so that the afternoon class can benefit from his wisdom without his actual presence. Great!

Then a math teacher suffered a nasty repetitive strain injury and was out for six weeks, starting in early January. During this time, the subs focused on such tasks as their smartphones and their knitting, but no one actually, you know, taught anything. The knitting sub told the kids that "honors students can teach themselves." There was not a single official communication from the school about any of this, and emails were ignored.

Finally, in early March, the kids were handed an online system. They were expected to complete the whole course in the last three months of school, including the stuff they'd covered before Christmas. Never mind that they spent six weeks watching a sub knit, either. You have three months. Do it all. Go.

In April, it became clear that the real teacher wouldn't be back in even a semi-meaningful way, given that even minor use of a computer causes severe pain.

And, naturally, this person will be teaching computer science next year. She announced this fact herself on one of her rare days in class.

Well, there you are.

Signed,

Someone who wonders, if this is a highly ranked high school, what do the bad ones look like?

(If anyone can top bottom this one, I'll cry with you.)

Yep, his friend is still in that class with that teacher and doesn't have a disability like DS (DS has developmental coordination disorder), but the same thing happened. Very neat handwriting the first couple weeks of school, then it went downhill from there. DS still has to put more effort into writing than other kids, but can do well when he slows down and thinks about what he's doing.

Val, as you know, I could write something incredibly similar re: math this year. DD's triumph over a 200-level college math course owes nothing-- no, really, NOTHING-- to the course or the instruction offered.

The teacher has not had class all year-- not for AP statistics, not for Calculus, not for Trig. The course materials and textbooks are average to barely mediocre in terms of instructional value, so it's not like class wouldn't be a good idea... and I mean this LITERALLY. Not ONE INSTANT of instruction. Not one. Oh, he has "office hours." Half an hour, once a week.

The teacher's most common advice for students who ask questions? Look it up on Google.

Or some variant thereof.

Today the kids had to take a test. They had to log on to the system to take it. DS said that no one could log on for the first half of the class because their (absent) teacher had put seat restrictions on them, and you had to be sitting at "your" computer in order to log in. Problem: they've NEVER had assigned computers.

The sub had no idea what to do. Someone from somewhere figured it out after a half hour, and now they have to finish at home.

Nothing I could say would be worse than that. What a nightmare

This article below reminded me of your post. The lawsuit suggests the problem is limited to low-performing schools, which is not the case.

http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2014/05/29/us/29reuters-usa-education-california.html
California Students Sue State Seeking More Learning Time
By REUTERS
MAY 29, 2014, 4:00 P.M. E.D.T.

I often say same the same sentiment. If my school is consider highly ranked, I'm scared to see what a lower ranks school looks like.

I can't top the post about the math teacher. But I do have a similar although less appalling thing happen in 7th grade. One day the fall of my 7th grade year my math teacher walked into school with an orange juice container filled with vodka, completely drunk. He was so drunk the 8th graders noticed and called down to the office. (And we ended up with an extra week of drug/alcohol awareness.) At least he wasn't a loved teacher, most parents were complaining about him. It was the last time we ever saw that teacher. What my mom said is that she was supposed to meet with him to talk about how he unchallenged in math I was that week, and I know there were several other parents who were putting pressure on him to challenge us more. (I don't remember the details... just the most memorable like all the gossip about the 8th graders finding him drunk.)

After that we had a few weeks of short term subs and then a long term sub who I hated just as bad. She was simply teaching right out of the book, one assignment ahead of the class. I got reprimanded for cheating at one point because I had the not so clever idea to share the boring long division homework in study hall. This teacher though it was because I didn't know long division. Luckly, my mother came to bat for me again. At least I didn't have to put up with her the next year as I was taking Algebra, but I did have study hall with her once a week. I was even more disillusioned with her when I tried asking her for help on my homework and she was clueless. Turns out she had only an elementary teaching credential.

To add to Bostonian's link above:

The ruling wherein Portland Public ...al hours guaranteed them under state law

The saddest part? This wasn't even caused by the "emergency" slashing of school days of two to four years ago. This one was part of a "strategic plan" that went through regular channels for approval. The school-day-slashing thing was declared a state of emergency. Now, that meant that OR students were getting fewer hours of instruction than... well, than basically any students in the first world, from what I can gather... but there wasn't anything that parents could do about that one. State of emergency and all.

This was different. Ohhhh, but the stories that I could tell. My daughter, for second year German, has had just 45 hours of POSSIBLE contact time with a teacher-- including office hours and regular instructional time. If we leave out office hours, she's had 16 hours of instruction THIS YEAR.

State says that one credit requires a minimum of 130 hours.

As for the 990 hours that high schoolers are entitled to under state law... my DD has had approximately....

SIXTY-FIVE hours of "instructional" time with teachers. The rest has been canned lesson slides, etc.-- basically independent study.

When we bought our house, our real estate dude gave us excellent advice about the local schools. He had grown up around here in one of the super-high-performing districts, and lived in another one with his wife and daughter at the time.

He told us not to buy a house because of its location in a supposedly great school district, saying, "it's the parents and not the schools that are creating those high test scores."

Yup-- we had a similarly forthcoming realtor. Very glad of that, actually.

Dear (no-doubt now retired) Kindergarten Teacher,

Thank you SO very much for being honest with me about the damage that a kindergarten placement would have caused my precocious and sweet five year old daughter. I realize that what you told me was not at all politically correct, and that district administration would be horrified and angered to know that you'd said it to me, but you did right by my daughter, and I'll never forget it.

You recognized, with your decades of teaching experience, what TRULY "very gifted" looks like in a pleasant and introverted five year old-- and were able to peg my daughter as such without even speaking to her-- just by observing her behavior (and how very different it was from agemates). You knew that in spite of the district patting itself on the back for having such bright students, kids like mine are still very very rare-- so rare that most classroom teachers can't possibly manage to do much for them. You also knew that in a paradoxical way, "bright" students actually make that situation even worse, because even offering students like her something more suitable implies to other parents that their own little snowflakes might not be THE smartest cookies in the free world. Instead, "rigorous" means a firm ceiling on instructional offerings in the district, and no services at all until 3rd grade, and even then, precious little for the top 1-3% of students, who teachers in the district are strictly instructed to treat NO DIFFERENTLY than the top 15%-- in fact, there is a tacit agreement that everyone act as though there IS no difference between them. "Readers" entering kindergarten are mostly children who have memorized a few sight words, and the occasional child who can blend CVC words. They are NOT kids who spend hours on sustained silent reading many grade levels ahead of their ages. But all of those children are "grouped" together-- at the ceiling.

Thank you for pointing out that it would be particularly cruel to subject our daughter to the chaos and danger of kindergarten placement when there would be no academic benefit to her whatsoever.

So I thank you for being forthcoming, and warning me that kindergarten would mean that my daughter would be expected, as a "top reading" student, to restrict her selections to Henry and Mudge, and a Lexile range; to "learning" about the math operations of addition and subtraction... and expected to sit quietly for over 450 hours of classroom time in which she learned nothing at all.

I appreciate it more than I can ever say. Teachers like you are a credit to the profession. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

~Mom to the little Harry Potter fan at Kindergarten Orientation night, 2004.

HK, may I ask what you decided to do in response to the comments of the KG teacher?

We homeschooled-- hoping that by third grade (when services for GT are officially ""offered"" in our district...)-- well, it didn't work out for a variety of reasons, obviously.

We didn't really understand just how quickly HG+ kids burn through material, obviously. If we had, we'd have done further-out-of-level testing 18 months later, after a year of more or less unschooling punctuated by attempts to find something that fit her level. We thought that by unschooling we would "slow her down." Yeah, we had been fed that line by 'expert' educators-- the one about evening out by third grade? That one. Didn't work that way, as DD actually jumped another 2-3 grade levels in math and science, and far more than that in social studies and literacy just by doing her preferred activities day in and day out-- reading for 8-10 hours a day and peppering us with conversation.

I don't really regret homeschooling, though as I've noted elsewhere, DD probably wasn't well served by our unschooling mindset during that period of time. The skills vs. readiness/needs gaps that were opening during the time we officially homeschooled were downright shocking even to us, and even with the benefit of hindsight.


In the moment, I think I gaped like a very distressed fish, and it certainly wasn't until later that I truly absorbed what the teacher was telling me. It was a lot to take in, given that our friends all RAVED about how awesome the schools here are. And-- for bright-to-MG, they probably are. SHE knew what our DD was before we did, basically. She specifically said, in a horrified whisper that I can still hear a decade later; "Do NOT put your child in any kindergarten classroom in this city-- public OR private." Just from one look at her-- she was sitting amidst chaos unfolding around her, quietly reading a very fat novel on her lap, while her legs swung gently (not touching the floor).

This is one of two people who provided Cassandra-like advice to us in a moment of (in retrospect) crisis in our raising of DD. The other one was a kind emergency room physician who gave us shocking-- and terrifying-- advice, which was one of the luckiest things ever to happen to DD, in hindsight. Both were messages of "I'm telling you-- DON'T/DO this. No, really."

Dear Former Social Studies Teacher From Middle School,

It was SO nice of you to remember my DD now that she is a senior. Also lovely that you have followed her success now that she is graduating near the top of her class (having completed an additional gradeskip since you saw her), and is NHS president, and a pretty impressive young lady in so many ways.

NOT so nice of you, however, to have taken this last opportunity to take a blatant passive-aggressive potshot at her in front of a sizeable audience while she was officiating in her role as NHS president. Even worse for you to have made that potshot about her PRIVATE medical history, and her hidden disability, not to mention the contents of her 504 plan.

VERY skilfully done, by the way. I may have to revisit my firm belief that you have NO idea what "gifted" is like from the inside out. I admit that I had been quite skeptical when you belligerently informed me four years ago that YOU knew all there was to know about gifted students because you WERE one of them, and therefore, DD couldn't possibly be struggling with assessment questions due to over-thinking them, or need more depth or anything. I admit it. I was biting my tongue to not say to you that I rather think that being in the top 50% doesn't mean what you think it means. How wrong I was, though-- well played, Ms. Teacher. Well played. Apparently you are mostly gifted at "being as ****y as the average queen bee wannabe." I can see why you teach middle school; your insight into classic girl bully thinking must be truly prodigious.

It doesn't mean that you're STOOOPID if there happens to be a PG child in the world, you know... er-- or maybe you don't, actually. But let's just say that my daughter's intellect outstripped your own when she was nine, you know-- when you had her in your class-- and that we both know that this is at the root of your issues with her. Well, that and the fact that you think that her particular medical condition is exaggerated or "make believe" somehow. Remind me again where you went to medical school?

Thanks for nothing,

The mom you'd better hope doesn't find YOU at commencement, because DH and I would both like to give you (and the special ed coordinator and principal, for that matter) a piece of our collective minds, and let's just say that I'm definitely "good cop."

Has anyone ever written an email or letter to a principal praising a teacher and saying what a good experience you had? Maybe cc'ing the teacher? I'm debating doing this. She has actually been eating lunch with DS to make sure he eats--she is worried about his appetite since we started a trial of stimulants. It's just another thing added to the list of things I never would have expected.

Wow! HK there are no words! I was going to reply to your earlier post about the kindergarten teacher, who said don't come. But I am so distracted by the passive aggressive nasty middle school teacher. You should tell her at graduation to wait to hear from your lawyer for breach of privacy!!! How did your DD take it? I hope it didn't ruin the moment for her.

DeHe
PS I feel so fortunate that after the teachers totally destroyed his self-esteem saying he needed social skills so he could have a best friend, like the bullies in his class did, rather than being bored out of his mind with their uninspiring games, the pre-k director who did nothing to help our little genius as pre-k director called him, just said we better start saving because he was going to cost a lot of money for us to keep up with him. Guess they didn't want to spend any of our money that we paid them on worksheet or books

Blackcat,
Yes, I always try to do it! I wrote lovely letters, which were true, to the teachers who got DS. And even better, I told the principal how awesome they were and why - this way the principal rewards teacher for making him or her look good, but also has examples of what the good was. Also makes you more believable the next time you want something out of the norm.

DeHe

I do it annually. I make it 100% positive. I review the letter dozens of times to remove any hint of a complaint.

It serves a lot of purposes: it gives the principal material to use in teacher evaluations (these things count now in this state!), it ends things on a positive note, I renew my "positive team player" license, and it tells the principal in concrete terms what we think is really effective for our kids. This last point seems to be helping in subsequent teacher placement.

HK, that merits a complaint to the DOE under FERPA, a thorough verbal reaming and castigation, and a little lawsuit. Buy her some Depends and tell her she's going to need them.

Yes, well... I'm rather thinking that bug in the ear of the 504 compliance officer for the school, as well as hints that there might be one to the STATE ombudsman's office, will do nicely. Less bother for us. After all--- eight days. Eight days.

At this rate, though, I'm going to daub myself with blue paint and run madly into commencement channeling my inner Mel Gibson.

I can not wait for this to be my problem! I am so going to praise that teacher! That's awesome Blackcat! Right now a para that scribes for DS is great - I got her a gift for teachers appreciation day and plan to give her one at the end of the year. I wonder if I should write a letter about her? I have already told the principal and ass't principal and director of spec ed that we are very happy with her. I can't wait for this to be something I have to do for a teacher in the future! On the other hand, I am not donating towards a present or getting anything for his regular teacher. I know it's petty but I just can't bring myself to spend money on a teacher who purposefully and intentionally asked all of the kids in class to join in ridiculing my child. That was the straw, ya know? So I used the money I am not spending on older DS's nasty teacher and spent extra on my younger son's pre-school teachers (because they have been so sweet to him) and older DS's para.

I routinely send thank-you notes; I have my kids write them, too. Part of our end of year rituals here.

I also praise administrators who do excellent work, copied to the superintendent. These folks need to know what's working as well as what's not...

HK, I'm just so sorry. I hope your DD is still feeling good about her achievements.

And do make that complaint. Holy cow.

I know, I told her I wish I could clone her for next year. DS only had her for a short few months (after we switched schools). We are transferring DS yet again and the current teacher and IEP manager went with me to the new school to meet with the new teacher, principal, OT, etc. and the teacher really went to bat for DS, trying to get him advanced work. She had a huge crate full of assessments and things she'd done on him. I don't know how it's going to go with the new teacher but I am positive that if I had gone in there myself talking about my little genius needing advanced work, it wouldn't have been nearly as effective.

Dear Algebra II Teacher,

After two years of my son having excellent teachers who taught my son that he was not only good at math but he loved it. You have managed to kill not only his enthusiasm but the enthusiasm of the other kids in class as well. Was there a reason to give most of the the class D's or lower on thier last chapter test of year. I can maybe understand setting your standards on the first test.. but the last one?? These are a group of very bright math students and you had many of them practically crying in class because you tested them on material you not only didn't teach but that the students weren't expecting. This is not the first time this has happened. And when my son asked why he got a problem wrong you all but implied he was stupid for not noticing the "trick" involved.

I was warned about you by numerous other parents at the start of the year but there wasn't really much I could do about it because we liked most of his other teachers & class selections. I talked with parents who have tried to work with you in over the past number of years to realize that you are not at all flexible nor listen to the parents when they complain. And I am convinced but don't have the evidence that when you heard about the SST meeting for my son you switched my son's homework grade to an 80% just so you would be able to blame my son instead of your unreasonable testing practices. The one thing my son has done religiously is his math homework for the last 3 years.

And I might buy your "this is just a really hard class" line if it were not for the fact that this same classes taught by a different teacher the students are a lot happier and their grades a lot higher. In a school that sets absolutes for staying in their honors classes their grades MATTER. Giving the best and the brightest students this school has to offer mediocre grades is shame on you because it will follow this students into their college selection process. And quite probably convince a number of them that they aren't good at math when they are instead some of the best math students.

Dear administrator,


Thanks for: 1. not following through sufficiently that my child felt SAFE attending her own graduation ceremony (for a variety of reasons), 2. when confronted with this reality, offering to do NOTHING to make the situation better in any way, 3. adding a year to my child's actual age when announcing her as class salutatorian, 4. using an out of date, LOWER GPA than her actual cumulative GPA, by the way, and most of all... 5. thanks a BUNCH for skipping her name when you read the list. Think anyone noticed that last bit? Maybe?? Especially after you called her out as one of the top three in the class.

Oh yeah-- and my kid is responsible for over 10% of the total of scholarship awards in monetary value for her class of over 300 students, btw. But thanks. For nothing.

Sincerely,

Who me? Bitter? Nahhhh-- just really not regretting telling you to POUND SAND when you wanted to offer her up like a steak to the regional media.




And I really hate to say this-- but my DH completely called this one.

Dear Teacher,

I found the printed emails between you and the principal (from he**) that reference how you felt about our requests for enrichment and whether our child fit in your school in the end-of-year folder you sent home w/DS along with his precious assignments. Thank God I didn't have him sort through it and that it just went into the pile of school stuff a year ago. I don't know if you were being vindictive or just stupid. Either way, it hurt all over again.

Dear First Grade Teacher,
No thanks to you for being prejudiced against my son because he needs to go to the bathroom more times than other kids in your class. Making him run laps for going on "unscheduled" bathroom breaks is enough to traumatize him into his teen years. No, he does not have "impulse control" issues because of that. He is just a playful boy who really, really loves to climb play structures at recess and role play superheroes that he forgets to use recess time for bathroom breaks. You could have made everyone's life easier by reminding him a few times!
No thanks for not picking him for math competitions, spelling competitions and whatever else because of your prejudices. My little guy had the last laugh when the standardized test results came out and all your "compliant" favorite students scored nowhere near him. Was it humiliating for you to explain to the school principal how your "average" student scored 100% across the board and none of your "top scholars" even made it close to him? No thanks for not inviting me to the merit assembly where my child won the school's merit scholarship for outstanding academics - all the other select parents that you chose to invite would have been disappointed that their child did not receive the scholarship.
And no thanks to you for trying to kill my child's love for math by telling him that an equilateral triangle could have all three angles as right angles - and no thanks for covering up your embarrassment when a 6 year old challenged you by giving him "thinking time" in a corner. ******.
I am glad that we are well rid of you.

Sincerely,
A STEM professional who is mom to a really sweet, funny and smart kid who knows more math than you do, apparently.

Should we give the teacher credit for some higher level concepts?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-Euclidean_geometry
(Naah, probably not.)

OK: the equilateral triangle episode takes the prize. I am so very sorry your dc was punished for speaking up.

My dc had a much milder but similar experience. Kindergarten teacher (holds up an equilateral triangle), "Now what is this?"

DC, age 5: "An equilateral triangle."

Teacher (frowning): "You're not supposed to know that. It's just a triangle."

I am so sorry that your child was put in the hot seat in early elementary class for knowing more math than they are supposed to know. Hopefully first grade brings a more encouraging teacher.

Wow, Ashley.



Oh-- and as an update to my previous post, come to find out, my DD wasn't Salutatorian.




Nope.




She was VALEDICTORIAN.

Not that it changes much, but it does sort of put the icing right up there on the top of the entire thing. Like, you know-- the fact that they couldn't be bothered to even TELL her what her actual, up-to-date rank was, just for starters, I suppose. We found out because she called to ask about something else entirely. Shows what they actually value, doesn't it? It's certainly not "excellence" at any rate.

And they didn't even make graduation an event where their Valedictorian could be included...what a shame.

Well, the mind-boggling part to me is that they... don't... seem to think that which student is #1, #2, or something else entirely... even... matters at commencement to begin with. Well-- not enough to worry about figuring it out, anyway.

Yeah. So "honoring" graduates was done using the previous semester's GPA and ranking (in December). Who cares if that is actually correct, anyway??

"The System" doesn't report final rank until some weeks later, evidently.

The fact that nobody we communicated with seemed to find this the least bit strange is BEYOND bizarre to me.