Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments A Dear Teacher... thread

HK, may I ask what you decided to do in response to the comments of the KG teacher?

We homeschooled-- hoping that by third grade (when services for GT are officially ""offered"" in our district...)-- well, it didn't work out for a variety of reasons, obviously.

We didn't really understand just how quickly HG+ kids burn through material, obviously. If we had, we'd have done further-out-of-level testing 18 months later, after a year of more or less unschooling punctuated by attempts to find something that fit her level. We thought that by unschooling we would "slow her down." Yeah, we had been fed that line by 'expert' educators-- the one about evening out by third grade? That one. Didn't work that way, as DD actually jumped another 2-3 grade levels in math and science, and far more than that in social studies and literacy just by doing her preferred activities day in and day out-- reading for 8-10 hours a day and peppering us with conversation.

I don't really regret homeschooling, though as I've noted elsewhere, DD probably wasn't well served by our unschooling mindset during that period of time. The skills vs. readiness/needs gaps that were opening during the time we officially homeschooled were downright shocking even to us, and even with the benefit of hindsight.


In the moment, I think I gaped like a very distressed fish, and it certainly wasn't until later that I truly absorbed what the teacher was telling me. It was a lot to take in, given that our friends all RAVED about how awesome the schools here are. And-- for bright-to-MG, they probably are. SHE knew what our DD was before we did, basically. She specifically said, in a horrified whisper that I can still hear a decade later; "Do NOT put your child in any kindergarten classroom in this city-- public OR private." Just from one look at her-- she was sitting amidst chaos unfolding around her, quietly reading a very fat novel on her lap, while her legs swung gently (not touching the floor).

This is one of two people who provided Cassandra-like advice to us in a moment of (in retrospect) crisis in our raising of DD. The other one was a kind emergency room physician who gave us shocking-- and terrifying-- advice, which was one of the luckiest things ever to happen to DD, in hindsight. Both were messages of "I'm telling you-- DON'T/DO this. No, really."

Dear Former Social Studies Teacher From Middle School,

It was SO nice of you to remember my DD now that she is a senior. Also lovely that you have followed her success now that she is graduating near the top of her class (having completed an additional gradeskip since you saw her), and is NHS president, and a pretty impressive young lady in so many ways.

NOT so nice of you, however, to have taken this last opportunity to take a blatant passive-aggressive potshot at her in front of a sizeable audience while she was officiating in her role as NHS president. Even worse for you to have made that potshot about her PRIVATE medical history, and her hidden disability, not to mention the contents of her 504 plan.

VERY skilfully done, by the way. I may have to revisit my firm belief that you have NO idea what "gifted" is like from the inside out. I admit that I had been quite skeptical when you belligerently informed me four years ago that YOU knew all there was to know about gifted students because you WERE one of them, and therefore, DD couldn't possibly be struggling with assessment questions due to over-thinking them, or need more depth or anything. I admit it. I was biting my tongue to not say to you that I rather think that being in the top 50% doesn't mean what you think it means. How wrong I was, though-- well played, Ms. Teacher. Well played. Apparently you are mostly gifted at "being as ****y as the average queen bee wannabe." I can see why you teach middle school; your insight into classic girl bully thinking must be truly prodigious.

It doesn't mean that you're STOOOPID if there happens to be a PG child in the world, you know... er-- or maybe you don't, actually. But let's just say that my daughter's intellect outstripped your own when she was nine, you know-- when you had her in your class-- and that we both know that this is at the root of your issues with her. Well, that and the fact that you think that her particular medical condition is exaggerated or "make believe" somehow. Remind me again where you went to medical school?

Thanks for nothing,

The mom you'd better hope doesn't find YOU at commencement, because DH and I would both like to give you (and the special ed coordinator and principal, for that matter) a piece of our collective minds, and let's just say that I'm definitely "good cop."

Has anyone ever written an email or letter to a principal praising a teacher and saying what a good experience you had? Maybe cc'ing the teacher? I'm debating doing this. She has actually been eating lunch with DS to make sure he eats--she is worried about his appetite since we started a trial of stimulants. It's just another thing added to the list of things I never would have expected.

Wow! HK there are no words! I was going to reply to your earlier post about the kindergarten teacher, who said don't come. But I am so distracted by the passive aggressive nasty middle school teacher. You should tell her at graduation to wait to hear from your lawyer for breach of privacy!!! How did your DD take it? I hope it didn't ruin the moment for her.

DeHe
PS I feel so fortunate that after the teachers totally destroyed his self-esteem saying he needed social skills so he could have a best friend, like the bullies in his class did, rather than being bored out of his mind with their uninspiring games, the pre-k director who did nothing to help our little genius as pre-k director called him, just said we better start saving because he was going to cost a lot of money for us to keep up with him. Guess they didn't want to spend any of our money that we paid them on worksheet or books

Blackcat,
Yes, I always try to do it! I wrote lovely letters, which were true, to the teachers who got DS. And even better, I told the principal how awesome they were and why - this way the principal rewards teacher for making him or her look good, but also has examples of what the good was. Also makes you more believable the next time you want something out of the norm.

DeHe

I do it annually. I make it 100% positive. I review the letter dozens of times to remove any hint of a complaint.

It serves a lot of purposes: it gives the principal material to use in teacher evaluations (these things count now in this state!), it ends things on a positive note, I renew my "positive team player" license, and it tells the principal in concrete terms what we think is really effective for our kids. This last point seems to be helping in subsequent teacher placement.

HK, that merits a complaint to the DOE under FERPA, a thorough verbal reaming and castigation, and a little lawsuit. Buy her some Depends and tell her she's going to need them.

Yes, well... I'm rather thinking that bug in the ear of the 504 compliance officer for the school, as well as hints that there might be one to the STATE ombudsman's office, will do nicely. Less bother for us. After all--- eight days. Eight days.

At this rate, though, I'm going to daub myself with blue paint and run madly into commencement channeling my inner Mel Gibson.

I can not wait for this to be my problem! I am so going to praise that teacher! That's awesome Blackcat! Right now a para that scribes for DS is great - I got her a gift for teachers appreciation day and plan to give her one at the end of the year. I wonder if I should write a letter about her? I have already told the principal and ass't principal and director of spec ed that we are very happy with her. I can't wait for this to be something I have to do for a teacher in the future! On the other hand, I am not donating towards a present or getting anything for his regular teacher. I know it's petty but I just can't bring myself to spend money on a teacher who purposefully and intentionally asked all of the kids in class to join in ridiculing my child. That was the straw, ya know? So I used the money I am not spending on older DS's nasty teacher and spent extra on my younger son's pre-school teachers (because they have been so sweet to him) and older DS's para.