Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Please stop singing, humming, wiggling, talking

Hi,

I haven't been on here in awhile, but am happy to be back. I am still worn down by my DD7's intensity, energy, and attitude. She cannot stop singing, or humming, or talking, or wiggling, so much of the time. We put her in theater and she is quite talented and gets nice roles, sings solos and has a very lovely, mature voice so I feel awful that I beg her to stop singing all the time, but she sings in an operatic voice or Broadway showtunes style all the time and in tight quarters. She is highly energetic enthusiastic and extroverted which I find draining. She tries to talk with me almost constantly when she is home and seems very restless at home. We had testing done when she was younger, and they focused on her giftedness and said, yes, she has some symptoms of ADHD, but she is such a charming, fun girl, it is nothing. Her 2nd grade teacher also kept saying, she is just caught up in all her thoughts, while telling me she is disorganized, absent minded, careless in her work etc. We have not gone back for another evaluation in years and I wonder if it is worth it. She did do OT for sensory seeking, and I wonder if that is worth pursing again. It is like she has this electricity in her body. It courses through her body and her hands flutter and shake. She is happy most of the time which makes me feel bad that I get stressed around her because it feels like sensory overload for me. I am home with her and a younger, easier sibling from afterschool to bed time every day and all summer.

I guess I am just looking to commiserate on what it is like parenting this sort of child and ways that people cope with it.

Does she get good exercise? Maybe a daily swim practice or something would get some of that out? Even laps.

It's not quite like that here, but one of my kids is a sensory seeker and tends to make random noise, while I am a sensory avoider. Not a great combo. She also has some ADHD-like traits but shows great attention and does beautifully in school, so we think she is just wired kind of high, if you know what I mean.

I "second" swimming- it's exhausting for DS especially if he swims laps. You might try an indoor mini trampoline so that she can bounce it out.

I have a DS7 "talker." It does drive me a bit looney after awhile. Mainly, because it distracts him from getting through important tasks. I think setting aside a small dose focused time to really "listen" means so much to these kids- and it has improved DS's need to talk constantly. Once my DS said "you don't think my ideas are important!" It made me feel terrible because I had been interrupting him and getting impatient.

I was a child with *a lot* of physical energy. Back in the day, I roamed outside almost all day during vacations. As a young adult, I took up daily running and walked two miles to and from work everyday. Now, I wish I had that energy.

I've seen a (slight) decrease since starting OT. Hoping it keeps up because this can drive you mad.

Exercise has the opposite effect on my DD9... the more exercise she gets, the more generally energetic she is.

What works for us is drawing up reasonable boundaries. For example, singing is fine, but if DD too close, and it's hurting my ears, it needs to stop. Ditto if I'm trying to hear something: conversation with someone else, on the phone, watching a movie, etc.

Just last night I had to put an end to some severe sound overload, involving three children, one adult, and one canine howling for all they were worth. DW was the ringleader.

Another boundary related to the topic of overload is that DD has to give DW and I adequate time on the weekends and holidays, measured in cups of coffee consumed, before she can expect us to engage with her beyond sitting on the couch and responding to normal conversation. We are not morning people. Don't mess with us until after the second cup.

Just out of curiosity, what did you mean by her hands fluttering and shaking? If she flaps her hands and has sensory issues (needs to self-regulate by wiggling, etc., and has difficult recognizing when singing is appropriate or too loud), it may be worth assessing whether she has an autism spectrum disorder like Asperger's. One of my kids seems like an ADHD kid in many ways, but the neuropsychologist who assessed him thought that those symptoms were related to an autism spectrum disorder, not ADHD.

I have wondered about aspergers esp. since she has special interests that consume her, but we did have an eval a few years ago with someone who looked at autism spectrum issues and came up empty handed, but I often wonder if a bouncy outgoing gifted girl might have a different brand of aspie than expected. Maybe she is just an intense kid, or maybe it is more.

When she was younger, she would straighten and stiffen her arms at her sides and her hands would shake when she was very excited. She still has these excited arm hand motions, but no one seems to make anything of them. They have always made me wonder.

I might be inclined to do another evaluation, because it sounds like it might be impacting her at school. Both my children are like that sometimes, but my DD is genuinely very ADHD with some sensory-seeking behavior as well (and also disorganized, absent-minded, careless and sloppy in her work, etc). DS is even more likely to be making totally random noise, but he's 4, so I don't expect him to be able to sit still and quiet much anyway. DD was also evaluated for ASD and doesn't really fit the criteria, though the impulsivity, hyperfocus, and sensory issues make her "look" ASD sometimes.

Boundaries have also been helpful for us. We have a family adage that the size of your voice needs to fit the size of the space you are in, and the distance from the nearest ear. We discuss how sound fills spaces, and being respectful of other people's soundspaces (such as in restaurants or other public places).

This is also connected to our ongoing reminders about personal "bubbles". As in, each person has a personal space bubble around them of a certain size, and it varies based on the individual person and their relationship with you. You cannot impose your bubble on someone else's bubble without first requesting and receiving permission to enter their bubble.

We have had similar experiences with our bouncing-ball-with-all-the-lights-and-whistles. Teachers have been kept very busy, but all seem to find an exuberantly charming personality and strong academics to be sufficient reward for putting up with the zaniness.

This excitement sounds so much like my son (2.5), who isn't on the spectrum. If I'm a hand talker, he's a body talker. He has to move around quickly when he tells me about new ideas. He has one particularly charming, undulating dance-walk combined with fist pump which he reserves for his best ideas.

His sensory seeking is usually satisfied with heavy work, like pushing around and climbing on a sturdy box or piece of furniture, jumping, running at top speed, wrestling, etc. Someone above mentioned a mini-trampoline, which I think is a terrific idea. A skipping rope is also an inexpesive tool--get a good one with ball bearings. The key to ensuring it's calming and not energizing is to mandate a minimum time of intense work--for my DS, that's 10 minutes. Most mornings we go to the park first thing and run our butts off playing for an hour.

Another hack I have for DS is to feed him foods rich in tryptophan--things like turkey (and other meats), milk, beans, nuts, seeds, mangoes, bananas, etc. Tryptophan is an essential amino acid and precursor to niacin, serotonin, and melatonin--all things needed to calm an excited child and support sleep in sleep-fighters.