Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy End of year letter to K teacher

It's been an interesting year in Spanish Immersion 1/2 day K. Since DS6 is our one and only it has taken us a while to figure out the public school system and navigate our way through immersion. Looking back, my kid did not receive the academics he needed this year and his teacher was clueless and unsupportive. I just found out she is leaving the district. I am sort of seething for a variety of reasons, including mismanagement of a few kids in his class that have serious behavioral problems that are not good for the class (lots of bullying) and not good for the kids who are bullying who also need help, but are not getting it. I have written two emails so far and deleted them. It was very cathartic but I would like to send an email to this teacher explaining to her all of the ways she did not help my son this year with a list of resources (books, websites, Davidson articles) so she is more educated when she teaches again. I would also like to cc the Principal of the email. We are leaving the school and moving to another one in the same district. I don't want to burn any bridges, but there has been too much misunderstanding with a teacher who has, quite literally, no clue what to do with gifted kids. She actually told me at our last conference, after testing, that our son only chooses one boy to play with for choice time so she makes him play with other children to "mix it up" and that in her words, "In the real world kids have to learn to work with everyone." It's kindergarten. That one boy is the closest kid to a peer for my son. She does not get it. Okay, my rant is done. Any thoughts if I should send an email and how careful should I be in wording? My hope is that it might plant a seed, at least with the Principal, to keep a closer eye out for kids like my son. To listen to parents more. I told his teacher what books he was reading to himself and what types of projects he was working on at home before school began. I don't think she believed me. If we went on her recommendations my son would still be at the same school in immersion not moving forward.

I absolutely understand your frustration, but I personally don't think that I would write the letter (or maybe I'd write it for the cathartic experience, and then never send it ).

Most teachers DON'T know what to do with HG+ kiddos, from what I've seen. They are RARE and I have to keep reminding myself of this as I shepherd my DC through their school experience. I do believe, though, that MOST teachers have good intentions (and we did have one very, very bad experience - so I do know where you are coming from).

Now if the school asks for feedback, I'd feel free to give it, while keeping in mind that you DON'T want to burn bridges. Because our DC's educational needs change so quickly, you may need the school resource in some capacity in the future - and things can change at the school, too.

Since the teacher is leaving anyway, I might approach the principal with feedback about how to spot and help kiddos like your DS. I always like to throw in what the school is doing well, too, because I do think that helps you be "heard," if you know what I mean?

All the best and here's to hoping next year is better for you and your DS!

As a parent of an only child who is currently finishing up 4th grade in the public school system, can I just give you a piece of sage advice: pick and choose your battles. This overwhelming frustration that you are feeling today is going to feel small three years from now, when by 3rd grade you feel like your gifted child is completely bored and unchallenged, especially if they start to receive negative comments on behavior (like talks to much or needs to work on self control) when they can complete the classroom assignment in 2 minutes and spend the remainder of their time trying to chat with classmates (read: distracting other students who actually do need the time to do their work). If you are leaving the school for a better situation (meaning a situation that recognizes G&T and challenges them appropriately), I would let water run under the bridge and use your experience as a lesson learned for what not to tolerate moving forward. Otherwise, you are going to burn yourself out. Good teachers who really care do make a huge difference, many public schools cannot differentiate their curriculum, but a good teacher will make an effort to help all of their students learn and grow.

I am not giving advice b/c if what I say were advice it would probably be bad advice. With that disclaimer, I am so sick of us having to constantly hold our tongues and walk on eggshells while this stuff gets to happen and children get damaged. No one is willing to speak up. It's ridiculous. Real damage can result from this ignorance and no one ever gets called on it and it is never addressed - why? Because these people have that much power? Because people live in complete fear of speaking up? And, really, what are the chances a huge "bridge will be burned?" I find I am often holding my tongue and not addressing things that should be addressed all for this theoretical bridge that my family never had in the first place! And never will have. Sorry, just ticks me off.

Also the bullying absolutely should be documented ... That is a big deal nowadays (thanks to those have gone before us and decided to start speaking up) and a documented pattern should for fear of litigation definitely get the school to embark on a policy to deal with it and at the least it would help people dealing with bullying in the future if there is a record of it being brought to the school's attention and the school not dealing with it or training their staff and teachers appropriately.

Irena I totally feel your passion! I have been bookmarking TED talks and keeping a list of books I'd love to recommend to his teacher and the school. I have decided to send a separate email to the Principal regarding how behavior was managed (or not) in his classroom this year. The school promotes Responsive Classroom and I have seen none of that. I wonder if it's due to the immersion aspect? If so, they need to figure something out!

Loy58 I think my husband and I are still trying to get used to where our son is at intellectually. I asked the HP teacher at his school how many DYS kids they have had at their school and she said one eleven years ago. So yes, it's strange to think of your child as a rarity. Sometimes I forget and there are awkward moments, which I'm sure you can all relate to, where your kid does something and other parents look at you incredulously and ask, "How old is he?"

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I have a few more weeks until school ends and I am just going to let it simmer, or boil...

Thanks for the feedback!

I suggest making a decision. Simmering does not make people happy.

Ditto. We had to pull DS out in the middle of the year, the teacher was that bad. She was passive aggressive and lied to us about things. I know other families still in that class and NOTHING has changed. NOTHING. She apparently didn't learn one single thing from her experience with us, but part of the reason why is because I never explained to her why I was pulling DS out. I did explain to the principal and administration, but I don't think they then went back and explained to HER (or addressed any of my concerns about her). Certain teachers seem to be untouchable. I have not decided what I'm going to do, if anything, but I'd love to tell her how much better (and happier) DS is, in a class where the teacher makes it a priority to teach ALL the children. One mom was telling me that her son asked for harder math (in the old teachers class) and the teacher told him that she wouldn't do that because then other kids' parents would complain about it and want harder work for their kids as well. This should be an "aha" moment for her. Time for ability grouping? To take a real look at the curriculum and the group of kids it's not working for? But some of these teachers never learn and never think. The fact that I went through hell and dragged DS through a mid-year school change, and the teacher walks away happy as a clam not having learned anything at all, is infuriating. I would love to at least have links that I could share showing what damage is done when gifted/advanced children are not given appropriate work. She didn't even TRY. AT ALL.

One thing I would suggest is to meet with the principal instead of just emailing. You can send an email with a "I want to meet with you to discuss XYZ" but for something like this, I don't know I would leave it with just an email. Email is so impersonal in some ways, and people tend to misinterpret the emotions behind the email so easily. Especially for topics like this. (oh, and for all emails my husband and I send that are about areas of concern with our kids to anyone, we always make sure to cc the other spouse so the recipient knows it is coming from both of us).

The principal may or may not be aware of the extent of issues you had with the classroom and the difficulties you and your child had with that particular teacher. Sometimes the first time the principal is aware of how downhill things went is when they hear from the parents directly - it is not clear in your earlier posts if you have talked to the principal at all. Sometimes the teacher will cover up or understate the severity of the issue, or tell the principal a completely different spin on the issues than you expect.

I agree with Loy, in examining the goals you have for contacting the principal, and making sure it comes across without an accusatory tone. I noticed that when we came across as upset parents, the administration were more likely to just focus on agreeing with us and dealing just with the emotions, without really addressing the underlying concerns, but if we came in well prepared, and a calm exterior, they would be much likely to focus on the issues and working with us on finding ways to make our situation work. I wonder sometimes if you come across as "one of those parents", they are only going to placate you for however long it takes to get you to go away but just ignore whatever you say.

While keeping lists of resources such as TED talks and book lists can be helpful, sharing the Davidson Educators' Guild may be very effective ongoing as it helps teachers/administrators join a supportive environment in which they may learn and absorb great tips and insights from experts and peers.

If documenting a negative incident, you may wish to be brief, avoid emotion, and describe each observable fact clearly in chronological order. While it never hurts to create dated documentation, parents will want to choose wisely which documentation to share (and when), and which items to keep to themselves at home.

Can't agree more!! This is exactly our experience. When the kids were younger we used to get frustrated, but less and less over time. You figure out pretty soon what the teachers are equipped with and what their obligations are. Most of the time the teachers don't know just how much enrichment my kids need; and even if they do, they don't have the resources to provide it anyways. I wouldn't go and try to educate the teacher unless the teacher is very inexperienced. The teachers in our district all have pretty intensive professional development. It's truly a matter of who they are and what their priorities are. We are usually on good terms with the teachers which helps to make the kids happy at school. We are also very involved in the school community and take volunteering very seriously so it's safe to say that the teachers and the principal do listen to us. But our suggestions are usually about how to improve the school for all kids instead of my kids--I just don't think it's realistic to expect the latter from the teachers. When the school asks for parent feedback on classroom placement, we usually ask for flexible teachers instead of rigorous teachers. A rigorous standard geared toward average or above-average kids is a major time sucker.