Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Child's input in selecting school

DD4.5 is currently in a play-based multi-age school where she is happy but not academically challenged AT ALL. It is a private school. I was planning to keep her there next year for kindergarten. However, all her "friends" are leaving that school next year to go to their respective public schools. There are 5 girls in the 4-6 age group in her class who all do stuff together. One of the girls will go to our public school. DD wants to go to the public school now just to be with her "friend". Again, I am putting friends within quotes because at this age, I am really not sure what that means. I attended the kindergarten info session at our public school and met with the principal briefly after the session. He mentioned that while they are no programs for advanced learners in the elementary school, he and his teachers would be willing to do something for us. Not sure what this means but I have heard from parents that the teachers and principal at the school are very approachable though no one has needed or been provided with any acceleration or enrichment opportunities. So I have my concerns and I am really confused. The pros with switching to public school would be $10k in avoided tuition savings and DD can stay with her "friend". The cons: the school may not work plus we are definitely moving in a year from now to a district that is known for its gifted programs. We can't move this year as they only offer part time k, which is not going to work for us. So is it worth moving the child twice in two years? I appreciate your thoughts and input in helping me get some clarity.

I would absolutely not move a rising kindergartner so that she could stay with a friend who may not be in her class and because friendships evolve esp. at this age. I think it is likely that public k would also not be academically challenging, and play-based multi-age sounds great to me if she is happy. Saving $10k would be worth considering in my opinion, and possibly getting used to the routines of public would help her the next year with the transition. Maybe. So--I personally would remove the "friend" issue from consideration and make the choice based on other factors. Good luck.

All I can say is that my child was adamant about staying on at a school that was a bad fit for him because he was amongst "friends" - a small group of kids that he was trying desperately to fit into so that fitting in with those "friends" became all important to him. He is also very affectionate and loyal to his teachers and felt upset that leaving that school might not be the "right thing" to do to his teachers whom he loved. We waited out the school year and transfered him to a new school that was academically rigorous. He now says that he "did not know" that there were such other options available and that he is very happy in this new school and asks me why I did not move him to this school sooner!
So, your child's point of view might be very restricted and driven by emotions and she may not even be aware of what she is gaining or missing by choosing either option. As a parent, it is up to us to sense what our child's needs are and ensure that they are met. Friendships develop in all kinds of schools, and in all the schools we have been to, the kids are split up and moved to different classrooms every year. So, they hardly stick with the same "friends" for more than a year.
Choose the option that you think is the best fit for your child.

Deacon girl, you have a good point that her friend may not even be in the same class. Why didn't I think of that?
Ashley, your personal experience is very helpful. Dd is similar. Every time I go to school, I never see her playing with anyone. She is usually doing her own thing. But she insists that those girls are her BFF and she won't like to go back to school if none of them stay. Maybe it is just the comfort of the familiar. But anyway, she has been talking about this the whole week and it got me thinking and worrying. Multi age classroom is good but next year she might be the oldest kid and unless someone new joins at k level, she may not have any age peers. I don't want to spend 10k, have my kid do stuff that she knew 2 years ago, and have my kid complain about lack of friends. Sorry I realize I am just rambling.