Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional More trips to the principal

Today my son was sent to the principal because he told a boy he was going to cut his forehead off. (Sigh)

I have tried to tell the staff that our son says this stuff to try to be funny. He has a hard time communicating with same age peers. He doesn't know what to say to be funny that appropriate. Apparently he smiles at the teacher and she thinks he is being a smart you know what.

Our son does have those issues where his communication is quite a bit elevated from children his age. He isn't trying to be mean, he is trying to say something funny that is "age appropriate". He doesn't realize that making noises etc and pestering the other kids is making them mad. And apparently this is all happening during class time. He told me the particular incident happened after completing their book and he had his work already done. I think he is partially bored and filling his time with unconstructive activities.

He just asked me if I knew what it meant to "be left out". He said that he is left out and has no friends. I think the teacher spends her time trying to correct a behavior that is his way of trying to make friends and be funny.

I feel like no one understands my child.

We have no resources. None. And there apparently is no time to explain and talk with our son and the other children together. There is no time for teachable moments at school concerning social issues.

Have you ever tried social stories? Carol Grey has a website with some wonderful information. Also, you can sometimes find social skills groups that are helpful. Using social stories may help your son to learn what is appropriate in certain social situations. Often they are used for Children with ASD but I have seen them work for gifted children as well.

Talking seems to not do much. Especially since I or another adult is explaining. He understands when I explain them and when he is out of the social context. He needs other kids to practice with, which I can't provide.

Sorry to hear things are continuing not to go well..

Most children I know of with similar issues to those you are describing go to social training courses after school, maybe that is an option? Any threatening statements made in jest or otherwise would be treated very seriously at our schools.

Could you try requesting social skill training on his 504 plan?

HNZ, have you approached school about an IEP? (I remember there is back-story, I just don't recall what it was.)

The school should be evaluating your DS for social skills issues, and remediating those issues under an IEP. The intelligence of the child has no bearing on this need. These issues of social judgment get more serious if they're not addressed, especially if they can be perceived as threats to others.

IMO you should be documenting all of these incidents (in ink, with the date)-- and using them as evidence that your child needs specialized instruction in social communication.

We did not qualify for an IEP as our ds does not have academic issues. He is entitled to a 504 but no one seems to have any idea of what to put in the 504. The OT states he doesn't need any other help, so the school has never implemented any strategy suggested by the PT or developmental psych.

I asked a friend in special Ed and she said there aren't any autism or special social play groups in our area. I doubt our school has an social skills training they apparently aren't very adept at doing any type of extra help unless it deals with academics. I'm looking to see if I can connect with a homeschool group that we might be able to socialize with. If you run across any free downloadable stories I can use let me know.

I sent the school counselor a long email asking about social skills training and observing what is happening in the class. I have a very strong suspicion that the class is at times very unstructured and that ds is allowed to get into mischief when he completed his work. They need to give him concrete rules to follow, and extra activities to keep him busy. There would be less social problems if they just would give him some extra work or something constructive to do.

This is frequently misunderstood and/or misrepresented. An IEP covers not only academics, but also functional skills, including social skills. I do not have time to give you the full spiel on this, but go to wrightslaw.com and type "functional" in their search box.

If the child does not have the functional skills to succeed in the school environment, the school has an obligation to that child. They should be providing services to remediate those skills.


If they aren't currently equipped, that does not mean they are allowed to ignore the need. They can hire a Board Certified Behavior Analyst to come in and provide the service, at their expense.


Sure, But ultimately, he will need (with support) to build the skill of being OK with having free time, and knowing how to use that time well, and not getting into trouble with his words. IME, this will require direct instruction in those skills.

Is there anyone in the school competent enough to go into the classroom and observe his behavior, like a school psych? You could try asking for a functional behavior assessment. http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/discipl.fab.starin.htm
If someone goes in and watches him, they they can see for themselves what is triggering behaviors and you'd have a better idea of what to put in a 504 plan. Of course, if no one in the school is competent enough to do this (which would be the case in our school), it's pretty useless.

I feel like you have to be a duck, calm above water, but working very hard underwater. Do everything you possibly can for your child and then, believe in your child. Take an honest look at the grandparents, if there is no problem that you can find genetically, I think it is a matter of coaching, explaining, reinforcing and waiting for maturity. Things can change and improve, say, every three months. Read about men, since you have a boy, who will say that they were 'wild' when they were young, little boys or 'precocious' but are very successful as male adults.

Also, don't worry about people understanding your child from this viewpoint -- by definition, if your child is in a small minority in IQ, how could most people understand? Think of it in terms of another issue like the environment, say, every brilliant scientist says Earth has an environmental problem, that doesn't mean that the vast majority of Earthlings comprehend the extent of the problem, so, the scientists have to 'market' the issue in a way that the average person can understand.

Try to get by in the school setting. If it feels awful, then try home or cyber schooling until the child matures. You really want to do what is best to make the situation positive.

Hope it helps. Good luck. You really aren't alone. Keep reading and researching and you'll realize people have many things in common. For one thing, you are a caring and sensitive parent who is on top of the situation. If you are a gifted person, you are probably very hard on yourself and very sensitive to the situation. Just stay on it. Make sure everyone gets as much rest as possible. Also, sometimes it helps to make sure the diet is very clean. Sometimes, it is the little details that can make a difference.

Also, try to find any triggers. Gifted kids can often express in great detail why they are in conflict. Perhaps your child feels provoked and then the intense, gifted response is the one getting attention and then your child is in trouble.

Thanks for all your advice. I seriously doubt the school will bring in a psychologist to observe but I am bringing it up at the meeting Friday.

Current diagnosis is sub threshold ADHD. He has the heightened senses (including smell) and IMO is close to having Aspergers. He can read expressions and non-verbal communication (especially in adults) and does make eye contact well. He also doesn't fixate on one particular thing but he does fixate on a variety of interests.

Strangely, he apparently has not one, but THREE girlfriends! How is it that he is socially thriving at romance? He is bringing home love notes and gifts (again). So he has some social skills, lol.

He often says, "you don't get it". He sees himself as an adult and often ridgedly applies rules. He is instructed to not interrupt, and if someone interrupts him he is livid. The issue is he can make a two minute conversation into a ten minute conversation. He will often ask, "Are you listening? Did you hear me?" Especially when in the car and he can't see your face. I think his ridge approach to social rules is the problem. He has been trained to be polite, share, say hello, etc. Wheb he is nice to a child and they don't respond, or a child is rude back he doesn't know what to do. They have violated the rules.

We have no social skills groups in this area. Nearest Metro area is an hour and a half away. There is no way we can commute for these types of therapies. I'm looking into a homeschool group to connect too. I'd like to see if we can connect especially over the summer. My husband does not want me to homeschool so all we have is connecting over community activities.

I'm doing what I can and I'm going to market some pretty strong arguments Friday. It probably won't be pretty.

hnz1979, have you tried looking for a parent advocate in your area? There are groups that provide this service for free in many states. Even if they aren't located in your immediate area you might be able to get advice over the phone that would be helpful for your meeting with the school. I found our advocate's group through the yellow pages at wrightslaw, and they were beyond helpful with simple things such as giving me the correct way to phrase questions and requests for the things I needed to communicate at school meetings. They also helped make me aware of what services were available at our ds' school and what our school was legally required to provide in evals and services etc - when our school was claiming no knowledge of anything

Good luck with your meeting Friday!

polarbear