Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional More trips to the principal

I feel like you have to be a duck, calm above water, but working very hard underwater. Do everything you possibly can for your child and then, believe in your child. Take an honest look at the grandparents, if there is no problem that you can find genetically, I think it is a matter of coaching, explaining, reinforcing and waiting for maturity. Things can change and improve, say, every three months. Read about men, since you have a boy, who will say that they were 'wild' when they were young, little boys or 'precocious' but are very successful as male adults.

Also, don't worry about people understanding your child from this viewpoint -- by definition, if your child is in a small minority in IQ, how could most people understand? Think of it in terms of another issue like the environment, say, every brilliant scientist says Earth has an environmental problem, that doesn't mean that the vast majority of Earthlings comprehend the extent of the problem, so, the scientists have to 'market' the issue in a way that the average person can understand.

Try to get by in the school setting. If it feels awful, then try home or cyber schooling until the child matures. You really want to do what is best to make the situation positive.

Hope it helps. Good luck. You really aren't alone. Keep reading and researching and you'll realize people have many things in common. For one thing, you are a caring and sensitive parent who is on top of the situation. If you are a gifted person, you are probably very hard on yourself and very sensitive to the situation. Just stay on it. Make sure everyone gets as much rest as possible. Also, sometimes it helps to make sure the diet is very clean. Sometimes, it is the little details that can make a difference.

Also, try to find any triggers. Gifted kids can often express in great detail why they are in conflict. Perhaps your child feels provoked and then the intense, gifted response is the one getting attention and then your child is in trouble.

Thanks for all your advice. I seriously doubt the school will bring in a psychologist to observe but I am bringing it up at the meeting Friday.

Current diagnosis is sub threshold ADHD. He has the heightened senses (including smell) and IMO is close to having Aspergers. He can read expressions and non-verbal communication (especially in adults) and does make eye contact well. He also doesn't fixate on one particular thing but he does fixate on a variety of interests.

Strangely, he apparently has not one, but THREE girlfriends! How is it that he is socially thriving at romance? He is bringing home love notes and gifts (again). So he has some social skills, lol.

He often says, "you don't get it". He sees himself as an adult and often ridgedly applies rules. He is instructed to not interrupt, and if someone interrupts him he is livid. The issue is he can make a two minute conversation into a ten minute conversation. He will often ask, "Are you listening? Did you hear me?" Especially when in the car and he can't see your face. I think his ridge approach to social rules is the problem. He has been trained to be polite, share, say hello, etc. Wheb he is nice to a child and they don't respond, or a child is rude back he doesn't know what to do. They have violated the rules.

We have no social skills groups in this area. Nearest Metro area is an hour and a half away. There is no way we can commute for these types of therapies. I'm looking into a homeschool group to connect too. I'd like to see if we can connect especially over the summer. My husband does not want me to homeschool so all we have is connecting over community activities.

I'm doing what I can and I'm going to market some pretty strong arguments Friday. It probably won't be pretty.

hnz1979, have you tried looking for a parent advocate in your area? There are groups that provide this service for free in many states. Even if they aren't located in your immediate area you might be able to get advice over the phone that would be helpful for your meeting with the school. I found our advocate's group through the yellow pages at wrightslaw, and they were beyond helpful with simple things such as giving me the correct way to phrase questions and requests for the things I needed to communicate at school meetings. They also helped make me aware of what services were available at our ds' school and what our school was legally required to provide in evals and services etc - when our school was claiming no knowledge of anything

Good luck with your meeting Friday!

polarbear