Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Numbing

After answering a question posed to me a couple of weeks back on another thread about if my son was excited about a wonderful opportunity presented him, I thought the topic deserved it's own thread.

I'm finding as my sons enter late middle school and beyond, often times they've become somewhat numb to what I consider amazing opportunities, educational options, extracurricular options, etc. they have. Far and away they still take advantage of them, however, sometimes it stuns me that they aren't as excited about the possibilities as I am.

I'm assuming others here have had that experience. I wouldn't call it ungrateful, simply a numbing. Perhaps it's simply raising of expectations? I'm simply trying to process my thoughts on the matter at this point, your input and experience is appreciated.

I think we are more aware of the implications of those opportunities. They don't understand what it means in the future to NOT have them.

I think that is accurate-- it's just that it seems normal to most of our kids to have some truly extraordinary opportunities that are not (in general) afforded to others.

I'm still not clear whether it simply doesn't occur to my DD that not everyone has those opportunities... or if she takes for granted that SHE will... or if it makes her feel somewhat guilty/uncomfortable that others do not, and therefore she prefers to gloss over them.

With my own DD, it's quite possible that it is the latter. She seems genuinely excited about some things, but often comes across as "cool" over it to the casual observer.

Some of this could also be her trying to be older, too-- she's usually the youngest person being offered such opportunities in any cohort, and she prefers to not advertise that particular fact.

I think it's also fair to consider that, unless given an alternative frame of reference, children are blissfully unaware of how their experiences differ from "normal." Whatever their personal experiences are, that's what defines their normal.

I'll absolutely agree with that thought pattern Dude, however, I'm also talking about those 16+ years old and worldly enough to have valid comparison, also fully capable of making those comparisons.

If you eat chocolate enough, it stops being special you know? That doesn't mean you want to stop eating chocolate,it still tastes good, it can still be appreciated, it just stops being special and you cease being excited about it. I'm not sure there is a way to change that other than to not get chocolate very often.

Exactly. And if you have friends who don't eat chocolate often, you may even deliberately choose to downplay having it for every meal.

I'm trying to recall if there was a time when DD wasn't rather sanguine about things like this. I think so. I recall her being very excited to get artwork featured by a local bookstore, and thrilled to be interviewed by the newspaper. I think it started to change for her when she was about 11, maybe 12 years old. About the time she entered high school.

Jaded? Law of diminishing returns?

Another possibility is that if a kid has a strong growth mindset they see possibilities and opportunities in almost any experience. Something with a cost and novelty to it might generate appreciation but not a higher level of expectation of possibilities.