Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy In Trouble!

Check out the smaller program. Talk to those teachers and participants. See if they could come together even (maybe) for a meeting and include there parents if possible. The highly gifted parents are so right on and honest that maybe they will tell you exactly the pros and cons from their perspective.

Then, go with your gut instinct and don't hesitate to trust that reaction or instinct.

If you want to, you can analyze precisely what is giving you pause and then address those issues one by one with the right people depending on how your district works.

(First time through, parents have to get up to speed very quickly on how the district works. That process alone can take time. If you are new to that district, maybe you need an experienced person to assist so that you get good advice on what is going on there and how your highly gifted child figures into the big picture.)

Usually, I'd say, parents jump at the chance to have the much smaller teacher-student ratio. Depends on entirety of classroom situation though.

My opinion is that what is good for the profoundly gifted is also good for all of the other human brains that are developing right along with them because it raises everyone's standards and if we read the news we see that all humans want to see human society improve (Don't they?). Raising standards may do that.

Off the cuff, it sounds as though your child is going to be very successful, so (big picture) that will be great. Each year should get better and, in general, there will be teachers in high school who are thrilled to teach and challenge the profoundly gifted. They may have had the same childhood experience. (I am fondly remembering my Chemistry teacher in high school. She really was way ahead of her time, amazing, inspirational and aspirational.) So, hopefully, along with the disappointments there may be some pleasant surprises.

I totally agree with points 1-4, especially point 1, as regards top-ranked schools. It's always worth noting that those rankings only point out generalities, and such data is not useful for predicting individual outcomes.

As for point 5, I'd say that personal experience can be VERY useful, so long as the parent doesn't make the mistake of overly identifying with their child, understands how their child is different from them, and respects them as individuals with their own identities. Our children are still very much like us, so we have some unique insights into how our children will respond to certain environments based on our own personal experiences, where those similarities come into play. These augment our insights gained from observing our children over time, and the unique insights our spouses can offer based on their own, often different set of similarities to the children.

For example, I have so much in common with my DD in the cognitive domain that I've often joked that I have the user's manual to her brain. I can follow or lead her thoughts like nobody else. So when she entered K-1, I had some unique insights into exactly how the environment was fitting her, based on my own experiences. I was able to tell the teachers a number of things they would have seen from her, informed by my own experiences, and they confirmed them. My family chose not to skip me, and that was the right choice for me, based on a number of factors/concerns. I was able to tick off all of those points and show how they didn't apply to DD, so the correct choice for her was different.

DW, on the other hand, was able to provide unique insights into how DD was reacting to the environment, because she shares some personality traits with DD, particularly in the emotional domain.

I also agree with respect to Point 5; it has been quite helpful for me to understand what is happening with my son as I have already experienced most of it. With that in mind, his experiences are still different and he is a different person so while I can use my experience, he is not me.

Still, it's an advantage when advocating for him.

What about owning a record store? At least that gives you a loftier goal to work toward. I would think you could talk about what type of record store he wants to own, how he can get backing for such a business, what kind of education might be helpful, etc. If you talk about it conversationally, instead of lecturing, he might start to see a bigger picture on his own. Just a thought... but I get that it's difficult to see too far into the future for most 13 year olds.

Will there still be record stores when he graduates?

Dude, DD and I share the same basic model of brain, too-- so I understand completely what you are saying there. It is highly useful. The only down side is the perception (definitely not realistic) that this represents enmeshment rather than me simply understanding what makes her tick because she and I are so similar in our responses...

I wonder if it is because I'm female, or if it is more to do with sharing the same gender.

Anyway. Something that other parents with this level of intuitive insight into their kids might want to know-- it can look "enmeshed" to an outsider.

I sent you a private message (flashing envelope).

High-performing high schools may be better suited to mildly to moderately gifted students who are also high achievers. They give lots of homework, but nothing will be super-deep. This model works reasonably for a chunk of bright students, but the heavy workload can be stultifying. If the school is large, your son will likely get next to no personal attention. The smaller program may provide individualized attention, but the standards may also be low. I'm writing his as the parent of a HG+ tenth grader who has experience with both types of school in California. I think it's important to know this information so that you can make a informed decision. I suggest contacting the alternative school and talking to them at length about your son. People in alternative ed. tend to be more flexible than people at big high schools, primarily because a) their students don't fit the mold and b) they're a lot smaller.

Well, if you're looking for falsification to disprove the theory, look no further, because for my DD and I, it's definitely NOT related to shared gender.

DD's default emotional responses seem to be borrowed from her mom, so I'll leave that open to speculation, though.

Records...I had forgotten about those things.

Now that certainly brings back memories of elementary school.

No, I was more wondering if the perception that such a thing represents enmeshment is related to me being the female parent, or the fact that DD and I are female.

I already knew that the hive mind thing wasn't gendered. My dad and I shared it, too.