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I am a very fustrated single mother who sometimes wish her 15 year old son could just be like everyone else.

He was identified gifted in kindergarten. By the time he entered 3rd grade, he started showing difficulties in organization and following directions. Fourth grade was a horrible year. His teacher doubted he was gifted at all. He had extreme trouble keeping his desk clean and turning in assignments. It seemed as though he lost them within 5 minutes of recieving it. A horrible personality conflict arose between the teacher and my son and most of that year he was in ISS for not following directions. He completed all of states tests with 100% (which he could have done the begining of the year)and OLsaT placed him around 130. I was a teacher at this school also and lost all credibility as a mother and as a professional.

We moved. I began working for different district and my son went to another district. I didn't place him in the gifted program because, I didn't want the pressure of making him complete his work or listen to his teacher at school. (I didn't have much problems at home).

His 7th grade year, he wanted to be in the gifted program again. He took the new district's screening and was acepted quickly. This IQ test placed him at 140. He experienced extreme difficulties in his classes regarding deadlines, applying himself, quality, ..... a classic "underachiever". I thought perhaps, the past few years I had let him go by without studying that now, he was learning to put effort. I imagine it is difficult for a middle school teacher to monitor a student to write posted assignents in his agenda and to constantly lengthen due dates by a day for his procrastination.

His teachers in middle school didn't speak to me very much, but they seem to agree he belonged in the gifted brogram and did not see placing him in regular classes would benefit him. His grades were a rollar coaster...95+ or 50 for incomplete.

Towards the end of 9th grade, my son suggested to me that he may be ADHD. It had never occured to me, nor has any of his prior teachers suggested it. The common teacher remark was "does not apply himself" or basically a lazy underachiever.

The next part was hard... getting a proper diagnosis. Our family doctor thought it might be possible but he was honest about the difficulty of a dx because of his IQ. After two psychologist who found ADHD inconclusive we found an adolescent psychiatrist who made the dx.

There seems to be a lot of controversy over medicating gifted children for ADHD. I thought we would give it a try... he would probably be able to get meds when he was an adult anyway, why not subject him to my feedback while he still lived with me.

After the last grading period his grades were near perfect. His courses are mainly preAP or IB and humanities. Projects were completed on time with more depth, he participated constructively in discussions, and he caught up with 6 months of reading he said he skimmed in the past for his courses. A lot of his teachers are amazed. He did this all on his own accord without any of my helpt. That is the way he has always been.

Even with this experience, I'm faced with a lot of criticism I find hard to deal with. Criticism with being "one of those mothers" who force their child to be gifted and now medicating to exploit his talents. ADHD in my entire state seems to scream "behaviour problem", "poor parenting", or "medicating children so they'll become zombies".

Public education seems to service the majority and NCLB seems to put much focus on the lower end of the spectrum. What really happens to gifted students who are not obedient overachievers?

Welcome.

I'm sorry you're feeling judged for your obviously carefully considered decisions. That's no fun!

Ultimately though, the questions are these: do you feel like you're doing the right thing for your child? Is the medication helping him? Would he say he is better off now than he was before?

If you answered yes to all of these, then I'd say you should ignore the critics. He's your son, and you have to do what you think is best. It sounds like he has ADHD and the medication has allowed him to do what he is capable of doing in a way that he couldn't before. Medication is not for all kids, but it is very helpful for some kids, and it sounds to me like your son is one of those kids. Well, then, good for you for figuring it out and getting him the help he needed!

Why do people even know about it? Is this generic criticism, or is it aimed specifically at you?

My son seems to leave a lot of fustrated teachers since 3rd. He has had a few teachers in the past who had said to him "why can't you just do this in the classroom" while holding a standardized test with an excellent score.

It was more of a concentration focusing problem....I see that now, but like many others I thought he was just being difficult with poor work ethics. When I apply strict consequences, such as a quiet room with no distractions, he gets things done in 10 minutes.

His current teachers know about it because we have been trying to improve his work ethics and since his meds are a class II, the school needs to be notified.

He also had a few passionate teachers in middle school who wanted to be the one who helped him become successful.

Sometimes, I even feel criticized by his doctor who has basically said... with his IQ treatment is a good question. If the 50's and 100's average out... he's passing at a 70.

So it's the teachers who are criticizing you for the medication? That seems odd.

With his IQ, averaging failing grades and perfect scores seems like a dumb move! And I wouldn't take a 70% when it's clear that the child can do significantly better than that. That's just ridiculous advice!

Don't lose the courage of your convictions. Dottie's 100% right about standing strong, I think. People tend to criticize when they think *you think* you might be doing the wrong thing. If you seem confident, they'll usually back off. At the very least, you make it clear that the matter of your particular child's welfare is not open for debate by the masses. And that would probably be enough, no?

I waited two years after my son was diagnosed with ADD before finally turning to medication. We tried every alternative you can think of, from herbal remedies to behavior charts, and nothing made a difference the way medication has. We started with the lowest possible dosage and I have tried to maintain him at the lowest level that shows a positive effect. I understand the comments you've received, as my son's ADD doc has seen his IQ tests and knows he is profoundly gifted. He has cautioned me to make sure that I am not trying to medicate him in order for him to excel academically. It's funny really, as I have been very clear with him about our reluctance to medicate, and we are very laid back about academics. But I guess sometimes it is hard for people to see giftedness and not wonder if there is parental pushing happening.

welcome to the board, and I hope your son will continue to do well in his new school!

After ranting above, I just had a thought. Perhaps the other teachers are just going through what I am.... which is bewilderment. Medication works....though I still think my son should just apply himself and get the task done. I suppose he's learning how to do this also. I know his humanities teacher is speachless.

I've been criticized in the past.... to which I basically ignore since I can't manage my son's behaviour in their classroom and I don't have problems at home. I just never heard a teacher bring up focusing issues.


Thank you Kriston and Dottie for your advice. I know the more I react to criticism I am not doing myself or my son any good. I just feel so alone with this.

To get him to be more autonomous I'm having him participate in an aDHD study at a local University to see if he can strategically focus on areas ADHD is causing issues for him.

Welcome Justamom! I'm sorry for the long road you've traveled. I find the comments about not medicating just to make the excel academically a bit puzzling. Is excelling academically a bad thing? An unworthy goal? Am I missing something here? What if you had a kid that was failing w/ ADHD. And you could medicate that kid such that the kid was performing on grade level and thus had a better shot at an education and a better start in life...would they ask the same question ie: Are you medicating him just to make him excel academically? A friend medicated her DD who was struggling w/ reading and thus had low self-esteem. Her reading took off, jumped grade levels, self-esteem rose - isn't the purpose of going to school learning to read and getting an education?

To me it's like having a kid w/ asthma who is breathing w/ 50% efficiency. OH well, you're breathing at 50% efficiency, we don't want to medicate him just so he can breathe w/ 100% efficiency and is able to lead a normal life and play sports. 50% is good enough. I've read so many articles about the US's love affair w/ mediocrity and I think it's laughable, but sometimes I have to wonder if they are right.

sorry...I'll get off the soapbox now.

I dunno. It was a pretty good soapbox...

I really like this approach. I think it's true that once things become disorders with available medication, the medication tends to be overprescribed. There are lots of people today on depression meds who probably don't meet criteria for depression and there are kids on ADHD meds who really do have poor parenting as the root of their issues. But that doesn't change the fact that depression is a frequently fatal disease and the SSRIs have been life-saving for some. Similarly, there are kids with ADHD who benefit enormously from the medication and it certainly sounds like your kid is one of them. Just because some kids don't need the medication they're on doesn't mean that *your* kid doesn't need medication.

From what you've described, it sounds like meds have been wonderful for your son and he's lucky to have you willing to endure the critcism to get him proper treatment.

I think the only parents who get no criticism from others overstepping their boundaries must be those who have perfectly normal children. (Are there such kids?) If your kid has any outlier tendencies, it seems to open up lots of criticism from others who don't understand the situation. In the GT world, people get criticized for homeschooling, for skipping grades (just let them be kids), for advocating (overinvolved helicopter parents), for getting testing (leads to a "label"), and for thinking school should involve academics and not merely be social. It took me a year of being really nice in the school system before I accepted that I'd rather be "one of those" parents than let the school harm my kid. Now I'm much less sensitive to the criticism from family, friends, or school personnel because I don't think they know enough about GT issues to comment effectively. And sometimes, just giving in to being one of those parents can have positive consequences. We found people in the school who agreed with us and were happy to see us advocate and encouraged it (quietly and only when alone with us!). We found that many people were willing to learn about the HG world as we were and it turned out to be ok!

Welcome and I hope you find support for your choices here that will bolster you against those who criticize IRL.

I LOLd at this, gratified3, and I agree wholeheartedly with the rest of your post.

You go, girl!

I've been told that if it is not ADHD that is causing the problems, the medication won't change anything.
My husband has ADD. He was always called an underachiever throughout his schooling. It very much affected his self-esteem. While he always seemed to keep things together, working excessively, night school, M.B.A., taking care of a family; he always felt as if he was spinning his wheels.
After his diagnosis and treatment with Concerta, I noticed a huge change immediately and so did he. If he doesn't take it, I also notice.
There is controversy, because some of the symptoms of ADHD overlap with some of the traits of gifted people. Especially HG. I was misdiagnosed in elementary school as having ADHD and had to take medication I didn't need. There was no change in my behavior on the medication, if anything I was more out of control.
As moms we all have to make the best decision for our children based on the information we have and our gut feelings. If your decision is to medicate him and you see a noticable change, then no one really gets to have an opinion about that. Except maybe your son, and since he was the one to bring it up.....
I hope your treatment plan helps your son meet his potential and his own goals for education and performance.

Can I just give a collective back-patting for the sanity and supportiveness of this forum?

There are a lot of places that would get into an ugly fight over this topic--foolishly, I would say. I love that we are a case-by-case kind of place that respects parents and the individual needs of kids. I think the responses to this thread have made it clear that no one here believes in willy-nilly medicating kids, but that we think medication is a valid option worthy of consideration in some cases. That's a smart, sane response I think.

And every time we back any parent who is doing the best job s/he can do, I feel proud to e-know you all.

Yay, us!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Rampant-Emotion-free thread...

Hear, hear!

got a question - what is the minimum age for diagnosing ADHD/ADD? For some reason I think it's not until 7 or so?? I'm kinda keeping some thoughts in my back pocket about one of my kids, but he's only 5 y.o....

Thank you everyone! It's great to hear someone else had walked the same path to some extent.

I knew he was fustrated in 8th grade when he asked his GT teacher if she thought he was gifted. Luckily, she was the one who screened his test a few years ago and told him without a doubt.

This whole ADHD thing is new to me and ultimately, he has to find some way to overcome these obstacles. I'm hoping while on medication, he learns to productively accomplish school so it will become a pattern/habit he can fall back on if meds don't work. (I'm learning the effectiveness for some wear off after time) I'm also interested in seeing what the researcher at the university will find if he's able to participate in her strategic learning and social developement study.

I have read where some children as young as kindergarten were diagnosed with ADHD. I know in my 4th grade classroom, students who were diagnosed ADHD show significant difficulties with reading long text, often blurt, or get off task quickly/repeatedly. I did not recieve these types of complaints from his teacher

FWIW.... he was a hypersensitive baby to light, sound, and touch.

Yes! YEAH US!!!! BIG HUG!!!

I suspect that trying to diagnose ADHD too early might be part of the reason for the frequent feeling that kids are overmedicated today. Some people forget that young kids are not normally able to sit and focus for long periods of time, that they are really supposed to be active and moving a lot. Being appropriately active for one's age is very different from being ADHD, but in a classroom where the teacher expects quiet all the time, active kids stand out, and not in a good way.

I DO have a very big problem with medicating a small child for the teacher's convenience! But obviously that's nothing like what's happening in this case. Very different thing. When your child asks for help in junior high, it's pretty clear there's a real problem in need of a real solution.

Combine a GT kid and the tendency for extended focus (especially on subjects that interest the child) with ADHD and the scattered focus there, and you probably come up with the 50%-or-100% scenario. Something to think about...

Welcome JustAMom,
I'm really, really glad to hear that your son is in preAP classes and getting perfect grades. I'd love to see what his IQ score would be now, on an individualized IQ test. I'll bet it's beyond 140, and that his near perfect scores may still represent him not being truly challenged. So when the folks say you are using the medication to get the scores, you can at least think to yourself - for all we know he could still be underachieving, even with the medication! Actually my hope is that he is perfectly placed, perfectly diagnosed, and perfectly challenged. After all these years - Yippee!!!

Smiles,
Grinity

Thank you Grinity,

I've always been curious about his true IQ though in the state that I'm in, the school districts rely on OLsaT, ITBS, or Stanford (or a combination of). I looked into the WISC however, it's quite expensive since he doesn't show a learning disorder, at least the definition of one in this state. I've read Colorado's handbook on 2E children and found it very interesting how they diagnosed children using the discrepancy between the verbal and ability portion of the test. I wonder if this occur for my son.

His IQ has not been very important to me except what he chooses to do with it. We were very lucky to have a retired medical school professor teach his 7th grade biology class a few years ago who inspired him. He's very interested in biomedical engineering.

I just feel a little lost trying to do what's best.

Thank you everyone for your words. They mean a lot to me!

One nice thing about the WISC, is that it 'should' come with the interpretations of a knowledgable professional who can offer some guidance. Is is a real pain that we Moms are left so much on our own with these 'difficult to raise' kids.

I agree that his IQ isn't important, but it might be a launching pad onto you having more of a map in the 'doing what's best' department.

Welcome! Glad to hear he had a great teacher. Can you get them together nowadays?

Grinity

One way my children's IQ number has helped me is that I was grossly underestimating what they could learn and how fast. That number gave me permission to present them with material I thought was radically above level. They have thrived in a home learning environment and became more excited about learning than ever since I started allowing them access to higher levels of academic products/toys/books, etc. I wouldn't have before their tests. I think that's a good use of "the number".

Neato

Ditto what 'Neato said.

Though I guess my biggest wake-up-call actually came from the achievement test results (Woodcock-Johnson III for us, administered by the school to ID for GTness). That led to our getting IQ testing for him to confirm what we saw on the WJ3.

Still, knowing that his ability and potential were well beyond what material we had been giving him made a big difference in how DH and I have approached his education, and it's been for the best. He's much happier now that he's actually being challenged.

Welcome JustaMom!

The decision to medicate was not made lightly in your situation. In fact you son seems to be the first to recognize what might be going on. That to me shows that he has had the desire to preform better than his grades were showing. In my limited experience that is not typical of the Classic underachiever.

If your son finds that the medications help him (as they apparently do) then you are doing what is in the best interest of your child. I agree with the other posts to use the critism as positive teaching opportunities when possible and let it roll off your back when you can't.

Gifted children with ADD/ADHD can present very differently from a ND child with ADD/ADHD. I am impressed that given all the adversity that your son and your family have gone through that he has stepped up and is doing so wonderfully now! All of you deserve to congratulate each other and continue to build on the positive effects you are experiencing

Justamom -- medicating a child does not change behavior caused by poor parenting! Maybe medicating the parent might change poor parenting, but that's not your issue!

If you are getting the response you want from a 15 year old by giving prescribed medication, then don't change anything!

Yes Justamom....I agree w/ what everyone else has said. You've not one this lightly. It's working well for your son. Educate those that you can, forget those that you can't.

Thank you OHGrandma! I'll have to remember that.



elhO706, I'm taking notes. After reflecting on his earlier years, I can imagine the teachers he had fustrated were struggling with their own paradigm of ADHD being just a "behavioral issue". Oddly, my younger son's kindergarten teacher suggested my youngest was ADHD when he actually had amblyopia.



I've been trying to analyze these differences and look at the overall attitude of educators we will be interacting with. I think for the most part, my son is teaching all of us about the possibility. There is no doubt many other 2E children get ignored or fustrated in an unsuccessful school experience.

Wow... we have progress! He's been acepted into a research study on ADHD teens. At least 3 to 5 other doctors are looking at his thinking and helping him come up with ways to organize incoming information.

I feel soooooooo relieved since it was difficult to diagnose. Maybe now his dianosis will have more validity.

YEAH!!!! I hope it goes well.

Wow! Good news! Keep us updated, will you, please?

Very nice! Please post things that work... I'm starting to tear out my hair again

That plan sounds great. I'm grateful for the medication(DH has ADD), but I love that they are coming in from that angle. Research and personal experience lends me to believe it is possible to "re-train" the brain, to some extent.

Good luck, looking forward to hearning good things......

The whole research study was quite interesting because I wanted to know if my son was able to quickly modify his own behavior when dealing with ADHD issues. There were other students participating from the area as well as other states who were also gifted/ADHD... I think one may have been dyslexic.

My son tells me he enjoyed the strategies and he seemed eagar to try them when school started. I can't really tell if these exercises or strategies are working for him... he tells me he uses them occassionally. His teenage hormones seems to be causing an influx of issues this year.

If I was to determine what made the most significant change in producing more consistent grades... it would be medication. He tells me he was able to concentrate much more effectively instead of having various sounds and thoughts going on at the same time. Another problem I think we all are dealing with is overexcitabilities... with the combination of hormones and emotional maturity evolving.... I'll just say I am so glad I am not a teenager anymore.



I also believe we can "re-train" our brains. I've been reading a few brain research studies where modifying behavior was compared with brain scans and I'm amazed at the differences these studies are showing.