Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Feeling overwhelmed

DS5 has just started K. It's only week 5 of K and I am starting to see a long struggle of trying to get him an appropriate education. He has attention and executive functioning challenges, he has some social issues with problems reading cues and a tendency just to talk about what interests him, and he is very bright.

He had an early intervention program focusing on social skills and emotional regulation as he originally had a diagnosis of PDD NOS. We had a meeting with his therapy program manager, his psychologist, the principal, his teacher, and the school counsellor today. The school thinks he is adjusting fine, that other kids have bigger behavioural problems, and that they have a number of students with similar profiles. The school has not started an accelerated learning plan for him, they said they want to get his basic skills in place first.

I had a look at the math curriculum, and it does appear that he knows how to do everything up to the 2nd grade level, and that is with no formal instruction. I just get an awful feeling he is not going to learn much of anything academic this year.

I hate conflict, and it felt like the school thought I was making a fuss over nothing and that DS is just fine. I don't know much about scores from gifted tests, I don't know if DS would be considered HG or just gifted. I don't know if the school has other students similar to DS in their academic ability, but I worry that they are not going to give him enough challenge and he won't learn study skills, he will be bored, and he will develop behavioural problems. They did mention the possibility of subject acceleration at a later date, but it is not possible now due to social and emotional immaturity. We wanted to have a shadow to support the teacher in the classroom, but the school is hesitant.

I would ask someone to tell me it gets easier, but from what I have read here it doesn't. Thanks for reading.

Wow, verbal 152, that's intense. I work on trying to strengthen my vocal chords. Our child talks so much about everything and is so intense, there are many days when I am hoarse from over-interaction, discussion, debates.

The schools for some reason (maybe many reasons) really teach for (I'm assuming) the average IQ child (100 points). So, it never tires out a gifted child mentally but it takes up most of the main hours of the day. The gifted child needs to get mental exercise before and after school.

The parents or responsible adults at home really still have to provide the mental exercise even though the child was in school.

We feel your anguish. Hang in there.

My DS8, who scored 141 on the NNAT2,99.something percentile has not been challenged in his magnet gifted program and I feel your pain.

The traditional educational system is not designed to, nor can it be expected to, cater to a minority of students. They just don't have the resources. I also do not like conflict and it became clear that I was beating my head against the wall, by trying to get the "gifted-trained" personnel at the school to realize what I was talking about by appropriate challenges.

I have kept homeschooling on the table for both of my kids (I also have a DS6), but they love the social aspect of school, so we just let them go, knowing that they probably won't ever be challenged there.

Outside of school we go to the library weekly, and have a large selection of books at home, too. I buy the Singapore Math Challenging word problems books, also critical thinking workbooks. we watch a lot of NOVA, we play a lot of games...have done chess club...my DS6 was actually giving DS8 some strategy tips as I played Othello against him last night. DS6 seems to be a natural for game theory. We have a membership to the Natural Science museum and go there often, etc. Lately they are having a blast with MadLibs, which will mean that DS6 has the parts of speech down already in Kindergarten, but I have to admit his favorite adjective is "poopy," shouted out with a mischievous cackle.

I don't like to have them do structured enrichment after school, because I feel they've been subjected to sitting still for long enough.

If at some point we notice they are less open to truly challenging ideas or that their self-motivation slows, I'll probably press the homeschool issue with them.

In the meantime, we focus on keeping our out-of-school time interesting, which really isn't a challenge, because the kids are driving it with their incessant and beautiful curiosity.

Hi! I agree that many public schools may not be equipped (at first) for 2E/GT, but if your son has an IEP, I would make a few recommendations:

1.)focus on his educational needs in the IEP - even if the school says he doesn't need it b/c so many kids need more educational facilitation than him. Needs are needs based on the IDEA law & regs. It doesn't matter if some of his organization or other issues/skills are like the other kids. The IEP is an INDIVIDUALIZED education plan.
2) If you don't agree - kindly don't agree - verbally and in writing. It is tough to challenge or debate school staff - but you know your child more than they do. Plus, I have never heard of any school saying "yes, you are right" the first time. It is like the "no problem" is the automatic first statement.

Many times, the staff made it sound like things were in no way possible. But, being a bit of a doubter, I disagreed verbally - and at times, in writing. (Or provided partial consent: "I consent to secure eligibility/services, but I disagree with the current IEP goals." I suspect you will be AMAZED what happens after you disagree, because some school districts instruct the staff to make the adjustments to get agreement. A family member who is a lawyer told me, "it doesn't exist unless it is in writing." If you disagree - the school has to provide you a Prior Written Notice to explain why they will not go with your disagreement. Many don't want to do that. If it doesn't reflect your disagreement, make sure you appeal through the process that should be found on the PWN letter.

3) Get the outside psych, doctor, advocate, grandparent, or anyone who you feel can speak up for you. Let them be the "bad cop" and allow you to be the "good cop." The school is required to have the IEP Team reach an agreement, so make sure there is more than you at the meeting, and someone who can professionally and in a nice but firm way - call it as it is.

While the school will see your son come and go, you will be living with the outcome for a long time - whether they taught him the skills he needs or not. There are not many other public areas to get help for 2E - so this is where you need to advocate for him. The school will not, and they will try to explain why it should be "x" instead of "z" - but they cannot do it unless the PARENT AGREES.

Stay strong and know YOU have more say than you think you do. Good luck!

Thanks for your responses and support. I think the school definitely has potential to do more for him. We are in Australia, so I don't know if they legal stuff is a bit different. We do have his psychologist advocating for him. She is insistent that it is his legal right to have an appropriate academic plan. It is up to the school whether or not he gets an IEP for his attention and emotional regulation issues as he does not have a diagnosis. He no longer qualifies for PDD-NOS.
They did mention the possibility of subject acceleration for him in the future, although this is currently not a possibility due to his social development. At least they are open to it when/if he is ready. They also have a school chaplain who is dedicating an hour a week to doing extension with him. We offered to pay for a private shadow in the classroom as we found this helpful in his daycare last year, but they seem resistant and insist he doesn't need it.

I am also worried about him socially. He fluctuates toward older kids, he always had at the playground. Now he is telling me stories about how nobody likes him, and they tell him to go away, and that he is a baby, and that he has to make up friends to play with. But he also has a great imagination, and often makes up stories about his day when I asked him, particularly about academic stuff. I think he sometimes tells me the stuff he wishes he were learning. He has told me a couple of times he was working on multiplication, but they haven't even started addition yet.

Anyway, his psychologist is very good, and so fingers crossed we will get an academic plan in place for him by the end of term 2!

Thanks again for the responses.

You mention feeling overwhelmed... here on the forums you've found a treasure trove of resources and experiences to read and benefit from. It can be a helpful cure for feeling overwhelmed. You are not alone.

From what you've posted, it sounds like you may possibly be located outside of the United States of America, therefore your educational system and laws governing it may vary from those in the USA. There is an international forum, in case posting there may be of help for any local specifics.

Some of this may depend upon the approach taken. There are many advocacy books, and links to advocacy information which are frequently shared on the forums. They may be easily found with a search of the archives.

The child's tester is often the best source of information and interpretation of your child's scores. Much can also be learned from reading the information provided free to the public on a test publisher's website. There are discussions about this also found in the forum archives.

Some would say this does not matter when the focus is on having your child's needs met. That said, it may sometimes be helpful to use MG, HG, EG, PG as an indication of how far from the norm and how rare an intelligence profile is. Hoagies Gifted Education Page includes this page.

Due to student privacy laws parents would not be privy to this information, however students often observe and develop a sense of how bright the other students are.

You may want to begin researching other academic learning environments or education options which may exist in your area. Meanwhile know that challenge, study skills, and behavioral skills may all be worked on at home. Many families do this. Discussion, bibliotherapy, and specific programs are a few possibilities. Families continue to research and advocate for the school to provide meaningful learning during the many hours a child must spent at school each day.

Sometimes when a child receives an academic challenge worthy of their potential, their behavior improves (if their misbehavior was related to a lack of learning new material, boredom, repetition).

You may wish to research acceleration and also what specific services the shadow would provide, and the impact of these items upon your child's learning.

The journey can become easier in many ways. Intensity, if you have an intense child, may not disappear but a parent's ability to understand, coach, and guide the intensity may make the journey easier for all. Advocacy and negotiating skills can improve resulting in more positive outcomes and less of a sense of conflict. It gets easier after much, much research and reading.

I agree with this post. I'm sorry I didn't realize you were in another country, which can make a big difference in how schools and institutions handle it.

For social needs, there are excellent websites and Apps
are specific for social skills. Here are some good places to go (as I'm on my phone and not on my computer w bookmarks):

1. The social thinking program by Michelle winner Garcia has helped my 2 boys: www.social thinking.com where there are materials for different ages. Cartoonish "SuperFlex" for younger children, "thinking about you thinking about me" for older individuals that talks about expected and unexpected behaviors that other people react to.

2. Social skills apps for phones, iPads, tablets can be found on the Autism Speaks website, as well as the VCU site for 2E students w various disabilities including social and executive function skills (organizing, time mgmt, planning, etc.)
3. Apps and software programs listed on the www.NCLD.org website

When I get home, I'll look for my list of social apps to share. In person Applied Behavioral Approaches (ABA) specialists can help a great deal and coach your child and incorporate positive rewards.

I thought I would provide an update. I am feeling a lot more positive academically. The school called me in for a meeting to discuss what they are doing with DS. They are now telling me they have never had a student with his literacy ability before. They are talking about subject acceleration for math and english.

Socially I am still concerned. He has such a huge social desire. I just hope he can find a friend or two that he can build a good friendship with. I will check out those resources you recommended FairfaxIEPmom.