Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Interesting behavior we're observing

My wife and I aren't 100% sure what to make out of this. We just find it a little curious. One of the reasons that we were (past tense) very reluctant to accept that our child was that he didn't seem to have socialization issues. He's able to socialize pretty well with a range of people from his age-mates, to his neighbor next door who is 3 years older than him, to adults.

At any rate, he's in day camp this week and one of the things that he tells us about is this one child that does not act very nice to anyone. Doesn't share. Other children don't want to play with him. Etc. When our DS5 tried to talk with him, this boy just says "poop!" or do something equally five-year-old-ish. Our DS has apparently turned this into a project, trying to befriend this boy. From what DW has been able to observe first hand, this isn't a matter that our DS needs acceptable from this camp-mate. (He has other firends that he plays with or occasionally just plays with himself.)

That got us talking last night about a situation that occurred in nursery school. I'm not sure exactly how long ago this was, but basically a set of twins who didn't know any English was in his class. DS made a conscious effort to play with them, so much so that his nursery school teacher made a point to tell us about it. Again, I don't think he felt the need to be friends with the boys.

At any rate. I just found it curious. Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased that he seems to be acting very nice to these other children! It's been interesting hearing him tell us each day how much progress he's made with the boy at camp.

JB

It sounds like you have a wonderfully empathetic child

This is exactly how DS acts. I think it comes from a strong sense of justice and a desire to understand how other people "work." I see this need to learn about others very strongly in DS--the same he needed to know how to read. When he was in Kindergarten there was a child who was being mean to everyone. DS actually organized an "intervention." He got together about 7 kids to go talk to him and explain how his behavior was affecting them. And this kid actually got better. DS still plays with this child 6 years later!

The teachers see this strength in DS and often place him near problem children because he does have a good effect on them. And DS enjoys the challenge of trying to help them and so far it has not been a burden on DS. DS's K teacher says that he will be a diplomat when he grows up because he takes such joy in negotiating difficult social situations.

I think your son is very perceptive! My son's pre-school teachers and the "shadow" of the "on the spectrum boy" would comment to me all the time about how my DS really connected w/ the boy and really helped the boy to open up and experience new things. Similar to your son, he had other very good friends to play with so it's not like they were each outcastes or anything. The other kids just ignored the boy. If the boy was nervous about going down the slide, DS would be right there encouraging, helping him to calm down and try it and would applaud him when the boy did it. DS even got to attend the summer camp for free b/c they wanted him to spend extra time with this boy. I thought it was wonderful. DS is very mature for his age and NO ONE has ever thought he was his actual age ... not mention he is very tall and just looks older.

I too refused to think DS was gifted b/c from everything i read, many/most GT have issues w/ same-age playmates, preferring older kids and adults. Neither of my boys have ever had any issues w/ same-aged kids. Oddly, it seems DS has been having conversations w/ the 4th-5th graders on the bus about math! LOL. I was shocked by that.

Interesting! Always good to know you're not the only one seeing this sort of behavior.

JB

I guess I should add that my son has acted the same way from a young age. I never really thought about it as part of the GT spectrum. I'll have to look into that a bit more

Dazey, When DS was 5 he was in a karate class with 4th graders. It was so funny to see DS and 2 girls sitting off to the side before or after class doing math together

When DS7 was under a year old--6-9mos, maybe?--I scraped my leg in a fall. He was OBSESSED with it, and from the way he "asked" about it, it was clear that he was trying to make sure that I wasn't in pain. Then in K and 1st grade, he wouldn't get his work done because he was so busy with (positive) social engineering at his table to be sure that everyone else had the supplies needed, was following the rules, and was getting along.

I think pronounced empathy and a desire for social justice/accord are often important to GT kids. All kids are different, of course, but these particular traits are pretty common in the GT population. We've joked here in the past that the whole notion of an "evil genius" seems WAY less common IRL than that of GT kids who care an awful lot about their fellow human beings. And thank goodness for that, no?

You've got a neat kid!

Thanks!

Can't wait to hear how he made our today with the other boy.

On somewhat of a tangent: next week is going to be an interesting week. Monday we meet with K-school principal and Thursday is our official test date...

JB

Good luck!

OH good luck JBDad! I can't wait to read all about it!