Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Tell me it gets better-- please!

DD is 11. It does get better. Unlike when she was little, she can actually be more independent and she can come closer to accomplishing the things she sees in her head. She's also more emotionally mature about her intellect and being different. I recommend getting ready for advanced independence now.

Infancy was rough because she NEVER slept (not behavioral or deliberate but man it took years off our lives). 6-7 was REALLY BAD. 9-10 was also pretty rough. But looking back these times, it's clear to me now that part of the problem was an educational mismatch.

See, we're finally getting smarter about listening to her cues about what she needs academically. The more we can keep her brain busy, the less of a PITA she is. When there's something she doesn't want to do, because of either fear (perfectionism!) or boredom, she will try to get herself into trouble in order to not have to do it. This behavior seems to be at least partially subconscious. When she's forced to keep tight control over her natural inclinations all day in school (not speaking up, avoiding knowing the answers, forcing herself to do tedious busy work that she already knows) it will explode out of her when she's home. When she's desperately lonely because she just can't connect with her peers, she's whiny and clingy and demanding.

Not that she never deliberately misbehaves (she is a child after all and a master manipulator when she wants to be) but that more often the really bad, out of control stuff was because she was suffering in some way she couldn't articulate.

When her intellectual and social needs are met, she's just the sweetest little sarcastic anti-authoritarian you'll ever meet.

This winter has been hard (and her hormones don't help) -- so I went to her school and she'll be switching up some classes in the spring to be more interesting/challenging. I'm looking for some social connections for her as well. I hope this will help... at least for a while.

She was never an easy child and she probably never will be, but it has gotten easier (though it might be more us changing and not her).

When her intellectual and social needs are met, she's just the sweetest little sarcastic anti-authoritarian you'll ever meet.




Do you know my child??

Haha! I've often said DC is at her best when she is busy...so glad it is not just me...



Hilarious! Thanks for giving the rest of us a glimmer of hope for the future...

When my kids were younger, I used to grit my teeth and silently chant "Being strong-willed and independent-minded will be awesome attributes when they are adults." It really did help to remind myself that being compliant pushovers were not qualities I hoped my kids would have. ...Except of course, when it was convenient for ME.

Now that they are teenagers, they choose their battles wrt pushing boundaries at home, and we do more rational negotiation and less digging-in-heels. We appreciate their cynical outlook and questioning of authority and questioning many other things most people take for granted.

Not to say that young teens don't present challenges, just that they are different...

Are you people kidding me? I'm panicking at the idea of a flat function!

Ha HA! Yes MegMeg! Exactly.

DD has recently stopped being defiant to be defiant. She is getting more tactful now and I am suspicious. Is she maturing or is she learning to be diabolical?

She is growing into a female version of Calvin from C & H and I truly embrace that side of her. What bothers me more is that I am also seeing glimpses of Cartman, you know, "Respect my authoritah!"

Phey, do you get enough you time away from your DS? We are starting a drop-off enrichment class so we get a break from each other.

I think you just perfectly described my DS7!

I'm relieved to hear that time does prove to dampen the defiance/intensity. Today was a pretty epic stress day in our house. For the most part I can brush aside her anti authority, questioning everything behavior and even the occasional stares from other moms even though it is EXHAUSTING, it's the intensity with which she or should I say they ( my DS also, although not as bad as DD) need to accomplish/master things themselves without any help from me. Very stressful when they are having a breakdown because they can't get it on the first few attempts (like a new piano piece or math concept) yet they are shouting and screaming NO. I.CAN.DO.IT.MYSELF!!! It's so difficult at the peak of these moments because I so want to step in and say look, let's try it this way, but I have learned that they NEED to try to do it themselves so I have learned to step back for a while. I am hoping this facet of their personalities will improve. I really do.