Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Questions for you all about Giftedness

HK- when I said I loved living with intensity, I meant the book.

Actually, living with intensity, I do enjoy, but it's very tiring.

Also, I agree that I wish I had dumbed down less.

oh wow that bit on friendships - I totally get that! I always feel like the outsider looking in, in any situation. At kids activities and classes, when they were at pre-school I felt it too (although in hind sight that may have been a touch of the typical "OMG your kid is the youngest in the class and can read!" kinda thing). And even with people my age - I have often, especially over the past few years, chosen to deliberately disengage from certain friendships.

It's been quite delightful to find a true friend here and there that I feel completely comfortable with or feel even out of my depth as I have spent so long dumbing down.

I have definitely felt misunderstood the majority of my life and I still often do, although at this point (30yo) I have learned to hide certain things in order to better get along with the general population, although there are plenty of things I do that people don't get. My Mother says I'm PG - I was tested when I was 5/6 so I'm not sure if she's remembering correctly or not! I have written before about how it's hard for me to even 'admit' to being gifted, as if I am lying because I'm not a neurosurgeon or astrophysicist. That's a whole other unrelated thought process.

My daughter is only 3, so she hasn't had much time to be misunderstood yet. I'm sure it's coming though. She's more like a 5/6 year old in most ways, so I can only imagine what it'll be like once she actually is 5/6.

As far as overexcitabilities go, my number one is definitely sensual. Some examples:

- Love to just go to clothing stores and run my hands over the racks to feel all the clothing textures. I always have liked this.
- Very obsessive over colors and color differences. I not only color code my closet (well, most of it is black) but I order by style as well. And I will even stress when a shirt is on the border of two colors, because I want it in the 'right' order.
- LOVE to organize. Alphabetize, size order, you name it. I will actually take all the books off the shelves and reorganize them in a different way, just because I find it enjoyable.

I also display tendencies of Intellectual and (a little bit of) PyschoMotor. My daughter definitely shows PyschoMotor, BUT on the flip side, is that just her being a young child? I'm not entirely sure.

Oh, yes, this. I have different friends for different limited roles, and I am very lucky to be part of a longterm online community of kindred spirits which sustains me. CTY summer camps, then college were the only times I really felt within a community of RL peers. Nowadays I don't connect deeply with people IRL though I have learned to fake it acceptably. Mostly.

I tested PG as a child - in one of the talent-search longitudinal studies and everything. Among my many issues :-) I have very low tolerance for noise (stresses me out), and strong intellectual and imaginational overexcitabilities. In the past couple of years I think I have finally gotten beyond my well-meaning sixth-grade teacher and her classroom library of dystopian and Holocaust literature. I still cannot tolerate the typical horror or action movie. Some of those fears run deep, deep, deep and holding them up to reality as it actually exists doesn't help.

DS7, at least HG+, shows major psychomotor, sensual (currently being helped greatly by OT) and emotional overexcitabilities. Right now we're throwing everything we've got at getting him more comfortable in his own skin. He's highly, highly 2/e.

DD4, I suspect PG, exhibits psychomotor (and then some), sensual, intellectual - really all of them, right now. It's hard being 4. She's up for hand surgery soon and then we'll look at OT for her as well given what it's done for her brother.

It does make home life interesting!

You are on point and still young, so you can benefit from all of the info. online. I read in English, so I enjoy info. from Australia and UK as well. If you can read in all of the other languages, I think you'll find documentation all over the globe.

Two points I wanted to make. One, use what you learn about giftedness to make your decisions about mating and procreating. I am very happy because my spouse and my child have a shared experience that we all relate to. Two, know when you are reading or listening to 'experts' (even if they are very smart), if they are not 'gifted' then what they are saying may not relate to you at all and that is very tough. You have to know yourself and stay strong and know that they may think they are trying to help you, but following them (and going against your instinct) will derail you and you'll lose time having to redirect back to what you knew was right for you in the first place. I hope everyone gives you great helpful advice.

Good luck in all of your future endeavors. Enjoy 23; it goes so fast.

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Do any of you feel that you and/or your children are sometimes/often misunderstood by administrators, teachers, professors, psychologists, or even therapists because of giftedness? For instance, if you or your child indicates that a class is not sufficiently challenging, this might be taken as arrogance though this was never the intention? If you and/or your child has or still encounters this, how do you deal with these irritating incidences? Is this feeling of being misunderstood something we must become accustomed to?

My DS8 would probably love to elaborate to you on his feelings about this question. At 4, his private Kindergarten teacher (who we otherwise LOVE) misunderstood his response to something as "easy" and scolded him for being arrogant. We think he was simply explaining that the reading text he was given was "easy." Little guy broke down in tears that night at the dinner table, so upset that he had hurt his teacher's feelings by saying she didn't give him challenging work.

It has been a battle to minimize the damage that one comment made. To this day, he is afraid to directly talk with teachers about his feelings of "needing challenge." And we have tried it all from inviting him into conversations about educational planning with his teachers to weekly sessions with a psychologist (Ph.D) I don't think even the most seasoned teachers truly know how deeply some of these children feel and how long and intense their reactions can be to a negative response.

ALL.THE.TIME.

It is a shame that a statement is not accepted at face value, treated as authentic, and utilized to gain insight and discuss perspectives.

At a plein air painting gathering... each artist's work is different, and in looking at each piece, one can easily see where each artist had set up his or her easel... the view communicated on canvas is different for each artist, depending on their perspective and distance from the scene depicted. If our society would process a statement about the easiness (or lack of challenge, or boredom) of a class, in the same way we easily see an artist's relative positioning to their subject as revealed through their painting, it would make a positive difference.

The goal of communicating is ideally to enhance understanding, and that implies we are beings with different experiences, perspectives, and knowledge bases.

Sometimes ask/probe/clarify. Sometimes let it go.

It depends on the situation: in random, casual conversations people may wish to let it go. In relationships where more may be at stake, it may be worth investing the time in further conversation to clarify... hopefully with the idea in mind that everyone benefits from enhanced insight and understanding. When deciding, it may be helpful to also keep in mind that gifted are a minority (1%-10%) of the population.

On another current thread, a parent mentioned intensity and asked if it gets better... I didn't even think to answer about school...