Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Younger Child passing by older

I'd love to hear stories and experiences of anyone who has experienced a younger child being at a higher LOG than an older sibling...

background: Nathan is now 5, reads faster than big brother Aiden, computes maths and logic faster, spells better, has longer stronger focus, has more steady internal goal-reaching mechanisms.
Aiden (7) is still impressive in everything he does; I'd say still HG+ and way out there off the curve. He is totally focused when he wants to be and sees the benefit in it.

Right now it's only because he has been doing things for longer that he is "ahead" of Nathan. The gap is closing. Sometimes I see that Aiden must realise this as he calls on Nathan for help in co-operative computer games that requires speed of certain things. Other times he gets angry and mean and manipulative when faced with this. Aiden also has auditory processing issues and anxiety issues that we are still dealing with.

I see that some of the differences are obviously personality, traits, character etc (and these are easy to teach about and cope with).

So now to open the discussion from YOUR pov:

How did it affect their relationship when it became apparent?
How did it affect both children's behaviour in general and towards each other?
What did you do to foster mutual acceptance and kindness?

Anything else you can think of to chat about here. I'd appreciate any and all anecdotes, ideas, suggestions and so forth.

I'm in a similar situation with my DD10 and DS6. While my DD is gifted, my DS is way out there and quickly catching up with big sister academically. There are times when she handles it well, and it is great to hear them discussing books together that they have both read or exploring a science question. However, she can also be very competitive with him, and I can tell that it bothers her that he knows the things he does/is able to do the things he can. She will try to put him down and in his place because I suspect to make herself feel better.

She knows that he is advanced for a first grader, and she seems to be okay with that. I think she just doesn't like to be challenged by her younger brother. How do I help her feel confident about herself? She is a wonderful, gifted girl herself, but I see her self-esteem taking a hit and her doubting her abilities.

We struggle with this too. Our eldest is MG and significantly 2E, our middle child is 4.4 yrs younger but HG+ and only mildly 2E. The only reason #2 hasn't already blown past her older sister in many regards is that she's not very academically motivated. With reading she has the skill but not the interest to read the same books as her sister (just not interested in The Hunger Games at 7yrs old for example), but their reading aloud has been equal for about a year. She's certainly hot on her sister's heels in many regards. She's starting to regularly try to play her older sisters piano pieces, despite the eldest having had 4yrs more lessons, and her biggest obstacle is hand size/strength.

This is also a bit of an issue here, specifically around chess. If they play 10 games, DS5 will probably win 7 and DD10 will win 3. Or maybe it's 6 and 4, but I don't think so. DD is NOT bad at chess, but DS is unusually good. DD definitely does not love this situation. However, she is sort of okay with it...as long as he does not beat her at other games a lot. Which he has a tendency to also do, if they are strategic.

They also occasionally read some of the same books now, though this is because DS is reading "up" (and probably somewhat past his comprehension) and DD is reading "down" (because something is high-interest). But it's a little weird and she recognizes this.

DD is proud of her brother and often comments (too often, actually) on how he is not a "normal" kindergartener and "regular" kindergarteners can't do what he does. But they have a terrible sib rivalry situation as well and I am pretty sure insecurity about his abilities is part of it. He is also a sunnier and better behaved personality. This does not help. We definitely struggle with this here.

I do look for situations where DD can offer "big sister" guidance or instruction to DS. This does not always works (she tried to teach him how to use the Rainbow Loom recently--fail), but it will if the task is appropriate and they are both in the right mood. If it goes well, I think it makes her feel good.

We try to recognize expertise wherever it is. You want to know about some topics (animal behavior...), littler sibling here is the one to ask. You want to know about particle physics, older sibling. Other topics, parents. We make sure to keep in the mix the idea that everyone has only part of the picture, because the world is big.

We are in the same boat. My DD9 is DYS and DD12 is MG.

There was a time that my DD 12 struggle with the idea that her younger sister is smarter than her and know more than her. I spent a lot of time with my older DD and made sure that we love them both the same. We tried to slow my younger DD down (just let the public school handle it :-) for a while).

We are still trying to make sure that both DD gets equal amount of time from us. My older DD is at peace with it now. Both being girls have its own challenges as boy and girl. But they are each other's best friend (especially playing minecraft- younger DD will help her big sister with new stuffs).

Just like ultramaria, whenever we see big sister has something that she is better at it, we make sure to complement her on it and encourage her to teach her little sister.

Brilliant and true response. Love this, DeeDee.

One problem this contributes to in our house is one that parents often have: DD forgets how young DS is and expects him to have more emotional and psychological maturity than he does, so she's annoyed and bewildered when he acts his age. She treats him like a peer of her own age too often, and expects him to be able to handle a lot. When she is around other children in K, in contrast, she takes on a "big kid helping younger kid" persona and is patient and vaguely but unintentionally a little condescending, in that way that older kids can be. She almost never does this with DS, except when helping him with something where he is waaaay behind her, such as drawing or writing. When I do see this dynamic (which DS does not mind!) it makes me a little wistful. I feel like in some ways, they are missing out on a more typical relationship for children with their age gap (4 years).

Unfortunately some teachers' interactions with gifted children may be similar to this, as contrasted with interactions of a coaching/mentoring nature with which they may engage other students in the classroom.