Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How do you talk to your DC about their Gtness?

Voila!

I fear to explain to DD the things that she is able to do and her age peers not... Will she underachieve even more in an attempt to fit in? She underachieves in areas where she knows what is expected for her age, but performs much better if she has not clue.

I have told her that the test results show that she is very intelligent and that she thinks more like an older kid, but I have not gone into much details.

She feels different from others and I think she still does not really know why...

How do I explain it to her?

Or maybe just leave it for the time being?

I waited until the questions came: "Why can't B. read?" "Don't they know how to add?" etc. Then I talked about how some people learn faster than others.

We have used the areas in which DS is not very gifted to demonstrate what it means. He is not gifted in sports or art, but has friends who are. He could tell he wasn't as good at those things as other kids. So I would just say things like,"See how easy it is for Amy to draw pictures, but you have more trouble. But reading is easy for you and harder for her. You have to work to learn to draw and she has to work to learn to read. You both have to learn how to work hard and also to be patient with others who are working to learn new skills. That's OK."

How do you know she feels different? Has she told you this, or are you seeing it in her behavior? What does she say about it? Are there any other explanations for what you're seeing/hearing? Is it possible you're attributing feelings that she doesn't have to what you're seeing/hearing?

I'm not saying she doesn't feel that she's different. I know your DD tends to try to fit in, and that may suggest that she recognizes her differences and is ashamed of them. But to avoid putting thoughts in her head that she might not yet have, I want to suggest that you might want to be sure that you're not projecting what you see onto her. You may see her as different, but she may not yet recognize her difference in the way that you're thinking she does, especially if she hasn't talked about it with you.

Have you celebrated her difference with her? She may be a kid who needs a little healthy bragging from you to feel good about her abilities. That would be social death for some kids who already think too highly of themselves, but if your DD is feeling out of place, then talking her up to herself might be what she needs to feel better about herself. I'd just be sure to praise effort, not just ability or outcome. Specific praise is also good, rather than universals.

But I could certainly be wrong...

This is an interesting topic - I have often wondered the same thing....my DS5 has begun to make comments about the fact that he shouldn't be playing a certain game because it is for ages 8-up or whatever it says on there....he is well past the traditional candyland 5 year old games and is into much older games and has started questioning whether or not he should be doing this....I have just tried to have simple conversations with him that they put those ages on the box just as a suggestion and that he can play any game that he is interested in despite what age is on the box.

DS has gotten at school that people have learning differences. I did ying and yang about letting him read that gifted book written for kids, I forget the title. I sat and read it with him. What he was particularly interested in was the comments throughout the book written by the kids. The entire time he had a big smile on his face and was nodding his head in agreement. He would interject at times, for ex: Yes, the teacher explains things over and over and over and over.

Other than that, I stress willingness to learn, hard work, and effort which that book also stressed.

We have used the comparison of differnt talents, each person has, each different. It can be difficult to explaine sometimes. Games with age peers has created some angst. Pokeman for 5 year olds is somewhat hard, or monopoly. He wants them to play, they want to play, but he has trouble teaching them the rules. It makes him seem bossy. I have stepped in to teach everyone, but have found myself playing for the other children. It goes with the territory I guess.

OH gosh darn Edwin, I have a friend w/ a DS w/ the exact same problem...no one to play Monopoly or Pokemon with. He just turned 6 and games are a big issue in their house w/ lack of peers.

The good thing is that I am now pretty good at pokeman.

I'm getting pretty good at Set and Blokus.