Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Need Help with Transitions

My husband and I are having a tough time with my DS6.5 when it comes to transitions. Whether it is getting ready for bed, getting ready for school or getting ready to go somewhere he just won't get ready unless we stand right beside him and practically dress him or do what he needs to do. It isn't a matter of him not understanding what needs to be done -- we have a chore list for mornings and evenings -- he gets distracted by anything & everything, starts investigating how things work like his door lock, starts reading or even just rolls around on his bed staring at the ceiling thinking his thoughts. I know a big part of it is that he probably isn't excited about what is happening next (going to bed, going to school, etc.), because when he is excited or has a motivation for getting ready he can do it himself in no time flat. Also if he hears us coming near his room, he a lot of times jumps up and pretends that he has been getting ready. We have tried a reward system with a chore chart and that worked for about a week. This happens not just at home but with after school activities as well when I am not around.

Any suggestions on how to keep him on task? Am I expecting too much of him at 6.5?

How modest is he at 6.5? My son had no modesty until age 12 so it was no problem. My son was 5 when this was a problem.


I would bring a nail file or a stack of papers to be read,sorted and signed, or some other task into his room and sit on his bed and prompt him to move onto the next task on the list. He was a happy, talkative, distractible morning person when he was little with 1000 thoughts going through his head and I had to agree with him or listen to him babble and just keep nudging him along.

It meant that we got up earlier, we did his entire routine until he was completely ready...then he was able to read, watch a DVD of cyberchase, play with Legos, or whatever and then I went and got ready.

He is now older and has completely outgrown this. Has his routine down to the minute and sharpens his pencils at 6:36 every single morning. Having to catch a bus changed him.

Child number two hops out of bed a bit grumpier at first, is completely ready in 10 minutes with only a quick question about the weather forecast. Never once had to babysit him. He eats school breakfast though so has one less thing to worry about. Once he is completely ready he is cheerful.

My DS7 is pretty much what you described, and always has been. What I have learned not to do is create a reward chart, or lecture, or get mad, or threaten, etc. All have backfired, or just haven't worked. Here is what works for us:

1. A game! Who can brush their teeth best in a side by side competition? Who gets dressed faster household title of fastest dresser? Stop watches on an iPhone are helpful.

2. An immediate reward/bribe. "Hey, since we're up early, if you eat, get dressed, etc. quickly, you'll have some time for iPAD."

3. Not interrupting his flow. If I can, I move my son through his routine while he talks weather, space, sea creatures, Percy Jackson. etc. Or if he's laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, I move him out of PJs and into day clothes, hoist him up, guide him through his bathroom routine and so forth. I find when I interrupt his flow with my demands, he gets upset and defiant.

I am a "cut and dry" person and always thought discipline should be transparent--until I had my kid. Now, I find that being flexible, low key, and selective about my battles garners the most returns.

My ds just 11 last week is still battling this some.
He is much better but still gets distracted or sometimes just don't follow the game plan. I chalk it up to just parenting. Its baby steps but seems to be paying off.

We have this issue with my two. Making it a game and using timers has been a help. I would not dress my kids, though.

I want to get one of those visual timers that show green/yellow/red but they all are expensive or have bad reviews.

Because time is at a premium in the mornings, we pick out clothes, pack backpacks, and otherwise have everything done the night before. They may not have breakfast till they are clothed, hair and teeth brushed, shoes on. This might not work if your kids aren't big eaters! (mine are)

I agree 100% with this! My 6 year old is exactly like you described. We also found that games help and keeping it silly helps most with him. My DS is a Superhero in training - he is obsessed with superheroes - so I tell him every day that when it is his turn to become a real superhero, he needs to get changed into his gear in the blink of an eye and so he better start practicing now! And it works for us every time. And we also have a competition on who reaches the car first - so no whining about putting on jackets, shoes etc because we are racing each other.
I give him stickers which are his currecncy and when he reaches a certain number, he can go to the Lego store and pick out what he wants. I give him a sticker every morning that he gets ready by himself quickly. I have a morning chore list like - brush teeth, eat, get changed, eat vitamins etc.

Thank you for all the great suggestions. If we make it a game, it does mean that he is more likely to get ready and be on time. However, there are those nights when I am too exhausted to make it a game or I am getting ready myself to go somewhere that I can't do it.

I have also tried timing him, beat the clock, etc. which he does NOT like. He doesn't like the stress he feels when there is a clock involved, and a lot of times it ends up in tears and things taking longer.