Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Almost 2 and Overexcitabilities? Something Else?

My daughter turns 2 at the end of January. She communicates quite well verbally and is very strong-willed. She was mostly potty trained a few months ago, but has regressed a bit after a 2-week long international trip.

She's very "quirky" when it comes to clothes and I spend about an hour or more helping her get dressed each day. When she wets her diaper, she requires a full clothing change, claiming that everything is wet. Even when I tell her that her pants are not wet because of the diaper or that her shirt is definitely not wet. She also needs to take clothes off if they get even a drop of water or food on them.

When we do go to change her clothes, she's picky about what she wants. She rejects almost everything I show. Sometimes just saying, "Nope." or "No bug pants" or "It hurts!" But she's not really consistent with which clothes "hurt" her. I get really frustrated during these times.

I'm trying to work on a better clothes organization system so that it's easier for her to pick her own clothes. I'm also trying to give her words for her clothes (pink kitty shirt, black kitty shirt, flower shirt, etc.) so that if she has something in her mind, she can just tell me and I don't have to suggest 10 other shirts.

It still drives me up a wall.

I don't think that she's just being manipulative. She seems genuinely upset when I try to get her to wear something she doesn't want to wear. (and she can take some of her clothes off herself) I'm not sure if she's most upset about the actual clothes or the feeling that she's not being understood.

Anyone have a kid like this and come out the other side? Did this turn out to be anything more than a phase? Grandma has OCD, so that's on my radar, and I also considered SPD, but that's apparently not something that's always recognized by pediatricians, and since it's not a particularly debilitating condition (at this point), I hate to pull resources away from kids who really need it. Is this even something I should bring up to her doctor?

Been there.

Our DD8 started squirming when I dressed her at around 4 months. When I stopped trying to dress her, she snatched the outfit and tried to throw it as far as her stubby arms would allow. I held her up to her closet and shifted things so she could see. Eventually she grabbed something, and allowed me to dress her without resistance.

Since then, we've stopped buying her anything that she didn't pick out herself, because if she doesn't like it, she won't wear it. We guide her fashion choices based on the weather, the occasion, propriety, and expense, but otherwise give her full control. It's not a battle worth fighting. And by letting her have control over things like this, it helps her become a confident little girl.

Our DD was right about your DD's age when getting things on the clothes became a major issue. She'd spill a little water on herself and DEMAND to be changed. We refused to take the bait on this, and dismissed her with a casual, "It's just water, it'll dry off." And then we let her stay wet and upset until, sure enough, the water dried off. She found that pretty fascinating. We knew the message had sunk in when she later suggested the same thing would happen with a spaghetti stain.

We didn't have the issue with diaper wetting, although it may be because DD was potty trained before 2. It was about that age that we were busy convincing DD that we knew what we were talking about (we were a little too successful on that, which led to an interesting exchange when she was 4), so in this situation, I'd probably tell her she's not wet... and then when she insists I'm wrong, I'd undress her, hand her the clothes, and say, "Show me the wet spots." Repeat this drill several times, and she should come to trust your word on this.

+1 to all of what Dude said!

with DD, we basically said, "ok, you manage it" when she was about 18 months old. the rules continue to this day: it has to be weather and occasion-appropriate and there are no complaints allowed if something is still in the wash - Dad gets through the laundry mountain when he gets through it and for that we are eternally grateful!

My daughter is 11 and OMG we have went through it with her. I had her tested young and she came to only have a 118 IQ even though I knew it was much higher. She would daze and ignore anything that wasn't exciting to her. We had her in a top private school and she started zoning out. We had her psychologically tested as the school was stating she had ADD. Well she didn't. She is very creative and gifted in arts and language. I started reading about gifted kids and overexcitabilities and my daughter so has the imaginational and emotional ones. It described her to a "t". She created a video game with graphics and everything at age 8 and posted to game site and overnight got over 1000 likes. As far as academics she is suffering. She is so smart but has decided she doesn't want to do the work. Positive reinforcement doesn't work with her. I have a 7 year old son who scored 130 IQ at 3 years old and he has conformed to school settings but has another set of overexcitabilities. I believe he has psychomotor, sensual, and intellectual. He watches mitosis and meiosis videos for fun. They did diagnose him with ADHD and autism when I don't really think he has that. Any advice would be great as I don't know how to keep my kids happy and academically enriched.

I have a 3 year old so the value of my advice might be limited. We had similar issues with clothes. It gets better, but is not worth the battle. My guess based on what we saw here was asynchronous development... So I'd say you probably have a child under 2 who is testing boundaries and your reactions like a 2 or 3 year old. If it is inconsistent, the statements about a shirt hurting are likely more related to her knowing you will take it off if shesays it hurts than SPD... Unless she looks like she is actually in pain. These are really normal phases developmentally, but typically kids go through them a bit older.

You described DD2 to a T.

I am pretty strong-willed, but she is beyond strong-willed.

This is one of those that I let it slide.

DD does lie about clothes being wet so that she can change clothes.

Thanks! The idea of this being simply asynchronous development does make a lot of sense. I hadn't thought about it in that way before.