Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Help me with email to teacher, please!

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First of all, your teacher gave you a gift card? I would be flabbergasted if a teacher did that. Ok, just had to get that out of the way.

One thing you could ask about is reducing the written load if he demonstrates he knows the concepts. So let's say there are 20 math problems on a worksheet. Maybe he could just do the even ones? And only do the odd if he has problems with the evens?
Just a thought.

Asking for extended time on work is a good idea, or not being penalized if he turns something in late.

For your last paragraph you could say something like "I noticed that some of his grades on his current report card are quite a bit lower than last year, and I am concerned about why this is. Do you have any insights?"

What grade is he in again? I'm thinking second? I'm just wondering if it's possible that he WAS inattentive last year but the teacher blew it off, because most first graders are kind of off task and wandering around? I think with ADHD, it tends to show up in around second grade because that's when the "normal" kids settle down. So the kids with ADHD tend to stand out. NOT saying he has ADHD, just wondering if his behavior is really worse or if the other kids are maybe more improved than he is?


DD's teacher never had anything all that negative to say about her in first grade even when she wasn't medicated, because no one really expects first graders to be on task. Same thing happened with the kindergarten teacher. She was off-task but so were half of the other kids.

Irena my DS9 has a diagnosis of combined type ADHD and he's not medicated, and I notice a huge difference from year to year depending on the teacher and the classroom dynamic. Imho you are probably absolutely correct when you say your son did not suddenly get worse. It's likely the class/teacher change that is the culprit. Also keep in mind that some teachers are harder markers than others... that could be what's going on as well.

Irena, do I recall right that you were declining to have your DS evaluated for ADHD? I would look into it, in your shoes. If teachers complain about ADHD, they're not always right-- but there is usually *something* going on that can be improved.


I would share only the strategies I would think have a good chance of being effective. But honestly, I would rather call a meeting at school and work out a plan as a team than be feeding the teachers strategies individually.

My strategy would be to contact teacher and principal in a single email and request a meeting with all relevant staff to discuss the teacher's findings. Does your DS already have an IEP or 504? If so, it can be a meeting to amend/refine the existing plan. If not, it can be an RTI meeting.


I would not volunteer this, either. Mainly because I want school to solve problems at school. My DS would feel punished if tons of work came home.


Definitely don't imply that there is busywork. Teachers tend to feel that everything they assign is important.


If there is scribe or aide mandated in the IEP, and they're not providing one, that's a problem to discuss at a team meeting, not in an email with a different teacher, IMO.


What grade are we talking about? Grades have almost no importance in elementary, except as a signaling device. Your teacher is saying there's a problem. Don't worry about fixing the grades, worry about solving the problem.

At least, that's how I'd think about it. Good luck.

A few thoughts:

Attention expectations in 2nd are a lot higher than 1st. Some of the difference in the teacher comments are likely in comparison to expectations.
Second, when a teacher is asking for strategies, she's not asking you to go google for attention strategies, but asking for what you do at home to accommodate. Do you set a timer? Do you give a check list? The teacher has seen dozens of lists of strategies. If you don't use any of the strategies, but have to guess what might work in the classroom, I suspect that's not what she's going for.
If you think his actual behavior is different this year (as opposed to the expectations higher and he hasn't risen to them), I would suggest instead that you say, "we don't really have any issues with attention at home and in looking at typical lists of what techniques are used to address issues, it looks like we don't really use much that I see there. I'm wondering if instead you could talk to Mrs 1st grade teacher to brainstorm strategies? This is the first year we're hearing comments about attention. I'm wondering what Mrs 1st grade teacher might have employed?"

No, I did not decline. The school actually did an eval last year this time. He came up as "at risk" for attention by teacher on the BASQ. Otherwise nothing was really accomplished or discovered. I am n the process of getting an eval for him at ADHD center privately but it takes a while to get the eval. But, we are pursuing an eval for this - it's just still in the works and will be for awhile.


You're right - this sounds like what I should do, actually. Yes he already has an iep.

That was my first though too... But then waivered. Okay, good advice thanks!

Oh, I see. Yeah, that's part of the problem we don't really have those problems at home. He made a checklist for himself so he wouldn't forget anything in morning. He doesn't voluntarily do his homework usually but once I tell him to he does ... not sure if that is normal. He stays on task for his work at home. He seems okay in chess club and mathnasium - I have talked with both instructors and have observed him. I do have to prompt him/remind a little, like I'll ask "Did you do ...." run down the morning/evening routine list. Usually he's done all of it. I don't know. He's my oldest so not sure how normal that is... But he does his routines pretty well I think. However, he doesn't really have any routine chores. I ask him to clean up his mess and he does... He is in charge of clearing his place from the table and he almost always does it. And tidying up after bath (hang his towel, etc) and he does. He does his homework without me standing over him but it's not a lot so ...

Good suggestion... Thank you!

Yes, this has been my suspicion. I also strongly suspect she has a class that is lower academically than last year's class so she goes SLOWER. I think because she needs to go slow and be repetitive she loses DS to dreamworld. I have seen myself. Last year DS has several really bright classmates... Three of them including himself are in the gifted program this year. DS commented this class is not on the same level. I SERIOUSLY believe this is a big factor, adhd or no... But I don't have hard evidence obviously and I just can't say something like that...

You're absolutely right. According to DS the teacher scribes for him and she can't do that and teach so DS is left...

Ugh. So here we go again. The idea of meeting with these people and the principal makes my stomach turn. (I know that's bad) They say they want strategies and such but the meetings usually end up with them resisting my suggestions, ykim? I know I shouldn't pre-judge but after last year... Ugh. I seriously find myself realizing this is a good idea - i.e., calling a meeting to brainstorm, maybe even an iep mtg... but when I actually think about doing it my stomach goes in knots and I get seriously phobic about the Pandora's box I may unleash. I fear they are not REALLY gonna want to hear me suggest more work for them and more scribing/writing accommodation support. If they wanted real solutions they would have brainstormed with me at the p/t conference. They were more like "he doesn't pay any attention, what are you gonna do about it as it will eventually affect his grades." Instead of "what can we do at school to help with this." When I inquired about 'engagement' and such I was shut down.

As I think about it, part of me feels like since DS is happy and the only ones seemingly unhappy are the teachers I should just leave well enough alone... Continue on with getting the private adhd eval in the meantime and see what happens next year. He is still super high in math and reading ... The other stuff, apart from writing I suppose, are not real grades anyway.

And so what if we get an adhd dx , what then? Do they start doing more to help? Or do they just blame everything on adhd and throw up their hands until we experiment with meds?

Ugh. Sorry, just thinking out loud as the realization of having to meet with these people again to solve "a problem" sinks in...

Thanks everyone for letting me vent here, thanks for listening to my rantings and thank you for your helpful insights and advice. I will definitely not send the email. If I do anything, I will do what y'all suggest - call a meeting, use the language you proposed, etc... I am just working up the internal fortitude. And cringing at the prospect. On the bright side, I do still have the lawyer on retainer so at least that part is done and ready to go should I need it. SIGH. Why can't we have one peaceful year... it's always something!

I hear you about dreading a meeting! Our meetings have morphed into a ridiculous procedure that is impossible to schedule with 10 or 12 people there, and I can't figure out who is on our side and who isn't. Very uncomfortable to say the least.

If it really is ADHD, then he has a disability that they need to accommodate. The psych who assessed DD had a list of things that we can write into a 504 plan. So you would have more leverage to make them do what you want, but if they would do those things anyway, there is really no need to bother.

Just as one example--DD's teacher regularly keeps her in from recess to finish work. She knows about the ADHD, she read the psych report, but there is no official 504 (yet) to tell her that doing this is inappropriate. With the dx in his records, you wouldn't have to argue with every single teacher each year, it would be right there on paper. That's of course assuming he has ADHD, which he may not. But the psych who assessed DD said we could write a 504 for slow processing speed as well (not so sure how that would work as "slow processing" isn't a disability as far as I'm aware). I would just keep pushing for an eval and you might get something that can be written into the IEP to help your case. If not ADHD, maybe you can get other recommendations for appropriate learning environment.

I might be off base here so feel free to ignore this, but could it just be the lack of/inconsistent use of accommodations?

I always thought of ADHD being the fall back when other things were ruled out. I copied this from the DSM V

However, ADHD symptoms must not occur exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder and must not be better explained by another mental disorder, such as a depressive or bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, personality disorder, or substance intoxication or withdrawal.

If he has accomodations for EDS and anxiety and they are not being followed, I would not keep looking for more explanations.

It sounds like his teacher is the one with the "attention problem". She isn't following directions or doing her work.

Grrrrr....from a fellow EDSer.

I'd certainly start with getting full compliance with the IEP, and then re-evaluating the school situation.

However, ADHD is comorbid with so many other things that I'd also want to know if it's present or absent. It often happens that even if parents don't think there is an issue at home, the child's needs have effectively trained the parents to modify the home environment so that "normal" at home is already structured to ameloriate attention or compliance issues. For this reason, when in doubt, I'm in favor of investigating.

There are now computer-based assessments of attention-- it's no longer just someone making an educated guess.

Quick response - has he tried the Nuun tablets instead of Gatorade/Powerade? They help me with the EDS fatigue more.

No! No one has ever mentioned them to me! Off to google!

Do send the Thank-you part of the email.

MON, what a great post! Thank you! It really feels very supportive. I think I am going to use it as an outline for the meeting!