Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Acceleration/ being older

I agree with others that this depends on the kid. FWIW, I was always the youngest in my grade, and I finished all my high school classes at age 16 and started at our local university at age just-turned 17. Granted, I was still technically a high school student, but I was in college full-time through PSEO. One of the highlights was a spring trip with the University French Club to Paris, a high school graduation present from my parents. The drinking age was lower there... I never had any issues with being younger. Most of my friends throughout high school were older than me and in higher grades anyway.

To counter this we are planning to do some international travel for 2 years or so when our oldest gets to an age of completing his school leaving. Although he is only *almost* 7 now, he has chosen to do the Cambridge (UK) school leaving certification for various reasons.

If we use this as the standard for our family (most likely of all scenarios) it means the younger two boys can write exams in over 160 countries as we travel.

But my main point is that the gap year (or 2) really appeals to us - especially because I feel so overwhelmed at the thought of my younger teenager being in a Uni situation.

Having said that I need to agree with many of the replies in this thread and say try not to worry about so far down the line. Things really do have a way of working themselves out as long as you keep your eye on your child in the here and now; ensure she gets what she needs now - focus on one year at a time (with planning for one year ahead that is flexible and ready to change as and when needs be).

And remember that no single decision in terms of schooling is forever - you can always change it up and mix it up as you need to! It's not a forever answer.

I think that the risks of not accelerating and becoming alienated from the 'schooling process' also need to be considered. There is a lot of drug taking among the nerdy slackers too - it isn't just about the 'Cheerleaders' and the 'jocks' when it comes to drinking, drugs and sexual experimentation, at all.

I, personally, wouldn't even consider 16.5 that young.. I was barely 17 when I graduated, and never skipped. I wasn't the youngest in my grade, either. I had one friend who had skipped (like 1st grade maybe?) and was barely 16 when she graduated.

I think it definitely does depend on the child, but I've seen some definite drawbacks to graduating at a younger age. We had one graduate at 16 and one at 17 (the 17-year old then graduated college early at 20). Both felt that there were some practical drawbacks in terms of little things - work meetings at bars (maybe she was just unlucky, but this seems to happen a lot), leasing an apartment, even being able to pay into her work retirement system - that turned into a convoluted mess where she was required to participate, but also required to be 21. And yes, it seems like it would be simple to fix, but it's been a hassle!
OTOH, would I do anything differently? I don't know... certainly neither child was pressed to her intellectual capacity (one is PG, the other is untested, but certainly very gifted). They've always gotten on better with older kids, at least until college age, but honestly, there ARE some issues. I always hear parents on this board saying that their 8 year olds hang with 12-year olds, or their 14-year olds hang with 18-year olds, but I don't think that's ideal and I can't imagine it always works (it didn't work all the time for us). With my two younger kids, I've tried to keep them with their same-age peers, but worked much harder to find other outlets for their intelligence, creativity, etc... They're both in relatively demanding gifted programs, and they also have a lot of outside stuff going on. So, maybe school isn't always super challenging, but they find other ways to stretch themselves.
I'm not at ALL criticizing kids who skip (obviously, since mine did) but I think sometimes it should be acknowledged that neither option is ideal. Most of us don't have the option of having peers who are the same age, same intellectual capacity, etc... so we make do with the best solution, but it's rare that either holding back or advancing is ideal.
As your daughter advances, I'm sure it will become more obvious what is the right-even if not perfect-solution for her. Just keep in mind that the most frustrating part of schooling for gifted kids, IMHO, is usually grade school. With all of my kids, the older they got, the easier it was to find the appropriate education (maybe once the teachers got past the "it will all level out by third grade" nonsense :))

College kids still have access to alcohol before they're 21 through their friends. A lot more drinking happens at parties than at the pub. It's the combination of underage access and the lack of supervision (because at the pub, the staff can cut off your access) that leads to the kinds of situations you read about later in the news.

So I wouldn't worry so much about your DD being excluded. I'd focus the worries on how well she can handle the situations that can arise from participating.

I can say that when I was in the military, nearly all my friends were 3-5 years older, and it was a bummer when they went downtown to the clubs and I had to stay behind, but overall, it wasn't a big deal.

I haven't been posting in a bit (or on this board in some time), but I'll chime in briefly because the situation you describe is very close to my dd15's situation. Her bd made our fall K cut off by two weeks and it is very, very common where I live to hold kids whose bds are in the summer and fall out an extra year. She was the youngest in her grade by a good bit before skipping as a result. I'd say that, on average, 1/4 of her class was 10-18 months older than she before she skipped.

She skipped the last year of elementary (5th) grade and is now 12-30 months younger than her grade peers. She is also now an 11th grader so we're getting close to the end of this K-12 journey. It was absolutely the right decision for her. A good majority of the people who she considers close friends graduated high school last year and are now college freshmen (18-19 years old and 3-4 years older than she).

Socially it worked; academically it worked better than the alternative. The only time I can recall her being in a spot where her age was an issue was last summer. She was 14 and out with her friends who had just graduated high school. They were all 18 and they were going out to a movie. The movie was R rated although something I was fine with her seeing. The person who was taking the tickets was in one of her classes at school and knew that she wasn't 18 and refused to let her in. Her friends all exchanged tickets too, though, and they all went to see something like World War Z (definitely not their first choice) so she wouldn't be left out.

She is pretty centered, though, and not one who is prone to caving to peer pressure or hanging out with kids who would pressure her to drink, for instance. Her friends are all pretty good kids who get together and go to poetry slams or take bike rides or go to swing dancing classes at a yoga studio at night, for instance.