Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy To Grade Skip or Not?

I am debating on grade-skipping TWO of my kids and would love opinions.

DD1 is moderately gifted but was red-shirted because she was not emotionally ready. She was overwhelmed, miserable and crying the first week so we pulled her out of K. She stared K the next year and turned 6 after being there a week. She can "technically" BE in the next grade (because of her age), but WE made the choice to redshirt her. Now I am regretting it. She doesn't ever rock the boat or cause issues and so she is not creating a problem because she is bored, although she expresses that she is bored in school. While I feel that she could handle a grade skip, if she wasn't already the same age as the level-up, I wouldn't say she necessarily *needs* a grade skip. She's also highly organized and a go-getter (unlike my other kids).

DD2 is only ONE grade level below DD1 and is PG. She definitely *needs* a grade skip and she IS the kid that will rock the boat, cause trouble, make waves and set the class on fire until someone notices that her needs aren't being met. While there is no question in my mind that a grade skip will be good for HER, I feel like if her sister is not grade-skipped, then she should not join her in the same grade. I know each individual kid has individual needs, but I feel like it could harm my older one psychologically to have her sister in her grade. I feel that if DD2 needs the grade skip, DD1 has to do it too.

Is it reasonable for me to advocate for them to both grade-skip? Am I being unrealistic or unfair to either or both kids? How do I convince the school? One at a time? Do schools typically grade skip moderately gifted kids?

You need data to make a decision. Look at the Iowa Acceleration Scale--a sibling in the next grade up is def. a factor in the decision.

I think it would not be right to grade skip the older one because it does not sound like she would thrive with the grade skip. I don't mean to be harsh- but I think that the older child already knows that the younger is the smarter of the two. The question is, will the older do well in spite of not being as gifted? I think that if the older is not grade skipped and gets excellent grades, she will have positive self-esteem. I think that doing everything you can to ensure that the older achieves the same level of success at their ability level is more important than trying to get the older to achieve success on the same playing field as the youngest.

BTW- this happened in my class growing up. The oldest child was more gifted than the youngest. I think they decided to grade skip the youngest based upon the achievements of the oldest. It did not work very well and the youngest was placed in either the average track or slightly above average track. If she had not been advanced by a year I think she would have been placed in the more advanced track at her grade level and been at the top of her class. My d is at the top of her class and quite proud of it- she gets a lot of satisfaction of seeing her work and intelligence pay off. Her peers look up to her. I think this could be true of your older daughter as well. Please consider that this is not just a family matter (sibling rivalry?) and that the older should be given every opportunity to excel with her peers.

I know she is young but I would ask your elder daughter about it. She may not feel as bad about it as you imagine. It can be a problem though. There is a kid in ds6 class who might have been held back if her brother wasn't slightly less than a year younger.

I think you do have to carefully consider how it will affect the daughter not being skipped, since they will be in the same grade. Have you thought about talking to a counselor?

We made the decision not to grade skip one of our twins because it would have had long term psychological consequences for his brother. It is just obvious to us that it would cause problems, given their dynamic. To me, the need to not harm one child outweighs the advantage for the other.

I second using the Iowa Acceleration scale. You will be able to look at a lot of objective factors when making your decision.

I wouldn't say that not rocking the boat is necessarily a sign of not needing a skip. My DS would happily coast through school with no challenge if he could. He is a teacher pleaser and doesn't like to stand out, so he would never make waves at school. He would complain at home about being bored before the grade skip. [Incidentally, he still complains about school, and now wishes that he wasn't in an accelerated program, because he misses being able to just read his own book and not pay attention in class. Since he is one of the top student's in his accelerated program, there's no chance he's going back, because we want him to be challenged now, rather than be shocked when challenged for the first time in college.] I'm not saying this is what is happening with your DD, but it's something to consider.

This situation is one of the very few straight-up bars to acceleration under the IAS. She could be a great candidate in every other way, and it would still say not to skip the younger daughter in a way that puts her in the same grade as the older one.

That said, doing the IAS for your older daughter and thinking about whether the grade skip is good for her is a reasonable thing to do. But try not to let the prospects for your younger daughter be a thumb on the scale in favor of moving them both.

As for your question about whether schools typically skip moderately gifted kids, probably not, because schools don't typically skip any kids! But the Iowa Acceleration Scale was created for moderately gifted kids, not the one profoundly gifted kid that it usually takes for the school to see that a skip is necessary. The good thing about the IAS is that you get a score for each of several factors (e.g., the higher the IQ, the higher the score in one factor). All the factors are then added up, and if your child falls within a particular range, a skip is recommended. There are also "good" skip candidates and "excellent" skip candidates. An MG kid may be more likely to fall in the good category, whereas a PG kid may be more likely to be an excellent candidate, but I'm just generalizing.

I believe there is now an asterisk after that bar to having siblings in the same grade. There are some successful situations where a younger skipped into the same grade as an older sibling.

I'm just curious - have you asked your older dd if she's ever thought about whether or not she might like to skip a grade? You also didn't mention your dd's ages, but I' wondering what their relationship is like when it comes to school and being smart and all that - is there any kind of familial sister acknowledgement that your younger dd is PG or "the smarter" sib or anything like that? Please know, I'm not *encouraging* it, just curious if you see anything like that happening.

I have no idea if you'll be able to successfully advocate for both to skip in your district/school - before you go too far into wondering what to do, you might want to simply check into how possible it is to skip even one PG child. If it looks like you could skip both, I'd consider asking your older dd how she feels about it. We are not in exactly the same situation, but the kids in our family have varying levels of gifted abilities. Each of the kids is very aware of who the EG kiddo, not just in how smart he is at home but in how smart he is at school. A long time ago I worried what would we do if we sent him to a gifted magnet that his sibs couldn't qualify to get into - at the time I saw that as a reason to *not* send him there. In hindsight, I can see that it would have been a-ok - his sibs would have been much more comfy saying he was at that school because he's smart than I was comfortable thinking it would somehow make them feel less smart - they still feel smart and confident in their own personal abilities. Soooo.. that's my long-winded way of explaining, if we were in your family's place (but with kids with my kids' personalities), it would work out ok to skip the younger up into the other child's grade. For other kids, it might be devastatingly difficult. You've got to go with what your own gut feeling is re your children, and if you think they are old enough to have a voice, ask them.

Another option you might consider (if it's a doable option) - have you thought of sending them to different schools? Give them each their own place to shine, and take some of the spotlight off of who's in what grade.

Best wishes,

polarbear