Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hello! (intro post)

Hello all,

This is my first post here, although I have been lurking for a while. I have learned so much here, and I feel like I already know some of you. :-)

I have one son who is 5 and in kindergarten. We knew early on that he was gifted. He was also premature, so we have a double-whammy of sensory integration issues.

I had DS tested by a gifted specialist before school started when he was still four (summer birthday). He scored in the Very Superior range (I would estimate him a Level 4 according to Ruf's levels) and the gifted specialist also commented that DS was one of the most "cognitively aware" children that she had seen in a long time. I took his test scores and a portfolio to the principal last summer. There was a lot of head nodding and agreement at that meeting, but not a whole lot of action has come out of it.

He could have skipped kindergarten academically, but he did NOT do well on the assessment with the school counselor (who had no prior experience with assessments and no prior experience with gifted children). Anyway, since he needed some time to develop confidence in himself, and since kindy is more hands-on, I felt that would be easier for him to take than sitting at a desk all day in first grade. As it turns out, I think that was partially the right decision.

He has a teacher who is very fast-paced. They do very little paperwork, thank goodness, since daily coloring and tracing would probably be unbearable for him. She lets him go to the library (usually) every day to exchange his Reading Counts book, and he is grouped with the two other "readers" in the class. He receives no specialized instruction, but he has been able to advance his reading skills independently in the past five months. I think it's amazing how he figured out the phonics stuff on his own, and can now breeze through words like "Delectable Diarrheah" (in his gross science recipe book, LOL).

However, I noticed around the holidays that he is actually going backwards in math. Before school started, he was doing single digit addition and subtraction, charts & graphs, and counting by 2's, 5's, and 10's, and telling time. He lost skills in ALL of those things and more. I have started working with him for 15 minutes at night (I work full time and that's all I can squeeze in before his bedtime stories). Now he's doing word problems that add & subtract columns of numbers (no carrying yet), and understands fractions and multiplication/division concepts. For most things, if I can explain it, he can understand and retain it. The second time we visit a task, he has mastered it.

His teacher has vowed to step up the academics this semester by giving weekly spelling words. She is very independent. While the principal agreed to have a specialist pull DS out regularly for help, the teacher maintains that she can challenge him herself. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I have been very careful to kindle a relationship with her this year. I admit she does include higher level thinking skills in her daily curriculum, but it's just not enough. If I insist on the extra help, I'm afraid she will interpret that as saying she's not adequate. She also seems to imply that DS is not as advanced as we think he is, while she doesn't seem to have a clear concept of his ability. She tests what she's supposed to test, and I don't believe she has looked at his ability above kindergarten level (except on reading assessments). He also replies with "I don't know" a lot when he actually DOES know. ;-)

So we're coping with kindergarten this year, but what happens next year in first grade? He's very shy, and won't ask for different work. He's a perfectionist, and frequently refuses to attempt a task if it won't be perfect. Handwriting is also an issue. The gifted program (if he even qualifies, since he does horrible on group administered tests), is only a one hour pull-out. We live in a very diverse area, and many of the resources are focused on ESL students. I almost feel too guilty to ask for help for my son. We have limited funds, so private school and tutoring are not good options.

I have followed along here and at SENG for a while, and have attended a state gifted conference for more insight. I read every book I can find (almost all of the books I have ever seen recommended here), but now I'm in a quandary as to the best approach. If anyone has input or ideas for me, I would appreciate it! DS is becoming more and more unhappy as the school year progresses, and I just can't quite figure this out!

Thanks so much for reading this novella. LOL! I have wanted for a while to jump in at some other posts, but I felt that I should introduce myself first.

Christi

Hi Christi,

Thank you for the excellent introduction. I feel that I already know you too!

We discuss the situations of many advanced five and six year olds on this board. I�m glad you found us!

It�s a shocking and difficult time when you realize that your bright and happy child, whom you assumed would soar once they started school, is not well matched for the typical classroom.

When my daughter was in your son�s situation, I was constantly told that first grade really kicks in the academics. Until reading Dr. Rufs book, I felt that I was lied to. More recently, I am beginning to realize that my kids really are extremely different from the �norm�. In any case, what the school considered challenging for first grade and what my daughter considered challenging were not even close!

You mentioned that you place your son at a level 4 on the Ruf scale. That is unusually high! Most regular school gifted programs are not designed for level 4 children. If you cannot consider private school or tutor right now, you should definitely begin to educate the administration and teachers regarding the probable need for acceleration within the next two years. Maybe you could donate your books to the teacher�s resource library. One grade skip within the same school should hardly cause an academic ripple for the child. Really! The most prominent obstacle could be the attitudes of the school personnel and possibly other parents.

I really hope your school district is not one of the many that are opposed to grade advancement under any circumstances. If they are, you must determine whether this opposition is due to political or philosophical reasons. (The will never admit the political NCLB reason). If it based on philosophical reasons then they can learn of all the new studies that demonstrate that grade advancement it is often necessary and conversely, keeping highly gifted kids at grade level may be detrimental.

Diana

Christi,
Have you looked at religious private schools? They are much less expensive than other private schools.

Have you considered homeschooling, or homeschooling by proxy? The time commitment is much less than 6 hours per day!

What book that you read seemed the most "right on" to you?

Best Wishes,
Trin

Thank you for the quick replies!

Trinity -- Ideally (and is this even possible?), I'd like to homeschool him part-time. If he could go to school for a few hours, then come home for some instruction, we'd have the best of both worlds. If we were to do just homeschooling, I'm afraid he'd go back to his old OCD and anti-social behaviors, which he exhibited when he didn't have enough daily interaction with kids...Something about being with other kids makes those problems dissolve and puts a confident bounce in his step.

Once we get over the financial shock of 1) my pregnancy bedrest & not working, 2) staying home from work with a sick baby for almost 2 years, and 3) paying for all the medical care and therapy, I hope to stay at home at least part time and then I can explore the homeschool option more. Perhaps I could take in a few toddlers during the daytime to help pay bills. Right now, we're just trying to get something back into savings. We are taking extreme measures right now, and have even moved in with my parents to reduce our bills. (So you can see why we are so motivated to get out of this financial situation, LOL!)

As for the religious private schools, I have a bitter taste. I went to Catholic schools during my childhood, and they were not good. Locally, the schools who could make any difference to DS are way out of our range. For now, my best hope is to make things work in public school without burning too many bridges.

Re: books. I shed quite a few tears and had several "AHA" moments over Jim Delisle's Parenting Gifted Kids: Tips for Raising Happy and Successful Children. I loved his chapter on OE's! I can't leave out Genius Denied and also Re-Forming Gifted Education, because those are my favorite resources.

Diana -- I know what you mean about the shock. My mother was a first grade teacher for 19 years, and started teaching fifth this year. She knows what DS will be exposed to next year in first grade (if that's where he goes), and she just can't see him there. Even a skip to second grade would only be a temporary solution. And he already has attention problems due to sensory issues.

I remember when he was about 15 months and we were at a noisy restaurant. He kept saying, "What's that...Louder? What's that...Louder?" We finally figured out he was hearing the ice machine in the kitchen on the opposite side of the restaurant (he called any noise "louder"). The restaurant was so loud that we could hardly hear each other talking across the table, but he was completely focused on this faint ice machine sound from the kitchen.

That sensitivity is what he deals with in the classroom, and I know it will continue to cause problems. He needs someone to just redirect him to the task at hand, but he won't get that in a classroom setting. So for now, it's a good thing for him to "learn" things at school that he has already learned at home...I think?

Thanks again!

Christi

This may seem like a strange question unless you've read our story, but does the school have walls?

Yes, the school has walls. It's a typical school with a kindy wing, first grade wing, up through fourth grade. They have about six classrooms per grade with 20ish students per class.

I'll have to look up your story tomorrow when I have some time. I'm guessing it either has to do with noise & distractions, or maybe flexibility with ability-grouped classes. Am I close? ;-)

Thanks!

Christi

My daughter is easily distracted and/or annoyed by auditory stimulus. ADHD has been ruled out by MDs and PhDs. The public school she attended, which we left 5 years ago, has no walls between the classrooms. The fact that she was extremely under-challenged combined with the noise and tendency to tune into other classes made for a crabby kid (with us, never the teacher) by the final bell.

Her teachers did not see a problem because she was a pleasant, compliant, A student.

Diana,

I definitely see what you mean about distractions. I'm afraid DS is distracted enough even with walls. I recently observed and assisted with his class for a day, and he had a hard time paying attention. I don't blame him, after seeing what he has to sit through while the other kids learn the alphabet.

In preschool, he learned to count to 100 by tens. I thanked the preschool teacher for covering that with him, and she looked surprised...She didn't cover it. He overheard a table of the school-age students across the room and picked it up himself.

This is a kid who, at barely four years old, overheard DH and me discussing an offer on our home from a prospective buyer. The offer was too low, and DS piped up from his backseat booster that the buyer should use a different mortgage company that had lower closing costs. Thereby giving them more money to offer us for the house. This is where my husband nearly drove off the road and whispered, "I wish he would say this stuff in front of other people so they wouldn't think we're making it all up".

So I'm afraid in DS's case, he will not appear to be a perfect student. At school he maintains a stoic expression, monotone voice, and he has dark circles under his eyes that make him look sick all the time. This is 100% different than his bubbly at-home charisma. I'm glad I get to see the happy version, but it's a shame that so few people get a real glimpse of him.

At the very least, our district appears to be okay with skipping a grade if he shows mastery at that level (how that is assessed remains to be seen), and if that happens, I think it might buy us a couple more years in public school.

Thanks,

Christi

Have you met my son? YOu are describing him very well! One reason that I took action for my daughter, is that I knew my son would not be a favored student-especially when under-challenged!

LOL - DS10 had that stoic expression in 2nd grade too. I actually was naive enough to practice with him in front of the mirror! Boy, was I missing the boat back then.....

Doing better now...
Trinity