Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy GT and confidence without testing

DD is only 3.3 so she hasn't been tested and I am not at all confident. She certainly has skills that are above developmental expectations when it comes to reading, math (that is her main area of strength/talent), puzzles, and such. She also makes me think scientists are born, not made; when she scraped her knee badly a month ago, she had to research into how her body is healing the wound.

I think she is an amazing child but doesn't every mother feel that way about her children?

The idea that she may be a PG tickles my funny bone. No, I really don't think she is one. I think it freaks people out to see her be able to read anything put in front of her and be interested in grand scientific concepts but how much of that is exposure? I was talking to another mother yesterday and she had never taken her child to a library, like ever. We go every other day and I get nervous if we have less than 30 unread books piled up in the apartment. SO and I read to her about an hour a day and she reads to herself for another hour. She spends at least an hour on mathy activities a day and if I don't put a cap on that, I think she'd go all day exploring numbers. So yes, I suppose she might test rather high on achievement tests during earlier years but I have no idea where her IQ would fall.

I though ds6 might just scrape in to MG. I am only just accepting (nearly a year after testing) that he is in fact fairly well in to the PG area.

One other thought: When ds6 was younger (1-3), we didn't know/ realize ds was different. We thought all kids knew/ did the things he could do. It caused some major problems with my sister-in-law. Not only was it then obvious that our kids were on 2 different plains, but made it seem (to her) that we were bragging and/or showing off.
Also, when ds3 came along, my dh thought he was behind- always (slow to talk, just recently mastered letters and numbers). Yet, he is a very different child and is VERY interested in how things work. We'll have to wait to see with him.

Yep, that sounds like my DS. ABCs early, reading early, adding and subtracting early. I didnt realize he was different until preschool when the other 4 year olds were just learning their ABCs. So maybe our kids arent PG like some on this site, but they still have special needs and extra challenges.

I don't find there's any need IRL to say that DS is GT, though I sometimes say things that relate. So being sure about it doesn't really seem to matter very much. But at this point, if he had an IQ test and it didn't show +3sd on at least some indices? I'd mistrust the test, honestly. What makes me that sure is what he can do. He also presents similarly to many children here with intensity etc. DH and I are similar so we half expected it, too.

Totally agree with Colinsmum on this one- no one in our area really cares much about testing or labels (unless you're talking about the school program, which is a different thing altogether). It's about what one can do. And our DD isn't subtle about showing it, so we have never really had much in the way of doubt.

The school pullout is different, parents want their kids in it, but to be honest, our kids have been so far beyond what I see the others doing that again we didn't have much in the way of doubts. (One of the GT teachers was just smitten with DS and loved working with him- she would get excited telling us what he was doing). I think as they get older the differences have been reinforced, so I guess that has made knowing clearer, if you know what I mean. (The limited standardized testing done through school, every darn teacher's initial reaction when working with DD, the academic competitions, the SCAT testing we did for enrichment programs, all helped confirm for us, but we really didn't have doubt).

Our DS is more subtle in how he "shows his stuff," but this is I believe due to his personality (and perhaps following in the footsteps of an accomplished sibling) and I don't have doubts about him, either. But again, it may be because I know what he can do- I don't mean to sound arrogant, but for us knowing specific numbers wouldn't change anything- we just don't need it in our case.

Our school saw no need to test my DD for a 3y acceleration. So yeah-- that would indicate to me that she's very, very obviously PG. It is still sometimes hard for me to wrap my head around that because I have an image in my head of "PG" which is probably more along the lines of "way, way out-there PG with a single area of focus, and likely ASD" and she is NOT that kid. She presents as hypernormal, and perfectly good at most things, or COMPLETELY average at them. (MarySue.) If you're paying attention, she's too normal; Stepford-ish. Even we only get tantalizing flashes of "otherness" but they are things that agemates can't-- developmentally-- do.

Anyway--the school won't accelerate ANY kid beyond what will test well on standardized annual testing. They certainly didn't seem to be worried that other parents would be beating down the door asking for the same luxury treatment.

(When they are still 99-ing out-of-level assessments year after year, then you know, I guess.)

Fwiw, I think that many of us posting here are not mental midgets so there is a danger that we can think our kids are 'normal' in terms of mental ability. It's only once they hit school that it becomes apparent In my experience.

Thanks for saying this. There are times I wonder what's wrong with me that I didn't recognize just how gifted he was sooner or even now, sometimes underestimate ds11. Part of the issue is asynchronicity, part of it is he doesn't fit the precocious stereotype one sees in the news, part of it is his gifts present differently than his brother's, and part of it is I suppose I don't know what's typical since my ds24 is gifted and ds11's friends are all gifted.

Maybe I worded things wrong previously, as a number wouldn't make any difference for us other than knowing how to advocate appropriately, where she stands and whether I should seek out other options academically. She is not testing 99% on the normal school assessments, all but 3 areas came back in the 90+%. I personally would like more confidence as I feel when advocating for her, right now I'm kind of going in blind, if that makes sense. The under performance throws me off a lot and lowers my confidence in the whole thing.

I'm more so wondering if it is very clear for all kids. As they get older I see how it would be but when school age and below I'm not sure. Most of what DD was doing prior to school I assumed to be typical of her age and I guess when you look at a child individually and not in comparison it was typical-for her.

A PP mentioned Five Levels of Gifted so I looked into it and found an article written by Dr. Ruf on the levels. I don't recall everything DD was doing at certain ages but have a good idea. I know from the levels in the article she is at minimum level 2 and DS1 exhibits all characteristics of level 3 so far. That helped me feel as though I am on the right path.



I'm fairly certain this is what has happened. We never blinked an eye at DD's abilities as a toddler or the fact that she read us a book for the first time at 5 (prior to school). We knew we didn't teach her but I just figured it's what kids do. You read, sing and interact with them and they pick things up as they get older. It wasn't until she went to K and I found out most children don't know how to read, all their ABC's, basic math, etc. With DS1 I'm more aware his abilities are not typical but as an infant I thought he was just really high needs and demanding. I've been researching GT for about 9m and it's all fairly new.

I will say that out of all friends and families children we have encountered since becoming parents this forum is the first time that I feel DD is "normal" and not "something is wrong" feeling. She can identify with many of what I read here.