Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Gifted program is stressful

So DD's new gifted pullout program is awesome! I love it. And at the end of the day, DD loves it too. She's buzzing by the time she gets home. But she HATES the beginning of the day, where she's forced to think for herself and she loathes not knowing everything already. I think it's good for her to learn how to learn and not coast, and her normal school is all but pointless, but I do have to bribe, trick, force, nag, manipulate her to go. We were an hour late this morning as she spent most of it hiding under the bed with a 'tummy ache'
I'm sure it's usually a shock for the young and gifted to suddenly not be the smartest in the room any more - how long will it take until she's happy to go?! Do I keep forcing her? Tell me your success stories.
Gifted teacher today said she's noticed the newbies struggling and is going to change the structure of the day a bit from next term (2 more weeks) to work more closely with them, but I don't know if I can convince DD to even do another term.
She's only 6 so perhaps no big deal if we try again in a year or two (although she's definitely coasting already! Don't those bad habits form fast!) but I worry that if we stop now, she'll have won! and we'll never go back.
I hate to force a 6yo to do anything, but I'm also the parent here, so I'll be making the educational decisions (I think?)
Help!

Mmm, I remember getting close to the end of DDs first term after her grade skip and how excited I was when she said she couldn't wait for the holidays, that she was tired because school was hard now. That was the goal. Given it took her 8 weeks or so to complain it obviously wasn't THAT hard but never the less she was truly tired out. For her that was the only term she said that, by the end of the next term she was well and truly adjusted and rocketing along. So my thought would be to push through, but encourage the teacher's idea of supporting the new kids a bit more.

Yup, you are the parent. It sounds like normal growing pains and IMO absolutely worth pushing through. Bad habits do form fast.

ITA. Not being the smartest kid in the room is the best start in life you can give her. Look at all those studies saying success in life is linked to persistence. You can either teach her persistence in this class or write her off in a normal class.

You're doing the right thing. Consider it a vaccination to prevent perfectionism. It may not be 100% effective, but it is way better than not having that protection.



There's no substitute for authentic self-image that is resilient and based on reality.

But she said I was meeeean and if there's one thing I know about DD, she's always right.
Sigh. But I guess I know what to do. I just needed a pep talk

I think usually if a kid calls mom mean you are on the right track.

Seriously though, I think there could be some big unintended consequences to allowing her to quit. She might think she really isn't smart enough to hack it. That is a message that could be very damaging.

My fourth grader just transferred this year from a regular school to a self-contained classroom program for highly gifted in a different school and district. It's REALLY stressful, although she's more than capable of handling the level of work in the class. It's a huge change to go from having everything be easy to having to put in some effort, and not necessarily being the smartest kid in the room all the time. And she's old enough to tell us that she doesn't like it, and why! Hopefully, it's not too late for her to readjust. I don't know how helpful this is to you, except to say that we're going through the same thing, and I think it's better to experience it at 6 than at 9.

Yup. And better at 9 than at 18.

Oh please? Hang in there and encourage you DD to do the same?
One of the, if not THE biggest down fall of gifted students is not being challenged, not needing to really WORK at much, then when they finally ARE challenged, it's like an axe between the eyes. It WILL happen eventually, better to be challenged early than go though and not be so until college when there is less support system around them and they're going through life style changes as well. This is why I cringe whenever I hear a school system that doesn't start gifted education until 3rd-6th grade, by then plenty of damage is already done.

A couple of things that helped our DS though the stage you're referring to:
1. Help them to understand that there is room in the world and even in their class for more than one "smart" person.
2. Help you child to understand that we each have our blessings and challenges.
3. Help you child to realize that the things they're most proud of they had to work at and often struggle through. (give plenty of examples they can relate to)
4. Always praise effort rather than results.
5. Praise attempts at something new / unknown.