Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional school switch decision for ADHD/dysgr. DS-help!

DS12, ADHD and dysgraphic, is off to a disastrous start in 7th grade in his small private school. The teachers have disappointed me with their inflexibility regarding DS's struggles. I met with them last spring and provided his testing and accommodations, but they have not followed through with any of them this year despite prompting from me. He is required to handwrite almost everything, spelling is counted off on every assignment, points counted off for not doing the paper heading exactly right, etc. etc. The teachers are unwilling to scaffold his lack of organization in the least, taking the position that he needs to "learn to do it himself" this year. DS is also required to participate in after school athletics all year which cuts into homework time.

DS has pulled in very low grades so far and no end seems to be in sight. He is not putting forth his best effort (I am not sure he will ever like school enough to do so) but part of his low grade problems are due to lack of any support by the teachers. Even more worrisome, no one but me and his algebra teacher seem at all concerned. Even she insisted that he has to recopy a whole math worksheet (problems AND answers) before school because he did it in pen instead of pencil in order to get a 70 on it instead of a 0. Sigh

We have two options: Option 1 is a small religious school that has a specific program within a program for kids with learning disabilities. Pros: This program has daily support and access to technology to help kids like him but keeps him in the same academics with other students. They also appear to have some interesting tech classes later on like robotics that DS will probably like. He might be able to switch RIGHT NOW. Cons: Their overall academics are okay but not excellent. Their college matriculation list is very uninspiring. They also require 4 years of Bible for graduation which is a LOT.

Option 2 is a larger private with excellent academics and lots of emphasis on creative problem solving in the middle school. Pros: This is an outstanding school and the big picture, creative classes would really suit DS' thinking style. Their headmaster is a Ph.D. mathematician and DS is a mathy kid. Cons: They have no spots currently. They have no special programs for 2e kids so I have no idea if they will follow his accommodations either. Some of the parents of graduates have confided concerns about senior burn out from the rigor of the AP-class dominated upper school.

Do we yank DS out and try Option 1? Do we try to hang in and try for Option 2 next year? DS is a perennial school underachiever so I am afraid to put him in a more rigorous school with no support. I also don't want to limit his future by allowing him to continue to underachieve by putting him in a second tier school. His cognitive abilities are quite high (PRI 141 and VCI 121) but he is very immature, both physically and mentally, and a professional-level procrastinator. Will he bloom at a harder but more suitable school? Will he fail 7th grade at his current school if I don't pull him now? Will I limit his ability to achieve his potential by putting him in a mediocre school or allow him to achieve more because of the extra support? Thoughts?

I would go with the best option for right now and worry about the high school years later.

I vote for option one.

Is there a public option? As you probably know, no private is required to follow accommodations. At least in public you have some legal recourse. My experience with private was very poor with my 2e kid (at a gifted school no less). Sorry you are at this crossroads.

Is homeschooling a possibility?
Does he have friends where he is now? (Does he make friends easily in general?)
Is it possible that eventually he or his teachers will start behaving better than past performance would predict?
Is his medication optimal?
Can you get this year's money back or are you committed to the whole hog?
What is the perspective of other significant adults in the family?
One 'tough' year isn't the worst thing, but how was last year?

This is a tough spot to be in - that's for sure! Keep us posted, please.
Best Wishes
Grinity

We are not in the district of the "good enough" middle school here, HappilyMom. Our home middle school has a weapon and drug problem so it's a no go.

I would LOVE to home school him (and DD) but I am actually in elected office (in a job I love)so "taking a break" or cutting back are not options. There's also the insurance . . .

One of his struggles is lack of friends. He never gets invited anywhere and no one is ever free to come over when he invites them. He is a big-hearted kid with a GREAT sense of humor but shy, sensitive and lacking in confidence. He is also a poor athlete, small, skinny, slow, sound-sensitive and still mistaken for a 5th grader regularly. None of this helps socially at all.

The teachers care but they are surprisingly inflexible. I think they just don't get that their one-size-fits-all approach for study skills and learning personal responsibility just doesn't work for him. I might be able to educate them given enough time and effort. Maybe.

I think his meds are okay. We just visited the doctor in July to do a med check. I believe the school would let us go for switching to meet his academic needs.

The other family members are just baffled. No one has any serious insight to offer so far. DS had a tough year last year too both socially and academically but his excellent teachers worked with him intensively and he made great progress, especially in writing.

I make lots of tough decisions every day in my job but this is so much harder.

Was he in the same school last year or a different school? If he was at the same school I might try to work with the teachers he has by bringing last year's teachers into the discussion. OTOH, if he's new to this school, I wouldn't bank on making any effective changes in time to help your ds - I'd be looking for a different school.

How large is his current school? Is there only one teacher/class per subject? Do you feel like the emphasis on handwriting etc is a school philosophy or that he somehow just happened to get stuck with traditional-thinking teachers?

I think there is a bigger concern here than simply not being given accommodations for handwriting now because of the frustration for your ds and because he's not being able to fully show his knowledge due to lack of accommodations - my larger concern is that he's also losing valuable time where he could be learning and developing skills related to using those accommodations and therefore he's losing ground for future school years.

I don't know what your "best" option is - there are so many things to consider. I do think if I were in your shoes one thing I absolutely would be doing now is research and networking to try to find out what the environment would really be like in option #2 school if your ds were ever able to get a spot there. If you find out that they are good at working with accommodations and they incorporate technology in their regular classrooms, and it's a school that you like in general, I'd apply for admission even if it's unlikely he'll get in this year.

I am also in agreement with the poster above who suggested not worrying about high school yet, just focus on what to do this year.

I hope things work out - keep us posted!

polarbear

I'm so sorry your DS (and you) are having this problem.

From your post, though, and maybe reading inaccurately between the lines just a little, it sounds like maybe the best option would be to move immediately to #1 and get on the waitlist for #2, hopefully for next year, if you can do that. Our DD had a bad year in 3rd grade with a very unsupportive teacher (at a private school) and we still all talk about how bad it was and how maybe we (the parents) should have been pushier rather than trying to be polite and believe the teacher's lukewarm reassurances. That doesn't matter to you, of course, but if you are bothered and your kid is bothered you should move.

I am sure you are very good at making decisions at work but maybe it's harder when it's your own family/ kid?? My Dad had taught me a long time ago to make a list of pros and cons for each decision (moving vs. not, moving to #1 or #2) that maybe would help you think through it more thoroughly.

Whatever you decide, best of luck! I really hope you find a better situation.

As the parent of a kid who is still suffering the consequences of a school experience similar to what you are describing I would absolutely pull him. The sooner the better. "Taking the position that he needs to 'learn to do it himself' this year" is a HUGE red flag that they do not get and do not intend to honor his needs for differentiation. I would not expect it to get better.

Try not to over think the "mediocre" status of the more supportive school. Rigorous academics are not going to help if his LD issues prevent him from accessing the curriculum. It sounds to me like he needs to be set up for success wherever that may be. A non-supportive or overly challenging environment probably won't be the best in that regard.

I agree with Dbat about the immediate transfer to #1 while you get on a waiting list for #2. If he is comfortable and successful at #1 you don't have to transfer him. The bible study thing would be a major problem for me personally but if it suits your family I am guessing you could live with the 4 year requirement if everything else was working for him. And please don't underestimate the importance of a school that *gets* LD. The program within a program with access to technology sounds really awesome. I would go for that without a second thought.

Good luck and please don't be so hard on yourself. You have identified 3 possible school alternatives to address the problem of an unsafe public option. As I have said on these boards all of this stuff has a HUGE learning curve. You are more than half way there and are doing the right thing by asking for input from other voices of experience. I'm sure you do that at work too - seek input and examine data - this just feels different. You really are doing great even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

{hugs} Hang in there!

it is possible to excel at a less rigorous skill and do poorly at a rigorous. Your son is not going to be ok if he he is miserable though and average academics and finishing school area lot better than miserable and not finishing school at all.

Is there a Harmony charter near you (just looked at your username). My kids go to the one in Euless and the staff and administration has been so much than I would have thought. Far better than at the HEB school, even though it was supposedly one of the best elementary schools in North Texas. The Harmony schools go to 12th grade.

This is so true. When you have a 2e kid, you almost invariably have to focus on the less desirable "e" first.

In answer to PB, DS has been at his current school since K but both of DS' fantastic advocate teachers from 6th left last year. Thus, we have no institutional memory of his accommodations this year. The school does indeed have only one teacher per subject in 7th grade so no other choices are available.

So, we toured Option 1 today and were SO impressed. When the admissions person mentioned "dysgraphia" as one of the LDs they support in their support program, DH shot me a look of wonder. Later on he whispered "That's the first person, besides you, who has ever used the word dysgraphia at school!"

We talked to the academic support teacher at length and basically they teach executive function skills (how to prioritize and plan homework, scheduling, organization assistance, etc) through direct instruction and work with the kids in any needed area.

This happens during the 3 advisory periods during the week, so it's 6 hours in the academic support classroom per week that is not a pull out from class time. They also supervise extended time on tests, help with homework, help plan writing assignments, monitor grades and address problem areas and act as DS's liaison and advocate in school. The teacher told us they like to focus on the student's strengths to teach them to compensate rather than only working on weak areas.

The academics are solid enough, if not exceptional, and they have a Mathcounts teams that I know DS will love. Plus no required after school athletics.

Just wow. Where has this school been hiding? It's actually our diagnostician who recommended it when I called to consult with her about DS' disaster in progress. I am pretty much prepared to overlook anything short of human sacrifice as far as religious differences to get him here. I still think 4 years of Bible is a bit much but the pros seriously outweigh the cons.

Thanks all for weighing in with your awesome collective wisdom. It help me make a more clear-sighted and less fear driven decision.

Sounds wonderful! And lol'ing at the 4 years of bible - I had 12 years of it ... I always found the classes to be easy A's and knowing the bible cones in handy... Like knowing Greek mythology, etc.

fwtxmom - would you mind PM'ing me the name of the school? It sounds amazing!

PM'd you epoh. DS has a visit Monday. Assuming it goes well, we next ask for release from our current school contract. Fingers crossed!