Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Reading past bedtime . punish or not ?

FWIW, I think I would have the same bedtime during the week as on the weekend, just for consistency's sake. That way he would always have the same amount of time to read. A routine. A routine can lead to less arguing and debate because you can just say, "Sorry, that's how we always do it. Those are the rules." Then, if you find that he would like still more reading time, offer to let him go to bed earlier, knowing that the "lights out" time never changes.

I can't see punishing a child for doing something that is as great for them as reading, but I definitely see the need to set limits.

That's what we do. Lights out time is lights out time. She's pretty good about understanding that it's about adequate sleep, though-- and always has been.

A loving "I need for you to put the book away because I don't want you to be too tired tomorrow" tends to work much better with her than "I said so, don't argue with me," too.

We've had to contend with free reading during time that needs to be spent on other activities, so I'm not unfamiliar with this problem. It's just that punishment seems like such a bad idea w.r.t. reading-- the most I've ever done is take away the book that was the culprit or move her to a location where she has more trouble "sneaking" what she's doing.

Maybe leaving a bedroom door open?

We've had this issue too. Light out time is lights out time. Saying that, my pg ds7.5 woke up wet one time at 2 am and then started to read Stephen Hawking's book, George and the Secret Key to the Universe. My husband and I had to laugh; we both have library degrees and wanted to foster reading, but not at 2 am!

We've managed to somewhat get around this issue by giving ds a quarter of a melatonin pill about an hour or so before ds goes to bed. This way, he can read but usually conks out within 30-45 mins. Everyone is happy then. Ds gets to read before going to sleep and ds actually goes to sleep! Daddy and I get some peace and sleep too.

I would never punish a child for reading since I have a library degree. Instead, I emphasis the point about the need for the brain and body to sleep with eyes closed.

You can't really force a child to sleep, but you can set the right conditions and environment. I'm guessing adhering to a bedtime here is the issue rather than reading for pleasure. So if this is case, I would work on improving the conditions and environment for sleep - ie. Epsom salt baths before bed.

I think it's important to set rules and stick with them; regardless of if the actions that break the rules are something one would normally encourage during other hours of the day.

As a child, I loved to read at night because it relaxed me (still does), so mom would start my bedtime routine early enough so I could get in at least an hour. I'm not saying she didn't yell at me to turn off the light a couple of times!

Hubby, on the other hand, did the whole, "reading with flashlight under the covers until 2am thing". He doesn't think his parents ever realized it.

Dh had a fixed bedtime as a kid and still resents being sent to bed when he wasn't tired. Therefore, the rule in our house has always been that the kids must be in bed by a certain time, and after that *only* reading is allowed, but there is no time limit set on the reading.

Actually... I had sort of forgotten until just reading the latest posts, but for my second D -- I read to her at bedtime every night until she was about 15. She often read before we did our reading, but that was the closure for the night. As I mentioned before, she still did some flashlight reading, but that kind of "broke the spell" of the current book she was reading to herself and got it put down at bedtime. And it was really great bonding time for us, too.

We used to allow DS to read until he fell asleep. This usually resulted in him being exhausted the next day. We tried a variety of methods to remedy the problem and we came up with something that works well for us...

Independent Reading 8:30 - 9:00 p.m. (then 15 minute break for toilet/water/etc.)
Lights Out 9:15 p.m.
Listen to Learning CD until it runs out

Our rule is you have to listen to the CD twice before you can change to a new one. And since we don't buy new ones very often, he can fall asleep anytime...he already knows the endings!

This may not work for everyone, but it's worked well for us. Prior to giving his mind something to think about, he would just lie there for hours trying to shut his brain off.

Amazon offers some good learning CDs, and there is also Story of the World if your child enjoys history.

I agree with this. One of my twins loves to read in bed, and we make sure his bedtime is early enough that he can do it every night (with only a few exceptions.) Maybe let your DS decide? Ask him if he would rather go to bed earlier to allow reading time, or skip reading to stay up later with the family.

I'm confused by the parents who say that they would never punish a child for reading. I don't think that this is a case of punishing for reading - it's a case of punishment for ignoring the rules (and as a side note, we never use the word punishment... it's a consequence, brought on by the child - and frankly, in our case, it was never physical and was usually just taking away the means and having to endure a "we're disappointed" chat with us :)).

I don't think you can kill the love of reading. Dd20 got in trouble quite a few times for reading-related offenses: not returning books to teachers, reading past bedtime, reading in math class, etc... At 20, she's out of college (with a degree in literature), still reads voraciously, and is a member of Teach for America's current corps - sharing her love of reading as an interventionist at a high-poverty school.

We built in reading time every night for all four of our kids. We had the same bedtime every day of the year. If we were out late on a weekend (not common) we'd give then 10 minutes to wind down instead of the 30 minutes that was normal.

Our dss13 and 11 still go to bed at 8pm and read til 8:30. Three or four days a week, they are up before 6 for early-morning activities. Yes, it's early to bed, but they need it. Obviously, when there are sleepovers, school events, etc...(or just a lot of homework) that changes, but even at this age, they really do need their sleep.

Two of our kids are great sleepers and two are not so great. Dd23 struggled in HS and college with sleep issues, but she is now graduated, gainfully employed, and although she'll never be the best sleeper, she has thanked us many times for being so structured. I am a terrible sleeper and had no bedtimes growing up. I really wish I had (my self-discipline on putting a book down is TERRIBLE). For our youngest, who is the other bad sleeper, we have really worked with him on keeping the room cool, using sleep music, sitting with him if he needs it, etc... but I don't think that the answer is reading til exhaustion forces you to stop (in my case, 2am, even if I have to get up at 5:30).

Our dd20 is a teacher at a school that starts at 7:20 am, and she is dismayed on a daily basis to see how many kids are just too tired to learn.

You make some great points, Momtofour.