Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Reading past bedtime . punish or not ?

We have the same problem and have not yet found a solution. We don't want to punish DD for reading either, but what happens if we don't do anything is she stays up *way late* every night and then is tired and crabby in school, which at least sometimes contributes to inappropriate behavior. You can see it getting worse during the course of the week, too, so that by Friday she is really wiped out (even yawning at breakfast), unless we really get on her to stop and turn the lights out during the week. So we have her go to bed about 9, and it's supposed to be lights out by 9:30 so she can get to sleep. But she has snuck a flashlight up on many occasions. I have more sympathy than DH does, because I used to do the same thing when I was a kid Usually if we catch her we just take some time off her video game/iPad allotment for the next day. But we don't like that she feels moved to deceive, and this has only partially worked.

She has a radio in her room and is allowed to listen to the classical music station at low volume--this seems to help sometimes with getting her to sleep. But when we discuss the whole getting to sleep issue she usually says that her mind is racing with thoughts and she couldn't get to sleep anyway--that reading actually helps. We've been trying to have her get more exercise during the day and that seems to help sometimes, but it takes a lot to wear her out and some days she has after-school stuff that takes up most of her time so we can't do that every day. So we're still looking for a solution, too. Best of luck!

I agree with others who are saying make bedtime earlier and build in reading time. DD gets at least half an hour and more often an hour.

Sleep is really, really, really important to health, behavior, and development. I could send you reams of studies. 10 is a late bedtime for that age.

A little more exercise during the day might help.

We had a flashlight problem. I left a funny "warning" note on the flashlight and then it went away.

I'm going to guess that no punishment could make him hate reading -- I think once that love of books gains a foothold, there is no stopping it.

However... I was a "late night" reader as a kid, and so were my kids. I bet if I tried to find all the flashlights hidden in their rooms I couldn't. My kids even have permission in the middle of the night to turn on the light to read a bit if they can't sleep. Not right after bedtime -- I expect them to GO to sleep. But for those "just woke up at 2 am and can't stop thinking about stuff" nights, we all do it. For us it is a "sleep hygiene" issue -- we really have to read before sleeping to stop our minds from working on all the other issues of the day. But it is true that a good book will keep us up late sometimes, too.

I think a couple of times I took the "problem" (meaning: really, really good) book away. Told them it would be there in the morning for them (did the same with the laptop when they were older). But they needed sleep. Doesn't stop them from getting something else off the shelf, but if it was just not wanting to stop on that one book it worked. And as a bedtime reader, I would find it a luxury to have a whole hour at bedtime to read, so extend that time and it might help (tuck him in half an hour earlier than you have been with his book).

It really hasn't done any harm that I can see to any of us. But I would not turn it into a "punishment battle". Reading too much is like... eating too many vegetables or something. And for some gifted kids, taking away books is like cutting off their oxygen. I just tried to be firm that while reading is a very great thing, sleeping is good for their physical health, and they needed to take care of that as well. And try to give them a lot of reading opportunities during the day, and a bit of slack for middle of the night wakefulness. But making this a battle of wills like your H is possibly doing is NOT a good idea.

What do you think is a reasonable bedtime for 11, almost twelve year olds? DS goes to bed at 9, but some nights it's 9:30. We never have to wake him in the morning though, unlike my older son.

For my DD, I sometimes use this opportunity to expose her to some topics she normally avoids herself. If she can actually start to enjoy the books I picked and read them long past bedtime, that would be a big gain for her, more than enough to compensate for the harm caused by late sleep. If the books put her to sleep earlier, that's fine too.

Depends what time he has to get up, but 10 hours is recommended for this age. Before puberty, most kids tend naturally towards an earlier bedtime and wake-up...before 10 for sure. At puberty, the sleep schedule shifts, which is why we have so many problems with teens wanting to stay up late and being so tired. HS needs to start later than elementary school.

http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/how-sleep-works/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need

(I know a lot of you will say these findings don't apply to your kid, and they may not. I'm just saying that overall, the findings on sleep are incredibly convincing. For adults, too. I'm pretty convinced that sleep deprivation has a lot to do with the obesity epidemic--they find the connection over and over again.)

We recently had to remove the bedside reading lamp from DS6's room because he stayed up reading until 11:30 pm. Not good for him; he doesn't have the resilience for that schedule. We are working on learning self-control.

In general, I'm strongly approving of reading at bedtime... but not at the cost of that much sleep.

He was devastated about losing the lamp. We are likely to put it back and see if he manages it better...

DeeDee

yes, let me add that I would not PUNISH (and did not, when DD was reading with flashlights). We just removed the means. Our house is small enough that reading with overhead light on is not something she could get away with, so we just made sure no flashlights were filchable.