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Please help!

Aiden (6.5) is having a few difficulties with Nathan (4.75) achieving more than he is. This past weekend they both competed in SEMAS (japanese abacus maths) competitions, with Nathan getting a gold medal for paper A and Aiden a silver for paper B. Aiden is telling everyone who congratulates them that Nathan only got a gold because paper A was easier, and so HE himself actually did better. They both did incredibly well! They only did the program for 3 months before competing and I was so proud of both of them as they achieved their own personal goals in the comp - they didn't know there were medals etc to win beforehand.

He did work harder (ie did a few more practice tests and devised an entire convoluted practice technique for helping himself speed up) in the preparations, but wouldn't let me help him with a few things (including number writing clearly) as he insisted on doing it his way. Nathan worked consistently and let me show him a few things.

Nathan is definitely a faster learner - able to understand things on just a different level faster. He grasps things quicker and is able to apply them more openly across the board in what seems like a natural way - Aiden needs to think about it for a bit longer. I mean even Aiden is awesomely out there, but Nathan is just astounding to be honest. Possibly because he is less outwardly intense it's more visible - he has no perfectionism issues or performance anxiety things that i am aware of (Aiden has both).

How can I help them both cope with this narrowing gap? and with things like what happened at the competition? Please help me, I want them to be buddies (they are usually) I don't want Nathan to feel he has to downplay his achievements or hold himself back, and I don't want Aiden to feel he "lost" or that he has to continually justify his results.

Thanks MON - that's kinda what we have been doing. I was excited because they both met their personal goals on the day of the competition and I made sure to tell them that. We do loads of activities and games with no winner, with the focus on the activity and not the output etc (as a way to help with the perfectionism thing)

I couldn't tell them they cannot do x because one of their brothers does it - I just simply couldn't. Up till now they have both wanted to do what the other expresses interest in - they are close in age (22 months) and very close as brothers go too.

What about moving forward - Aiden is aware that Nathan is faster academically as well. sometimes he is okay with it and will call his younger brother to read a word for him or help him with some maths, other times he is adamant that he must stay ahead. I know there are no easy answers, I think I just need some strategies to put into play regularly.

I second everything MON said - the first paragraph especially!

I will also add - I suspect you'll find that as your boys get older they will (on their own) find interests and passions that will allow them to be involved in separate activities, and worries over competing in extracurriculars will most likely fade into the background. Note - my kids still compete with each other over crazy-silly stuff, but as they've grown they've each found their own sports, their own academic strengths and their own "fun" activities.

If competition in one specific activity is a huge problem at the moment, I'd consider just dropping that activity all together and finding other fun things to do as a family.

Best wishes,

polarbear