Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Frustrated...Any sage words?

YIKES!! We have a big issue with staff...

All week last week my son had serious anxiety especially at start of day. Everyday he had awful cramping and diarrhea when time to leave rolled around. He is really struggling. The Social Worker and Psychologist have been working with him heavily to help and have been kind and helpful.

Today both the SW and Psych physically restrained him (and he was hysterical) as I painfully walked away questioning whether this was the right decision but knowing we have been trying everything else and it was not working.

He did calm rather quickly using his breathing and techniques and went on to have a good day. Including saying "it really helped me to get forced today. It actually worked well for me and I was okay after just a little bit." This was his report at lunchtime.

Then at the end of the day he told me he got to check out 2 books from the library but that his teacher refused to let him check out the book he wanted from a series he has read quite a bit including in the classroom last year. That wouldn't have been so bad... maybe just a misunderstanding or not being clear that he does read on that level.

It's the reason that has me rather disgusted. He says the teacher told him, "you can't check out that book because you didn't come to school with a smile today"!!!! I heard her say those very words earlier in the week about how he needed to come with a smile after the first tough day she saw.

I can't even begin to understand how someone could think they could talk to a young child that way. He has a diagnosed anxiety disorder with a PTSD pattern in his brain scans. He is working seriously hard to overcome profoundly difficult physical and emotional struggles... but no little boy, next time SMILE or you will have your learning options limited even further.

Where do you start with a teacher like this?

Happily, does he have an IEP, and if so is there a behavior plan?

Such a plan spells out explicitly what must be done to proactively prevent problems (like anxiety) as well as what consequences can be used when there are problems. It sets real, enforceable limits on school staff.

Seems to me it would be a place to start.

DeeDee

ETA: now I see that you're working on a 504. I would try to hold out for an IEP, with explicit instructions on discipline strategies...

What!!! That is one of the more stupid things I have heard. Hugs.

I just saw the books... he was allowed to check out beginning readers. He's been reading lengthy chapter books for some time. I think we have BIG trouble with our teacher for this year. I sure hope our neuropsych eval with Dr. Amend this week provides a lot of help to get this turned around. It is very clear she never even read his "getting to know you" info. I am just so incredibly sad to hear how she treated my little guy.

Oh dear!!! That's unbelievable, HappilyMom! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that nonsense on top of everything else. I imagine this is all feeling Sisyphean. Many hugs to you.

It is infuriating that an adult, and more importantly an educator, would talk to a little kid that way. Seems to me like the teacher has issues and doesn't want to do any more than she absolutely has to. Happilymom, sorry for asking this but is homeschooling even an option? Sending more hugs your way.

Uggg... that kind of thing drives me BONKERS.

I'm not sure exactly how to talk to her, but I would NOT encourage your son to force a smile for this lady. With his anxiety he needs to continue to be focused on RECOGNIZING his feelings, and learning to cope with them in healthy manners. Which is sounds like he's starting to do, which is awesome! Being forced to put on a "show" for his teacher is straight up bullshit. Pardon my french.

I personally would probably bypass this lady and go straight to an administrator that I feel comfortable with. Is it possible to get him transferred into a different classroom?

Today was our first day of testing and DS was all over the place in every way. Dr. is saying "tons of scatter" so far. I saw my son miss lots of questions he knew easily after the test. He just went haywire after the intro conversation where "school" was discussed. Our local psychologist who was supposed to help w the anxiety also quit on us... Which was probably best (my husband and I were discussing her ineffectiveness). However the timing seems quite horrible.

I sure hope tomorrow goes better. We really need some answers.

Well NP says to head to a 504 because we will get it in place faster and he needs something now.

I have to meet with his teacher when I get back... I think I will talk to her about his "therapeutic goals" for his anxiety and explain the importance of her support with that. I will be emphasizing the importance of him recognizing and expressing his actual emotions and handling them in a age appropriate and socially appropriate way.

Thanks for helping me get my words together. I was so shocked and angry when it happened... I needed to regroup here before I head back in to the trenches.

Amy-- I think there is a good chance that we can move him out of her class when we address his learning needs... He doesn't belong in her grade level. In the meantime I just want to contain her a bit from doing additional damage.