Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Existencial depresion?

DD has just learnt about wars, and poverty and that people can die of hunger ... and she is getting increasily worried about it.

How do you deal with this? She is not even 5

She keeps asking questions and I do not know what to answer.

Any advice?

It's tempting to give in depth explanations because she is so intelligent and has displayed that she is aware of these very complex issues.
But my advice is be as age appropriate as you can. Don't brush off her questions, because her concern will probably grow if she senses these questions are "off limits", but keep it sweet and simple if possible.
I think the best way to handle is: Unfortunately, honey, sometimes this happens to some people, but it will never happen to you.
There are very intelligent adults who are working very, very hard to solve these problems.

Off the top of my head that's the best I can come up with.

Gotta run to school, but will check back in later. Hopefully you'll have the problem solved by then!

Provide her with a tangible opportunity to do something to fix the wrongs in the world.

Example -- Have her do a special chore around the house, pay her, take her to the grocery to buy some food, then take her to a food bank to donate it.

Neato: she is drilling me .... even if I am vague she keeps asking why or how or when and she is like a pitbull with a leg in his mouth: it will not let it go. Plus she can figure out things by herself from little bits pieces of information, like when she figured on her own that everybody (including herself) dies.

She saw an image of a small child who was obviusly ill from some subdeveloped country and she got really really impresed by it. I am still kicking myself for not being more careful.

OH-Oma (=Grandma in Dutch): I have to find out about food bank here - or maybe the Red Cross...

A lesson from Corrie Ten Boom:


I've also used this method.

P.S., I like 'Oma'.

I like that quote Oma!

Okay, I'm back. So you did you try what both of us suggested and she is still drilling you?
If so, give me an example of what questions she is asking and I'll tell you what I said to my kids.

My son had a difficult few years around ages 4 and 5, with a neighbor boy dying and his grandmother who lives next door suddenly forgetting who he was because she had suffered brain damage. My son had an even harder time when he was 5 1/2 and in Kindergarten and his dad was diagnosed with cancer.

My son learned to deal with it with humor. He had heard that "laughter is the best medicine" so he came up with the funniest things to say when we waited with his dad at the hospital. My son needed to feel like he was doing something to help and this was the only way he knew how. I think that somehow helped him deal with knowing that there was bad stuff happening all around him. He knew he couldn't do anything about what was happening, but he could help the people going through it feel better by making them laugh.

He does still worry about some things but I really think that feeling like he is doing something helps him.

Maybe she could feel like she is helping by donating food to a food bank.

Nope, not yet ... She is sleeping.... shhhhhh ....

And so will I in a short moment

Good night!

One of my kids is a worrier. He was very worried about death and extinction when he was 4/5. He's 6 now and the topic doesn't come up as often.

I think he deals with it in part by thinking about ways to bring back extinct animals (cloning [though he barely understands the idea], time machines). This gives him focus and a goal-oriented approach. Maybe you could encourage your daughter to think about ways to make things better.

Val

I was quite a worrier, too, as a little girl. My main worry was nuclear war, but there were many others. When my DS was in those phases, I would sit by his bed and rub his back and tell him about how I used to worry about the same things when I was his age and how my mother would sit by my bed and rub my back and tell me about how she used to worry when she was little and her mother would rub her back.....

I think one thing that was hard for him was feeling like he was the only one who worried, who felt the pain. Knowing that it was normal and that he wasn't crazy, and that he was not feeling the pain alone seemed to help.

acs, I smiled reading your post because it sounded just like me (nuclear war worries).

Oma, I love the quote and your advice about tangibly helping. When my DS was maybe 6 he learned about global warming and was very distraught, couldn't sleep. I told him about ways we could help (turning off lights, carpooling, etc.) and he was comforted that he could do something about it.

I just wanted to thank you for all the sugestions. I have not had the oportunity of aplying them since DD has not brought up the subject yet. Knowing her, she will sooner or later.

Yesterday she was worried by a fire in a building. She thought that people may have died or loose their house. Fortunately there were no causalties and it was not an appartment building and this put her mind at rest.

Now she fears a fire in our house ....

As for doing something tangible I am going to suggest to her giving her old (ie. small but quite new) clothing and some old toys to some charity.

Giving her outgrown clothing and toys to a charity benefits others, and is good. But, I've often wondered if it really teaches a child about real charity. If it's something we no longer can use, or want, and we give it away, does that really help develop our compassion for those who need help? Just something I've thought about.

If your daughter fears fire in your house then she's old enough to learn safety plans on prevention and how to get out of the house. Can you also take her to a fire department so she can see firemen up close, and dressed in fire gear?

Hmmm...Interesting philosophical question, OHG!

Well, if it's an item that is still useful, then I think it does teach compassion. Even if you don't want/need the item, if the child can see that someone can use it, then the child is able to put him/herself in someone else's place. I think that's the important root of compassion, far more important than self-sacrifice.

After all, you might sacrifice something that you dearly love, but that doesn't mean that anyone else will want it. My son has a favorite t-shirt that he'd rather die than give up, I think, but that doesn't mean that anyone else would want to wear the holey, stained, faded thing!

I do love talking philosophy, OHG, and I don't get to very often. You made my day!

Oh, and as for the fire issue, Isa: it can be useful to talk numbers with GT kids. Talking about how few houses burn can be useful for helping them gain perspective. Point out *all the houses you see* that are not damaged by fire ("That one's not, that one's not, that one's not..."), and the older they are the better: "See! That house is 200 years old and not damaged by fire."

And I agree with OHG that talking about prevention and safety plans is key. If your DD feels like she has some control, some way to prevent the situation that scares her, she probably won't be as scared by it. Enlist her eyes to look for appliances that aren't unplugged, a stove that isn't turned off, some fabric that's too near a heater, that sort of thing. Talk about never playing with fire/matches/lighters. Teach her how to call the fire department. Show her your smoke detectors and how they work. Give her some control.

One other thought: this sort of worrying is really common among GT and sensitive kids. It's hard to watch, but it's pretty normal. It sounds to me like you're handling it very well. She'll get through it in time if you keep giving her the tools to do so, just as you are.

{{hugs!}}

Hi Isa,
This brought back many memories. The worries she shares are ok, it's the ones she hides that do the most harm, i think.

I like to encourage DS to ask G-d to carry the parts that are too difficult. Some people make a Box to send their worrys to
G-d. Then they write little notes and put them in the box.

Mostly I try to show that 'It's a process' and that there are some things we can do on our own, and somethings that we need to work together with others on.

An example of a change that requires both personal and group work is the food industry. This morning, I bought some 'organic' Catsup in our regular grocery store. This pleases and amazes me. Even though people are starting to worry about the cost of food, it seems that more folks would rather eat Organic beans than Feedlot meat.

Love and more love,
Grinity

Good points!

OHG: I think in this case it could be a major sacrifice for DD since she now wants a sister and she is convinced that her old clothing will be for this future sister...
No, I am not pg and do not have the intention of becoming pg in the next 10000 years. (DH would like it but that's another story:))