Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion strengthening control of attention

I also make it a point to note those relatively rare instances in which an ADULT inconveniences my DD by being scatterbrained, late, or just self-centered about something. Being civilized ultimately means doing things to suit not just ourselves, but to not overly inconvenience those around us, too.

So if I have to hunt for my car keys or my cell phone, and make DD late? Yeah-- I own it, and it's a teachable moment. There's a reason why I use spatial scaffolding in my life.

... especially when multi-tasking.

Thanks about the "necessary evils"-related points, dullness of highway driving, etc...all good points and ones that you have inspired me to re-make in numerous ways!

However, I am not sure how powerful "this is the way it is" is for this particular child. Certainly he needs to know that--and he does respond to such information. But those kinds of arguments fade inside him (I'm guessing) when he is in the moment.

I am still really interested in any practical things people have done with their kids to help strengthen these skills!

Yup yup yup, x 1,000. Fyi mine (8 also) has a diagnosis of ADHD Combined type, which the psychologist characterized as severe. Btw, he also has remarkable powers of concentration... if he's interested, or if the work/task is challenging enough to engage him. Otherwise... he's a space cadet. lol.

Both my kids (DD has no diagnosis) have significant concentration problems when they are not challenged. Yesterday DD10 was complaining about how hard it is to concentrate because the work is too easy. sigh. DS8, meanwhile, needs interest, challenge or task-specific motivation or he won't even try.

Fyi, I haven't medicated DS8 yet... not sure if I will. There's such a fine behavioural line between gifted vs ADHD vs visual-spatial that it can be hard to differentiate. He seems to have quite a healthy temperament: he's happy, resilient, confident and non-aggressive and I don't want to tamper with that. He can be very intense, but not as "darkly" so as DD can be (she's my drama queen ) Anyway... I digress. lol

I LOVE this idea Omgosh... writing it down. I'm going to do this with my DS. Thanks

Yes!! Exactly. So... I'll say to my son, "ah, but if you had been paying attention, you could have answered. So, hmmm. Maybe next time if you have the right answer for me, I'll give you ten extra Wii minutes."

Bingo. We have focus.

How does that help (if I'm having to motivate him to do it)? Neuroplasticity (why doesn't spell check like that word? sigh) ...as in, the more often he is motivated to pay attention to his surroundings, the more he'll do it, and the more he does it, the more synapses/pathways/whatever are established for that cognitive activity. I'm just a layperson, so to the neurologists out there: please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...

I am still really interested in any practical things people have done with their kids to help strengthen these skills!

Daily responsibilities which are tied to some externally imposed scaffold.

1. Remind-remind-remind about those responsibilities until they become habit.

2. Praise the habit once established. No praise for inattentive/incomplete work, however-- this often needs to be a slow transition. Emphasize natural consequences in corrections, wherever possible. ("Oh, look-- the dog is OUT OF WATER. I wonder who forgot to refill the bowl this morning...")

3. Praise-- particularly-- attention to detail in those habits (so for example, noticing that sweeping wasn't enough since the floor was so dirty it needed mopping).

4. Praise diligence and adherence to routine even when NOT reminded, and especially when something more appealing/engaging could have been selected as an alternative. "I'm really proud of you for your choice to clean the hamster cage this morning instead of texting with your friends."

5. Emphasize the qualities that your child values (not the ones that you value)-- "You are becoming so much more mature. I can tell because _________ (agreed-upon task completion) is happening each day without reminders from anyone!"

Substitute whatever aspect of this skill set is most desirable to your child in particular there-- helpful, conscientious, diligent, responsible, grown-up, self-reliant, etc.

6. Praise your child for NOTICING when scut-work needs doing. This is attention to detail that requires specific reinforcement for some children. I still praise DD14 for cleaning up her own bathroom or bedroom, or initiating other household tasks without prompting.

Now that DD is older, I will sometimes make her "guess" which chores need to be completed before she can go off with her friends, go to a regular social thing, etc. I'll have a mental list of things that I think are (or should be) fairly obvious, and quite often are things that she should-- IF she has been paying attention-- have heard her dad or me refer to in the previous few days. Plus the standard things, of course.

So for example, maybe this Sunday's list is going to look like:

brush out Shetland Sheepdog
Give the dog a bath
Novice obedience work with Sheltie
mow the lawn
practice the piano
put away clean clothes

This requires that she be able to use more subtle environmental cues to remind her of information that she has heard as verbal instructions.

She might do everything on that list but work with the dog-- and then ask me "Am I done?" To which I will say, nope-- what did we talk about on Wed evening?

If she still doesn't remember, I'll give another hint or two.

Looking back on my life growing up, I think that my primary chore a kid was basically to graduate valedictorian and get a full college scholarship.

I had to mow the grass and I had a paper route, both of which generated cash (allowance and employment income).

I destroyed the mower once in high school because nobody explained to me that you had to check the oil.

Other than that, I was pretty much task-free.