Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Not sure what to do next....

DS5 (first grade, early entry) is complaining at home much more about having to do "kindergarten math" at school, fussing about doing the repetitive Saxon math program at home (but eventually does complete the two math pages for us) and now is refusing to read "those stupid preschool books with easy words and stupid stories".

I had sent a book to school for his teacher to see, that he is able to read at a higher level, a book on Hurricanes that he had picked out. I asked if he could read that one at school as his extra book. She sent back a note that he "needs to stay with the group. Little Bear lends itself beautifully in teaching quotations and we will be doing an activity on that soon." When I told DS that the note said he needed to read the assigned books he stated "I'm not going to read anymore stupid stories. I think it is way past time for me to go to second grade!"

My husband and I are getting frustrated again. In Dec. the principal wanted to wait and see on the math. Now the teacher doesn't seem to understand the need for more complex stories. And son is getting turned off school already! He keeps saying things like how he reads better than other kids, that he knows all the math, that he doesn't need to go to school because he already knows everything they teach there. Yet as of Dec. the teachers were not aware of his unhappiness. They said they have not seen any attitude problems or had refusal to do work. In fact, they pointed out that he "is learning to wait for the others and not read ahead/do the worksheet ahead of us." Both his teachers noted that they praised him for his patience. UGH!!!!! Slowing him down in NOT what we want!!!!!!

We are supposed to meet again at the end of this semester, at the principal's suggestion. That will be the end of Jan/early Feb. I have a feeling that nothing is really going to change until DS becomes a behavior problem at school. I'm sure it is just a matter of time before he starts disrupting the class and refusing stuff at school. Is there any hope that advocacy can head that off?! I'm sorry to ramble and vent, but I thought we were doing so well. Maybe this is just a bump in the road? Can someone give me hope?!

We had no indication that our son was bored at school other than the fact that he just did not want to attend. I thought for a very long time that it was his insecurity about me not picking him up after school (used to leave scribbled notes in his lunch box to reassure him otherwise). He LOVED to be sick and stay home. His behaviour was never a problem at the school. He never said that things were too easy, that he was bored, that other kids were dumb etc. I never expected that changing schools will make him blossom the way it did. I was proven wrong - thankfully. But one lesson I learned along the way - it is not the school that is the most important here but the teacher. Research what teachers are in store for him next year - try matching his needs with one. Also, I find with my daughter that it really helps to play intelligence down at times - other kids have different strengths. Stimulating him at home at this young age is also much easier than later on, when they mature . I can relate to doing more complex work at home and thinking - why in the world is he waisting his time at school?
Keep searching, talk to other parents in your area, believe me, you are not alone :-)
Ania

Oh Debbie, this all sounds so familiar! And so frustrating.

My advice is to become the squeaky wheel. Stop letting the school call the shots. Don't let them put you off, or they will find a way to keep putting you off. You'll meet in early Feb.; at that meeting, they'll say they will review the situation and meet again in 4 weeks, etc. Suddenly it will be the end of the year and you'll look back and see that NOTHING has been done all year. You need to find a way to make them take you seriously NOW.

I would start with the teacher. Call--or even better, show up after school one day this week and tell her there is a serious problem... tell her DS is complaining at home, every day, and you are worried. If she says, "Well, he's not complaining at school," say But he IS complaining at home, loudly, daily, and therefore we have a problem! Ask if she is willing to informally assess DS to see what level he's at in reading, in math. Does she really know what DS is capable of? Bring in the types of books he is reading at home. Bring in math sheets he's done at home. Bring in articles from the Davidson site. You need to find out her attitude, if she's willing or unwilling to consider doing anything different for DS. Frankly, if she's not willing to support DS working ahead, it's a losing battle no matter what the principal or district says.

After talking to the teacher, call the principal and say you need to meet now, this week, ASAP, because there is a serious problem and you cannot wait 3-4 weeks for the next meeting. If the principal is dragging his feet, ask him who you need to call to set up a meeting with the district superintendent.

I'd also call the district curriculum director and ask his/her advice on what to do with a first grader who desperately needs to be working ahead.

Is there a mandate for gifted ed in your state? What is your district's policy? Is your district part of a larger ISD? If so, what are their policies? Do they have anyone in charge of gifted ed who might be able to give you advice on advocacy? Be sure to know all of that information.

Be sure to take DH with you to any formal meetings. (It stinks to be advocating for your child alone, outnumbered, in a roomful of teachers and administrators shooting down everything you say! Been there, done that... never again.)

After every meeting, follow-up with something written so you have documentation for future meetings. Even if it's an informal meeting with the teacher, the next day send an email (cc'd to the principal) saying, "thanks for meeting with me... as you know, these are our concerns... here's what I heard you saying will be done..." and spell out exactly what was said in the conversation. (I am good at these letters; feel free to send me a PM if you want any input!) If it's a letter/email to the principal, cc it to the superintendent.

Some good phrases to say in meetings when teachers/admin are putting up roadblocks:
How is this in the best interest of my child?
How are you going to accomodate my child's needs?

If you get nothing but roadblocks and you really want to get attention, call the principal and tell him/her that you are keeping DS home from school until these issues are resolved satisfactorily. Follow up with a written statement, cc'd to superiors. That will get attention and action.

If things don't work out at this school, what are your alternatives?

GG

Oh my gosh, this is exactly how it started for us! Although we didn't do early advancement to 1st grade...but my 5 yr old kindergartner's first school complaints were about the "baby books" they had to check out at the library...and she was sending home Little Bear books that he felt were way beneath him. My son even pretended to lose his library book one week so he wouldn't have to check out another one. It was in his bookbag, as always, and he did turn it in after they got back from the library. Thankfully for us, his teacher is advocating him almost as much as I am. He now gets to choose any book he wants from the library and they are sending home 3rd and 4th grade level books for him to read. They also have him create and illustrate his own stories and he is loving that. Last night he made up a Greedy Cat story...."Greedy Cat and the Jet Fighter"...it's about Greedy Cat joining the military and it is beautifully illustrated.

Anyway, make as much noise as you can. They can provide enrichment activities if nothing else. Or maybe you'll have to look into other school options. Good luck!

1 - it's all about the teacher. IMHO - you teacher has already shown where her alligiance lies. If you can find a 2nd grade teacher who might have a better attitude, then send a note demanding an immediate grade skip.

2 - you can not afford to wait until your child becomes a behavioral problem. Those patterns are layed down in that little brain for life. Don't do it. I believe that it is dangerous.

3 - What are your alternatives? Start exploring now. Are there other public school you can send your son too? It's true that some of the folks here have gotten wonderful results from the public school. I never did and I tried and tried for 2 years. Find your local Homeschool grapevine, check out the private schools. Talk to your relatives. I know that some people just "have" to send their kid to public school - ok if you just have to - we'll show you how to make the best of it - but take a good hard look at your own situation.

4 - If you bring him home, temporarily or permanently, see if you can teach him to keyboard with correct finger positions. Once he can express his ideas on a keyboard, all kinds of things open up. "Read, Write, Type" or "Mavis Beacon" are 2 of my favorites.

Best Wishes,
Trinity

Thanks to all of you! I appreciate the support and encouragement.

Last night my husband shook his head and said,"I guess this is why so many around here are homeschooling." Perhaps he is right. We live in a rural area. The school is small - only one class per grade, except the current 3rd grade has two. So, there will only be ONE 2nd grade teacher to go to. We worked very hard and had to take son out of state to Iowa for private testing to get him into FIRST grade, they are really digging in their heels now, I think. The principal really put the brakes on when I suggested just a trial of son in 2nd grade math class, or to at least pre-test him on end of the year stuff to get an idea of what he does/does not already know.

It shocks me as a parent to have a child who is not even 6 yet making comments that he no longer needs to go to school as he already knows everything they teach there. I think he uses it primariy as a social outlet and puts up with the academics! Just as I start to think that he can't be all THAT smart........you know what I mean. Sometimes I think that maybe the testing was all wrong, he got lucky or something! Then he says things like this!

I'll take all you've offered to heart and come up with a plan. Homeschooling isn't an option. I am the primary bread winner and would also be the best one to do the homeschooling. There are no private schools within a reasonable driving distance for us, even if we could afford the tuition. But perhaps a move is feasible, I don't know. I just know that the school staff keep saying how they've never seen a child like DS before. So it's up to me to keep them on the right track.

Meanwhile, DS is getting LOTS of enrichment and appropriate level stuff at home. And we will be commuting an hour each way every saturday morning for 8 weeks so he can attend a class at the CTD near Chicago. Well worth the expense, time and effort to see the look on his face! He is counting the days till it starts! He picked the course called "Math Challenges" because "I love hard math!" Gotta love him! Thanks again and I'll let you know how things evolve.

Yes, it is shocking for the age, isn't it! This is exactly what DD6 said all throughout K last year (she was 5 then; early entry like your son). At least 3 times a week she'd say, "I already know everything in Kindergarten." When she started 1st grade this year, same thing. On the second day she came home and said, "I think I'm ready for second grade now. I already know everything in first grade." She made a similar comment every day, until we switched schools and she got a teacher willing to challenge her.

I have no doubt this is true. Before DD switched schools, she said the only things she liked about first grade were: recess, lunch, art, music, and on Fridays when they got to read TIME Magazine for Kids. She liked the TIME Magazine time "because we get to answer questions about what we read." Oh, and she liked the book the teacher was reading aloud to them--James and the Giant Peach. She said that would be the ONLY reason to stay at the old school--to find out how the story ended. (I assured her we would get the book and read it together, and we did.) :-)

I also found it interesting that, at the old school, her "best friend" was the most hyper, disruptive, troublesome girl in the class. When I visited the classroom I realized why: because that girl was the most exciting thing in the room! That's how bored DD was. At the new school, DD has a nice variety of friends--she really likes everyone in the class, and is not gravitating toward the most "disruptive" kids.

Post deleted by Mark Dlugosz

Hi Debbie,

I'm going to play devil's advocate here - who is doing the

[quote] Meanwhile, DS is getting LOTS of enrichment and appropriate level stuff at home. And we will be commuting an hour each way every saturday morning for 8 weeks so he can attend a class at the CTD near Chicago. [-quote]

?

It sounds like that is enough academic for now. You may even find that with trips to the library, your son might develop into a self-directed learner! Whouldn't that be nice? Next year you can try bricks and morter school again. Can you find a neighbor mom to keep him during the school hours or a local homeschooler who you could pay to keep him during the day?

Even if he just ends up reading most of most days, it's far superior to being slammed in school.

My advice is to not worry about next year - a lot can change between now and then, just find a good something for this year. Think about life 100 years age, 200, 500 - ideas about what children should do all day have changed quite a bit.

another thing to think about: how much choice do you want your son to have? I always reassured DS that DH and I would make the final choice, but that I wanted him to know the process, to hear the alternatives, and to hear from him what his hopes and concerns would be about each alternative.

Remember - compared to what he's learning in school, how many minutes of your time would it take to replace that?

Take your time, relax
Love and More Love,
Trin

Thanks, GG. It is nice to know that there are others out there who have BTDT and found answers.

Trinity: I hadn't really thought of schooling like that until you pointed it out. Now that I think about it, a neighbor of ours who has homeschooled had commented on how they get all their coursework done in such a short time. Maybe it is possible?????

Meanwhile, today was the emotional meltdown. Son started to cry whent he bus came. I had to drive him to school. He wanted me to stay with him all day, we sat in the hall outside his class for over half an hour, trying to let him calm down and go in to join his class. He just kept crying that he can't stand how boring it is. So I finally said, let's go home. He balked at first, then said yes. I said we would do school at home that he likes.

But then at home when he picked out a book to read, it was an easy one that he read over a year ago! When given the choice between picking a harder book to read at home or going to school, he picked school!!!! What's with that?! I'm thinking, wants challenge but has such a hard time dealing with it. This has come out on several tests/observations.

I did talk with the principal. He is going to have the school social worker get involved. So he hopes to have a meeting date set by the end of the week. Then the social worker will observe and meet DS before the meeting. Maybe we can come up with something. There are multiple dynamics going on. I hope we can sort it all out.