Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments School Restrictions on Dress...a Lamentation.

This past year, our son has attended a private school that prohibits any clothing with logos, pictures, etc.

As an artist, it's been awful for me; mostly because I had already purchased some wonderful outfits for my son (6) to wear for this past year. But, because of a poor "fit" (pun intended) with the public school, we transferred to this private facility.

Next year, I'm happy to report, he will attend a different school and is free to express my sense of color and form. I say, "my" because he's an uninterested by-stander in the wardrobe department. He will color coordinate, but that's his fashion limit.

How many gifted children who love color and freedom must conform to the strict limitations of uniforms? Is this something that makes each day less to celebrate for your child?

I know some of you have children who interpret days of the week in color. I understand that on a lower level. By that I mean I find myself automatically coordinating my own clothing with my son's. I set out his clothes each night and somehow manage to automatically choose complimentary colors or matching colors naturally for myself the next morning.

DS pointed out that we were both in all blue today and that is what prompted this post.

We had the opposite: at our public school they were strict on uniforms, hair etc, which DS felt constricted his self-expression, and the strong focus on policing these arbitrary rules really rubbed him the wrong way! And I agree, who cares how long your hair is or what colour it is when you've got so much more going on *inside* your head?!
For many reasons we switched him to a private school, which had no uniform, and a reasonable and flexible hair and dress code, which DS was much happier with.
On a related note I have heard of a little gifted girl who would dress in theme every day - quite abstract themes! Like, she would dress as a season, or an emotion, or a place or a time. Tinsel in her hair would be giggles, and ribbons wrapped around her arms would be the tickling fingers, and her shirt would be yellow for happiness, or she'd wear clothes the colour of her house, with a grey beanie for the chimney and a green cape for the backyard and stick flowers in her shoes etc etc. So cool, but she quickly grew out of it when she started school

Oh, my very artistic DD HATES her (public school) uniform. It was a serious downside of changing to this school for her. I have come around to it, in that it makes shopping and mornings easier. BTW, she is a synesthete (sees days, letters, and numbers in colors, as you mentioned).

She does her best with socks, jewelry, and hair accessories.

DS is uninterested in clothes, other than liking sea creature anything, so he won't care.

It's not a *huge* problem for us, but kind of an annoyance. The basic rule is that the school doesn't allow "characters" on the clothes. That's fine, but my life is so much easier when I don't have to make him change in the morning.

One day, I let him wear pajamas to school because I figured it's Montessori and should be child-centered and all. I got scolded by the teacher. And I mean, it really did feel like a scolding. For the next few days when my son would say, "but why do I have to change my clothes?" I'd say, "Because Mrs. Teacher is going to put mommy in a time-out" Now, he generally sleeps in clothes that he can go to school in.

The biggest issue for us as been hair. He had a haircut that was kind of spikey, but still long. Kinda rocker bedhead-ish. At home, he'd sometimes rock some colors in it. It used hair glue. Anyway, on Valentine's day, I let him wear some pink in his hair to school, then that day he didn't take a bath, so there was some residual pink in the hair the next day. The teacher then told me, "You need to stop letting him spike his hair because it's affecting his concentration." I was like, "uh, yeah. *That's* the problem." (At that point, we'd been complaining for months about the work in class being too easy for him.)

Once school's out (13 more days!) I think he's gonna go wild with like a mohawk or something.

We love the uniform. Love it. I know my high school daughter is not worried about what to wear every morning. And that is a big deal.

Yeah, us too when the kids had them. Now at dd's middle school I am very thankful for the dress code. I cannot imagine what some kids would wear if not. I also know at my friend's private school that there is no popular culture talk/clothes etc. I don't know how they enforce it, it may be just strongly encouraged to talk/play something other than Disney princesses and Batman. I do like steering kids away from being mini billboards. I know this isn't the OP's situation--I am sure the kid will find another outlet for creativity!

In Australia, a uniform is the norm for all schools, with private schools going further with blazers and ties. I love the uniforms! For safety and fashion issues, it is great.

Out of school, I give my eldest a lot of freedom his clothes and hair cut. He likes the "eccentric professor" look, so bow ties and crazy hair it is. I feel it's important to give kids some freedom and choices in their style. It is basically an extension of their personality.

sigh... i want to go to there.

but back to the post... our (private) school has a uniform and on the first day of school, DD5 said the uniform made her feel like she was joining history (it is a VERY old school). as we walked up to the school on that first day, she said that she was planning to send her daughter there, too. at this point we had every hope this school would be right for her, and it was a really magical moment.

unfortunately, she has spent the entire year trying to blend in academically and socially. though she was incredibly successful at this, over time, she became withdrawn, angry and sad. of course, it's not the fault of the uniform, but i'd be willing to bet that for my (super sensitive) kid, the dress code has been a contributing factor. a uniform is, after all, by definition a visual cue to define, to integrate, and to belong.

all of which is fantastic when you're not struggling to feel those things naturally.

When DD10 had a uniform she would push the limits of what was allowed with her socks and her hairdo. I was truly amazed at what they let her get away with and not call "distracting".

Now that she is at a non-uniform school she dresses with a theme of some sort all the time. Often times it is based on a strange connection between the two colors she puts together and then she spends the day hoping someone will ask her why she is wearing x with y. Since she straddles grades 7 and 8, there are lots of girls in particular interested in their looks, so she does it sometimes to poke fun at their obsession with having the "right" clothes.

My kids wear school uniforms. I love them.

One thing that's good about them is that kids whose parents can't afford the "right" clothes can get picked on or made fun of. I experienced it as a high school junior when we moved from New England to a place that had one of the largest polyester clothing factories in the US. My preppy stuff did not go down well at my new school and a lot of the kids made fun of my clothes. It didn't really bother me, but I'm far more unflappable in that regard than most people. Kids can be pretty mean and uniforms at least spare the uncool dressers from that particular experience.

My own observation is that most kids wear uniforms to school even when they're not required. They conform to the dressing norms of their particular social groups. Uniforms just simplify the process.

I think uniforms are a great idea.

We have none in our public schools here, unless it's a "traditional" public school. Since my kids go to a regular public school rather than traditional or private, they've never worn uniforms.

We haven't had any problems so far - DD10 has a fabulous eye for coordinates and is still sensitive enough to want to avoid being inappropriate, and DS8 is pretty laid back and prefers it if I choose his clothes.

Last year a notice came home reminding parents that certain things are unacceptable, such as flip flops, spaghetti straps and exposed midriffs. I think this was from some of the grade 7s "finding their style" lol. This year it doesn't seem to have been a problem.

Ah, if only our outside appearance automatically reflected what is really inside...it would be so much easier a decision at election time, right?


That is just too cute! I suspect she was completely misunderstood and toned things down to fit in. Sad.

Mini Boden has some cool summer tees this year he'd like, I bet.

My boys are going to a middle school next year that requires uniforms. My hipster/long-haired wild child isn't looking forward to it. But I actually think it will help him define himself outside of the clothes he wears. He's incredibly funny and quick-witted, and has a definite hipster teenage vibe (that he's had since 1st grade), but this will force him to convey who he is verbally and intellectually, rather than with the clothes he sometimes uses as props.

Oh, like "The Plastics" in Mean Girls? Good for her.

The hair thing with DS is still in flux. He's just now experimenting with combing "his style", which usually consists of heavily watered down bangs and combed up backside.

Whatever floats your boat, kid.

My daughter dresses in themes, too ( but she's only in K). She'll be a kind of plant with the right colors, etc, or she'll make up some character, or be one of her heroes like Elphaba or someone, but mixed with a different situation for the character.

I appreciate how uniforms simplify things, but I'm mostly fine with a well-enforced dress code (for things like beer tees and vulgar print, which yes I've had to have kids turn inside out) but mostly I think hair and stuff should be free from rules. The idea of forbidding color (like in news stories) is just kind of wacky to me. But then again I'm in California.

I was on a committee at a local high school for a couple of years. The kids at the school had to wear white, black, or grey. Nothing else was (or is) acceptable. This was because two rival gangs in the school had particular color schemes, and stuff could get bad if kids were wearing each group's wrong colors.

Even their shoelaces had to be black, grey, or white.

You clearly are in the wrong (or rather the right) part of California, then.

Gang colors are/were an issue in this part of the state, although our district's dress code has not been made as stringent as the high school Val was involved with.

I remember when certain CA school districts started banning pro sports apparel because gangs were using various teams as an identifier.

And I remember thinking... sure, the Raiders, gangs, that's obvious. But the Cleveland Browns? Really??

When we were children public primary schools didn't have uniforms but intermediates and high schools did. Now most primary schools do too. My son's school is one of the exceptions and a proposed uniform was defeated in a vote last year. People say uniform is cheaper but we simply don't spend much on clothes compared to the uniform prices listed. And the shirts were ugly.

But OP did your son have a problem with the uniform or was it just you? It is not clear to me in your original post.

Sorry. It's me. I don't like the restriction. My DS isn't so artistically inclined and is more than happy to have me put him in whatever isn't too tight, too loose, too itchy, too heavy, too.... (you get the picture).

That's a good point, and when I taught in a different big city there were strict dress code rules, but the kids just kept finding ways around them, like wearing medical masks of all things, etc. They kept adapting the rules, and the kids would adapt around them, over and over. But most of the articles I've read never mention gangs, just that idea of a haircut or streak of color being a "distraction." Maybe the schools don't want to dwell on the gang problem publicly!

Our schools are quite blunt about it. The dress codes that I've seen (several) all say "No gang colors." Don't know about schools outside the Bay area.

white button down and plaid skirt everyday, rinse, repeat.

Personally, I think that the uniform is the great leveler. It makes things way simpler for the parents - most of whom are both working full time jobs. And it removes the competitiveness around wearing the latest designer/expensive whatever's which tends to unfairly stigmatize kids from low SES families.

I am 100 percent in favour myself.

This has nothing to do with gangs, and says nothing about the kids whatsoever. It only speaks to the level to which the people quoted feel the need to exercise control.

When my dd went to public school, and didn't wear a uniform, there were several times I overheard a teacher praising how "cute" one of the girls was dressed. It floored me every time. So wrong, for so many reasons.

Dude, that's how I tend to feel, too. I understand in some places it might be a very real safety issue, and I want kids to feel safe so they can learn, but otherwise I feel kids deserve to express themselves as they like. I think uniforms can be great, it's that random mide ground of controlling kids' very bodies that irks me.

That is the other reason that is quoted as well is as it is cheaper in the long run. My personal experience is that old ill-fitting uniforms are more obvious than the mix of second hand, cheap stuff and occasional splurge sale item that most poor kids i know wear. Also when i was a teenager i only had two shirts which meant one of them often had to be worn several days in a row.

They are cheaper IF you usually buy new, full price clothes and name brands.

They are a leveller IF everyone can afford sufficient, well fitting, new or second hand items.

I am dying for the spiky hair interferes with concentration argument to be spelled out!

St. Margaret, I've always felt that it was important to let children express themselves however they wanted to - I'm a semi-artsy person myself, and a definite non-conformist. When my dd was little, she was all about fashion - and she had her own very unique (and definitely identifiable lol) style. She was so into fashion that when we offered her the chance to change schools to the school her brother was switching to she refused not only because she would miss her friends, but because the school required students to wear a uniform. She was heard frequently throughout that first year ds was at the school shouting as loudly as she could at the universe that she would NEVER ever go to a school that told you what to wear. Well, guess what? My absolutely by-the-farthest most individualistic child with the most wildly creative imagination and her own very definitely *hers* fashion sense, my child most likely to become a fashion designer when she grows up.... is now wearing a school uniform every day because she saw how cool her brother's school was and said who the heck *cares* what they tell you to wear if you're learning interesting things while you're there. And the thing is - imagination goes wild at this school, the kids and teachers are passionate, and it's all about the individual. i used to think uniforms were silly, now I just basically don't even notice them because whether or not you have to dress the same as the other kids really doesn't force conformity on anyone and doesn't surpress individuality in the slightest.

polarbear

Having attended schools with and without uniforms, I preferred the uniform. It really does break down barriers between social groups and promote a sense of community to have students dressed similarly. The uniform becomes an outward symbol of pride in membership when the school has some higher cause than aesthetics that links the students.

My kids go to public school with a uniform code but not actual uniforms you have to buy specific from a certain retailer. In our case they aren't any more expensive than buying other clothes. Polo style shirts in white or navy for the whole county and then each school can add its school colors for polo shirts. So each child has 4 colors of polo shirts to wear. Then navy or khaki pants, shorts, skorts, skirts or jumpers. Plus navy jeans (pants, shorts, skirts or skorts) as long as they are not ripped or faded are allowed. Skirts and skorts have to be the right length too. Styles of pants are okay...like cargo is fine.

Sock colors are not regulated. Most kids wear white, navy or black socks but some kids wear wild socks for fun. Outerwear is not regulated other than it can't advertise cigarettes or alcohol.

I love the uniform. I have the uniform love! Makes laundry and mornings so easy. Now if my youngest son would stop growing through 3 sizes in one year we would be all set.

That's good to know, polarbear!

(hug to you)

This old Wendy's restaurant commercial sums up how I feel about "being uniform".

My DS's school uniform keeps me sane :-) - can't imagine what mornings would be like if he had to make decisions about what to wear or I had to supervise them. Given the school's second hand shop and long school days so that he changes straight into pyjamas, it saves me money too. One thing I hadn't appreciated, though it's obvious with hindsight - why traditional uniform for boys his age involves shorts, even in the depths of Scottish winter. Of course: doesn't matter nearly so much when he grows, and when he falls over, he damages only his (self-repairing) skin!

Does leave me giggling at earnest parenting debates about what you should do when your child wants to wear something season-inappropriate, like shorts in winter, though!