Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What would you do if you were me ?

Polarbear is totally correct here.

DeeDee

Yes i totally agree too , and we're not going to let it just go pretend like there is nothing happening , if there is actually a problem underneath it all .
DH will start at a new job next month where the therapist that we've met before is under the insurance , so we're planning to take DS over there . Although from meeting us and DS once , the therapist sees nothing . But we're going to bring DS there still .
She's not under our current insurance right now unfortunately

Then they've designed it completely wrong.

master of none ,

i agree with all you're saying . That behavior is never accepted in our household either .

I just picked him up from school plus detention , he explained to me what was wrong . And i also told him that he cannot do that , i already knew why he chose this behavior , he's angry , he's frustrated . I still told him , even how angry how frustrated he gets , he still can't do things he did . He doesn't do things like that at home , what makes him think he can do that at school ?

He's like us , adults , when we get frutsrated , bottled up everything until you had enough enough and enough , you don't care about it anymore . You scream , you shout , you slam the book , you slam your door .. out of frustration . I am sure all of us had this kind of thing at one point in our life time . I am not excusing his behavior .. i know he needs to control his emotion , his anger ..

Homeschool is also not because we're trying to escaping the stuff from school . Even before this , we've thought about homeschool seems like it's better choice because you get your own pace , you can learn things that interest you the most and you don't spend time on waiting and not learning anything new .

On top of that with all the stress the school brings to our household , how unhappy our DS becomes and that makes us unhappy also ! .. what would you do ? Would you just keeping him in the school for 3rd grade , and repeat the whole scenario again ?

I have little part of me that think hey 3rd grade at school might be different , but what if it's not .. why would i let him be suffer and lose my happy kid ?

Last night DS said he really doesn't want to go to school today . He was really crushed when I got him out from school after the afternoon detention . He was scared that I'd get mad but I said I've heard everything n I'll listen from his side too . Pretty much what I've heard from school anyway . Then that evening he saud that he really wants to stay out of trouble ..but he feels like with everything going on at school it really makes him feel he doesn't belong there . He said everynight before sleeps he prays that tomorrow will be a better day so that he can make himself proud n his parents proud . And he thinks about it everynight after we tuck him in . But he also said he feels like as a family ..we're getting further away from each other too . Mom isn't as closed with him anymore n dad isn't either ..and it's all because of school matters. He was teary when he said this but trying hard to hold back the tears . He said he gets in trouble at school ..then coming home ..his parents mad n not happy with him and then he gets grounded ..the next day it'll be the same again if he gets into another trouble . And he said the cycle keeps going n it never ends .

I am not a perfect parents ..far from it . But I do love my son .. n I don't want him to get hurt . I want him to learn to make a better decision ..better choice . He is a good kid ..he's not some spoiled uncontrolleable little brat . I might not be making all the right choice either by getting mad at him when he gets in trouble from school . We miss each other being happy ..it seems like our life is full of anger ..stress ..frustration because of school trouble . And the trouble is like talking when he's not supposed to ..playing with materials .. goofing off ..throwing jokes ... loud burping noise ..fascination with the word fart .. spilling water on the floor ...walking backwards in the hallway ..playing on the swing laying on his tummy .I understand these are little things that pile up n I know its not good . But even if losing recess n giving him detention or suspension don't work ..as a school can they figure out something rlse ? They had a whole year to try different things ..but seems like they're sticking to things that don't work n as a result DS gets so stressful ..he's only 8 . 8 years old shouldn't know the stressful feeling ..they're supposed to be having fun n happy .

This seems like a no-brainer to me. I think homeschooling could be a great option.

I know it's not in the usual style of this board, but may I send you and your DS a virtual {{{{hug}}}}?

It's clear your DS has behaviour challenges, and that you know he does. But it doesn't sound as though either of you have any confidence in the school's ability or willingness to help, so it's hard to see how leaving him in this school next year is going to help.

I think in your place (to go to the title of the thread) I'd homeschool, with the idea that this was a one-year plan in the first instance. I'd use as much time as necessary over the summer and into the autumn for deschooling. I'd set up therapy for DS and some kind of group events/classes where he has a chance to practise being with other children under adult authority but with less stress than school. I'd hope that by Christmas everyone would be feeling better, and that DS would have rediscovered his confidence and enjoyment of learning, and would hold off making a decision about what to do in the following year until then, if at all possible.

Sounds like you are terribly conflicted. I usually approach behavior issues imagining this as something happening to another kid (and not my own). This gives me a chance to look at it more dispassionately. I then try and switch gears and see what does work (behavior wise) for my child.

Given the history of this school year, I would not be too hopeful about the next school year. Are there other schools available in your school district ? Do you think other districts in your county make work better ? If you still want to give it a try, you could see how he does for 3rd grade and pull out, if he does not adjust well.

At some point, if you see him in a school environment, you should facilitate giving him tools to be ready (not academically, but things like keeping hands to oneself, approaching the teacher to talk, or even just stay quiet till a moment is available to talk to the teacher). What has his current school offered him, in terms of support ? I also don't remember -- but does he have a 504 or an IEP ? Some schools have social skills classes -- they are for anyone who needs help (does not need a 504 or IEP) -- see if this is offered and if he can attend even if he ends up being homeschooled.

Re the slamming down the book and shouting. You said he doesn't behave like this at home. But at home he probably doesn't need to. If everything was too much he could go to his room to calm down or sort it out with you. If I were very frustrated at work I would probably go to the toilet or for a walk round the carpark then come back and deal with it. He doesn't have that advantage and he has more problems than many kids. Do they give detentions to kids who have trouble reading or do they give them extra help to learn?

I am pretty sure they don't give detentions to kids with reading problems , as far as i know they do help them to learn .

I am not saying what he did at school is acceptable , it is not acceptable . So we did tell DS , when you are angry and feeling that it's not fair , anything that makes you feeling angry , just count to 20 or as many as you need , then take a deep breath and go to your happy place . If it's your bedroom then imagine you're in your bedroom etc . I told him he can't just do what he did , because that behavior is unacceptable . He understood that it is unacceptable , he mentioned he's very tired and very frustrated with all the things going on .

Please , let me ask you something too .

How normal is it to give consequences a day after it happened ? For example , DS had to move his clip 2 times on friday , and on monday , he had to pay for it , his consequences for what he did 2 days ago , he lost his recess and had to sit by the wall . We also have discussed this with the asst.principal , she agreed to give the consequences the same day , right away and the type of consequences is not just sitting by the wall but would rather him running laps . Obviously they can't be consistent with it .

How normal is it for school giving the consequences a day after it happened or if it falls on the weekend then the consequences has to be delayed until the weekend is over ? Wonder if all school does this kind of punishments ?