Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What would you do if you were me ?

Howlerkarma ,

that might help , i just want him to end the school year with a slightly happy note , even though it has been a hard year . I'll tell him to hang in there and follow your suggestion . thanks !

jaylivg,

I'll second/third/fourth the other replies suggesting technically leaving him in school for the next two weeks but giving him generous time off as needed. OTOH, if you feel that the general lack-of-routine that happens at many schools during those last two weeks will make things even worse at school for your ds, I'd officially withdraw him today. I don't know the policy at your district, but you can find out by calling your district office or looking on your district website - there's a way to do it.


Although I agree that you need to change the school situation your ds is currently in, I think there are a few things that might be beneficial to not rushing to homeschool but instead think through your other b&m options. Please know, I'm very supportive of homeschooling and have known many homeschool parents and children who have been very successful at it. What I'd look into in your situation (based on what you've posted about your ds): in spite of all the ridiculousness that is going on at the school he's currently enrolled in, underneath it all, it sounds like your ds has some challenges with social interactions with other children. It might all be related to giftedness and lack of challenge (and certainly there are obvious stressors at his current school). But if there is anything else that is a true challenge in understanding or relating to his peers or in handling himself in stressful situations, those are things that aren't going to go away with homeschooling, but instead homeschooling will give you an opportunity to bypass them for a few years without working on the issue. So my once suggestion is to really think through - was it *all* the school or is there something more going on? And if there is something more, try to figure it out and work on that at the same time you are homeschooling.


It sounds like you've changed schools several times due to relocating (forgive me if I've mixed you up with someone else). Clearly you're in a school that is dealing with your ds in a way that would drive most kids totally off the cliff... but fwiw, *if* there is something else going on other than just a ridiculous school situation, it's not unusual for children with challenges to have them start showing up in school around 2nd grade time frame.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Polarbear ,

thank you , sometimes i do think he has problems with socializing with his peers. For example , he doesn't know when to filter it . He thinks he's being honest but actually he's hurting their feelings . We try to teach him , and keep telling him , he needs to respect others if he wants to be respected , always treat others the way you want to be treated .

We have neighbourhood friends , and he plays and interacting well with them . His problems most of the time are the talking , and arguing with his teacher . We even told him that those things isn't going to get him anywhere .

We took him to a therapist back in April , but according to the therapist , it is the school that drives him nuts . The therapist can see it from the daily communication card that the teacher just dislikes him so much . She doesn't suggest us to come back again the next time for a follow up . Maybe i should , maybe DS needs to work on some of his arguing problem with the therapist ?

I feel like i am such a bad parent when the teacher sent home note saying DS this DS that .. moved his clips to this and that and will lose recess the next day or detention or inside school suspension . Trust me it is not a good feeling when school complains about DS' behavior . Despite his good grades , now DS thinks he shouldn't take his grade seriously because he said " why should i keep my grade up , i won't get honor roll anyway because of my behavior "

I'd ask the therapist about group therapy with other kids his age. It's been a massive help to my son. The boys get together once a week and the therapist gives them a task or a problem to solve. They then have to work together to accomplish it. He helps supervise and re-direct where necessary. It's basically a mini-version of what happens at school, but under the direct guidance of a trained professional who can step in and help the kids understand why the other child is frustrated, or why do they feel anxious, or whatever.

Wow, we're going through the same thing right now! DS hates school, isn't learning anything, and doesn't fit it. We have decided to homeschool him next year, and are trying to figure out when to pull him out of school. Here are some of my own pros and cons for pulling him out before the end of the school year.

Pros:
-An end to the daily struggle of getting DS to school
-We can start deschooling right away
-No more calls from the principal
-DS will no longer be angry at me for taking him to school
-DS will be happier, which will translate to the entire family being happier

Cons:
-DS has an IEP that won't be in effect in the fall if we pull him out now (i.e. we'd have to start over)
-Missing some end-of-the-year fun
-Risk not getting the grade acceleration the school has talked about (but not yet put in writing) (although if we are homeschooling next year this and the IEP point are probably moot)
-Will miss seeing one or two friends he doesn't see outside of school
-Younger sister may be envious

We have 20+ school days left, so it's not so easy to just "get through it." We're considering taking a lot of days off in the next month. DS will go to school on testing days (he loves the tests, go figure!), and can skip a day or two a week until the end of the year.

Assuming we do this (and don't just get fed up and quit next week!), we still will need to decide if we want to give school a shot in the fall. But hey, that's months away!

jaylivg, I hope I didn't add to your hurt by what I said - I didn't mean to! I so totally understand how it feels to have teachers send home that type of note - I've been in similar situations with two of my children and it's really *really* tough on you as a parent emotionally (not to mention how our kids are feeling). It took me quite a few years before I finally started trusting my own instincts about my children and before I was able to not let teacher's comments get to me.

Hang in there, and trust your instincts... no matter what any of us tell you

Best wishes,

polarbear

ps - I'll second Amy's suggestion

Are you sure it won't still be in effect? We pulled our ds out of public school to switch to private, but his IEP didn't expire until the actual "expiration date" on it - and his eligibility didn't expire until the same time it would have had he stayed in public school. We have opted to have him go through his three-year eligibility review to keep the IEP active (if he still qualifies), and even though we don't have services in place at the moment, our ds' private school honors the accommodations ds has through his IEP. It's possible this is different than what would happen for a Gifted IEP (ds is 2e, and his IEP addresses his disability)... but it's worth checking into rather than assuming the IEP would just go away completely and you'd have to start at square one when you return to public school.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Absolutely...that.

I've learned my parental instincts are right 95% of the time. I've cussed myself numerous times for not following them as well.

I'm not 100% sure, but I've been told by others in our state that this is what would happen if we pull out of public school. I will definitely check before we do anything official. Again, since we're planning on homeschooling, this isn't a huge deal, but just another point to consider just in case.

We have 3 more weeks of school , and hoping that the next 3 days will be at least a decent one . Not expecting to be perfect weeks , that's asking too much . Just decent ..

But well what do i know ..

The school called , and wanting to give him an after school detention . It's not like they're asking my permission to do it , they'll do it either way anyway .

The problem is , this morning DS was in the reading group , and this other boy kept reading when it was DS' turn . Instead of telling the boy or the teacher it is my turn , he chose to cover up the book of that other boy . As a result , the other boy did the same to DS and DS got sent to his seat .

Frustrated , he was angry , he slammed the book to his desk and shouting . Then off to the special i think it was computer , he pushed the same boy , not knocking him down but it is considered not keeping hands to himself .

And when school called i told school i knew , he's had enough already because he felt like even if he's raising his hand telling teacher , he'll be dismissed anyway , like many other times . So what's the point when doing the right thing is still considered the wrong thing . He could care less about it anymore . I am not saying what he did was right .. no , it was wrong . The school wants to give him detention because all this small little things piling up , such as talking , making noises plus not keeping hands to self .. but she told me , the reason of the detention is because of his reaction .. which is slamming the book and shouting .

The school isn't convinced about what i told them , they said they'll have their counselor talkked with DS . Couple hours later school called again and said , you are right , he is very frustrated .

Of course i am right , i know my son . We even talked about school last night during dinner . DS felt very frustrated , very stressful . To make sure he knows what he's talking about .. i asked do you know what stressful means ? DS said said yes , i do , i am feeling miserable , sad , angry , but i can't do anything about it . DS said to me , he no longer excited waking up in the morning to go to school , he's excited to see his friends , but he's not even excited about the learning things , new things ( if there is any !! ) , not excited about seeing his teacher .. he's just like yeah whatever .. i'll go to school cos you're taking me to school mom .

I am sad for him , i am .. a child shouldn't have any of this kind of experience , school is supposed to be fun learning environment . Not a place to crush a child's spirit into nothing !!!