Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Peer mentoring successes

DS happens to be very tall and rather athletic, so he will not be one of these tiny kids who seems young. He isn't young, in fact--he's a winter bday.

I have indeed heard that peer mentoring is great, etc etc. I should look up those studies. I tend to agree that it seems like it probably works when ability differentials are relatively small. I can't see how much DS is learning academically by saying, "No, this is an A." Socioemotionally, possibly, but it seems like there are some real Achilles heel possibilities.

All the schools here have "buddy" programs where the older grades pair up with a younger class, usually one lesson per week or fortnight. It's clearly got lots of benefits socially and kids of both ages love it. But I don't see the school arguing it's for the older children's academic learning benefit.

Oh yep, Mo3, DD's class has 'buddy readers' where kids from a higher grade come to read to them. And DD reads better than her buddy

Our buddies lessons are usually spent on craft or projects...

Ha--yeah. We had that when DD was in K. She read better than her buddy, too.

DS is having a surprisingly good experience right now (first grade) under somewhat different conditions. A new child recently joined the class without a word of English - he now has an aide but for the first few days the teacher was using Google Translate. DS clicked with him so the teacher paired them up. Now they are both given extra leniency in moving around and talking, DS is stretched by learning a bit of Spanish, and the teacher is also giving him extra privileges (like iPad time to pursue his own interests) as a reward.

But... I do remember feeling a lot of anxiety, at this age, about working with other kids and what I should do if they didn't understand. I think you are right to make sure there are limits set and your DS is learning at his own level, not just patiently working with agemates.

I'm in a funk about this. Teachers likely don't realize the impact their brief conversations can have at times. DS's preschool teacher was sort of chipper and cute about "Oh, you can't possibly put him in K! He's just so far ahead! Ha ha ha! It's ridiculous! What are you going to DO with him??" Even when I said, "Well, he will hopefully be in this K/1 split," she shoook her head and said, "I don't think that's going to be enough! You need to think about homeschooling!" But not in a doom and gloom way. I think she finds him adorably precocious, which he is, but it's big, to say those things to a parent, when you've had the child as a student every day all year. I didn't initiate this conversation at all, which makes it worse.

I'm just terribly worried about him. I suck as an advocate in the schools. I am not naturally assertive and realistically, DS is not a squeaky wheel. I love my job and have no desire to homeschool him. My poor kiddo.

Ultra, here's what I think. The worry is at this point unnecessary. You've got this nice, well-adjusted little guy who's way ahead. Do I remember right that he is mostly not miserable at school, and not feeling an intrinsic need to race ahead?

Honestly, our DS10 got no "academic curriculum" that was new to him during his first few years of school, but he was learning and growing in other ways. He did a ton of advanced reading about things he loved outside of school, and a ton of learning how to participate, make friends and be a friend etc. in school. Those early grades are heavy on math and reading, but they are also heavy on play skills, handwriting, and other soft skills that are worth having.

This forum is awesome, but there is a prevailing tendency to feel that the child must be pushed to his/her limit on academics, or there's something wrong. I don't know that that's true in all cases. It is IMO okay to watch the whole picture of what your child is learning, judge whether they're learning in the big picture sense, and decide not to pursue the perfect academic fit for a while.

If a child is becoming depressed and frustrated, or isn't learning (in the big picture sense), then you can push for and make a change. If the K-1 split isn't a good fit, trust that you will notice, and trust yourself to determine better options when they're needed.

DeeDee

No, unfortunately...this is not the case. He seemed fine for about the first half of the year, and then things fell apart. It has been a struggle to get him to school every single day for months,with attendant tears on many occasions. His complaints are that it is boring, that it's too easy, that he has to do the same things every day, and that he never learns anything. The teachers have actually tried their best to give him some additional/different work (harder puzzles, some K worksheets; they write instructions for him instead of giving them orally, and have given him some other tasks in the classrtom to help with, I think). He is allowed to bring in books from home to read. He has friends and likes playground and center time, but he does not like going to school and is very vocal about it. He remains well-behaved, so that is thankfully not an issue. I after-school him some and he likes that.

My feelings about DS and school have done a total about-face this school year. I was not worried about school for him really at all earlier in the year, because he is such a tractable and cheerful little dude and is also very social. Now I have seen that he can really become...depressed by school. He is actually doing worse in this school than DD ever was in the school we pulled her out of. He seems fine on the weekends and when out of school. It's clearly school-related and really, really different than anything we have gone through with his sister, where it's always been "Is it school? Oh, hell...who knows?"

Very late here, but I think this is worth emphasis. DD has loved being a math tutor.

On the other hand, I also think that the reason for that is that it is in a clearly defined instructional space-- NOT as a part of peer interactions within a regular class where both student and tutor are currently enrolled.

That would make me uneasy with the practice.

It always makes DD uneasy, too-- and she's had a number of teachers use her work as "examples" for the rest of the class, which she most emphatically does NOT enjoy, even when it is done anonymously. It makes her very uncomfortable.