Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Helping DD9 deal with loss of nature

DD9 is about to witness several wild, weedy acres near our house be destroyed and built upon. I've hiked there with her many times discovering neat critters, rocks, and fossils. We even named a small hill after a tarantula we found there.

We've known about the contruction for some time, but recently the electric "EXPECT DELAYS" signs appeared, and DD instantly knew what they were for and was distressed.

Because DD has been having a lot of other issues in school with anxiety, my DW admonished me not to bring this up. The idea is to let DD bring it up (or supress it) because maybe she just can't handle it right now.

But I know how deeply DD feels this. She thinks about the dying and displaced animals. In about six days she is going to see the first bulldozers at work.

My impulse was to take DD out there one last time and say goodbye. Maybe bring a message to bury out there, or take one last souvenir rock.

Perhaps that act will bring her some closure, and help her deal with the reality that is coming. Maybe it will help her less now but more later when she revisits this.

It's hard to know what to do in these cases. I remember feeling and experiencing things as a child that were just too much for me to confront head-on until many years later. I can't underestimate how deeply she feels this so maybe I should just let her cope in her own way?

I would tend to go with your gut on helping her through it in some way...but I would also look for a new area to explore.

I would talk to her about it ahead of time, and also share any sad feelings you may have about it. We went through something very similar - we live in an area with larger lots and for most of my kids' early years the lot next to us was vacant and full of trees. All of the neighborhood kids loved to play there and my kids have many fond memories of forts they built, bugs they found, games they played there etc. Then a few summers ago the lot was sold and a house was built on it - not just any house, but a house that took up the entire lot and was built by people who had very little concern about leaving as many trees as possible. We knew that it would happen for several months prior the trees being taken down, and my kids all felt very sad and upset about it. Waiting for it to happen only made them more sad (me too!). The day the trees came down was horrible for me to listen to, and I am forever grateful it happened while my children were in school, because the cracking noise of the trees breaking and the noise of the bulldozer moving were all loud enough to hear through the walls of our house.

Anyway, I think the way we handled it worked as best as can be. Our youngest dd was probably 5 at the time, and she was very very upset about it happening. So the morning that we knew the trees would go down, we walked through the lot with the kids, and we talked about how it would be sad but that we would always remember it. Then I had my youngest dd (who was in tears), pick out a new "favorite tree" in our yard to be her special tree, and I took her picture next to the tree. I also took her picture next to a tree that was going to be cut down that she was particularly upset about. When she was sad about the trees being cut, she would take out the pictures and look at them - that didn't last for a long time, but she did it a lot the first week and then a few times over the next few months.

My ds was also very upset, but he was a little older. He kept a piece of bark from one of the trees after they were cut down, and he spent some time on his own walking through the lot and checking things out each day when he came home from school for a few weeks. There was something different that had changed each day for awhile, and he was able to deal with his feelings by just tracking those changes. Later on when the house went up, we were also able to get our younger dd focused on the interesting parts of seeing what was new being put into place and that helped take her focus off of what was lost.

I think saying goodbye is a really good idea, and letting her take a souvenir to keep as a physical reminder is also a good idea. If you have time, or if your dd would enjoy it, another thing you could perhaps do together is to create a small scrapbook or write a short story about your hikes there that she can keep to help remember, and then focus also on finding new hikes to explore.

polarbear

I don't have much good advice other than what is already on offer. Perhaps you could get have her send some money to a group that preserves wildlands, such as the Nature Conservancy? But oh, I sympathize. I went through some similar incidents as a child and they were tremendously sad for me. My DD would be very upset.

Also wanted to add - your dd is a little young yet to read the actual book, but if you haven't ever seen it you might think about finding a copy of "A Sense of Wonder" by Rachel Carson. It's a wonderful book that your dd may treasure as she grows older, and right now, even though she's very young, you both might enjoy looking at the pictures together - they are beautiful, and they might help to reinforce for her that even though she's losing one place that she loves, there are still many beautiful places in nature throughout the world, and many people who care very much about preserving them.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Thanks all! I am going to gently approach her about this, sharing my own feelings, and ask if she wants to come along.

@polarbear - thanks for the tip on the book. It sounds great.

I will update this thread soon with the results.

Pru my eyes are tearing up as I read your post. My DD10 would be DEVASTATED by something like this. Poor kiddo... give her a hug for me.