Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I was chastised by the principal today

Oh, I don't consider that "passive-aggressive" so much as....

using the other party's clearly preferred communication style.



I'm simply being an effective communicator, see. Trying to be helpful. In a way that makes sense to the other person and feels "comfortable." Yup. That's me. Being all understanding.

Yes, the original issue wouldn't worry me too much. DD was obsessed with Dreambox when we first got it, too, and played so much it was kind of horrifying to see the hours listed on the parent dashboard. But it tapered off and now it's a good educational thing for her to do during quiet time maybe once or twice a week. It was just so new and shiny. And it was the first step into what is now a huge math obsession with a ton of progress in a year, so I feel fine about the screen time!

Eibbed, I would let this drop. You'll need to save your advocacy for other more important battles.

I may be totally off here, but I think there may be a different slant to what happened and the intent behind the principal's remark. I think you mentioned in your email a concern with amount of screen time in relation to Dreambox. I think that the school staff may view that as a parent's issue, not their issue. They are curriculum experts (or supposed to be), so I wouldn't expect an off reaction to you asking for additional tools and resources, but if the request comes with an angle of you needing something different partly because your ds is spending too much time on the computer, I can see that a teacher is going to see the total time on the computer as the parent's issue, not their issue, particularly when you're talking about enrichment.

I also think that your mention of not knowing what you'll do with him in a few years based on how rapidly he's working through Dreambox might be interpreted as an overzealous parent. Please know I'm not saying you *are* an overzealous parent, just saying it might be interpreted that way. My kids used Dreambox and it was offered for enrichment at our elementary school to, and unless it's changed much in recent years it is easy for a capable child to whip through grade levels and skill sets. Please know I'm not in any way saying your ds isn't ahead and he isn't going to need challenge in school - obviously he does. I just feel, from what I've seen of it, that it's not necessarily a great way to demonstrate that need to school and it takes a bit of supervision at home if you really do want to rely on it for mastering curriculum.

Lastly, I wouldn't take the comment about getting your ds outdoors personally, especially since you're not sure of the context behind it. Maybe it was just a beautiful spring day outside and the principal was making small talk with a parent and that's really all it was.

Knowing when and what to say when advocating, as well as when and when not to respond is such a tough line to walk (or at least it was for me). There are so many times when you just have no idea what the other person is really thinking or what conversations go on behind the scenes between school staff.

But in any case, I'd just drop it this time. I think if you follow-up, you're just setting yourself up for more confusing conversations that might worry you. And I suspect that in the principal's day, it was one small conversation. Perhaps he's not seeing you in the way that you deserve to be seen, but I'm guessing you'll have lots more opportunities to interact as you advocate, so you'll have another chance

Best wishes,

polarbear

Ha ! Totally love this

polarbear - I wasn't asking them to help me limit my son's screen time. I was actually asking for a recommendation for another math program that I could just substitute for DreamBox occasionally. His comment was that I didn't need another program I needed to make him go play. There has yet to be an actual response to my email and I don't really expect one at this point.

The comment about what we were going to do with him in the coming years was an attempt to get them to look at what he had been doing. This program was offered to appease me but I also see it as something that they could look at a little more objectively than they do what I tell them. I think that DreamBox has many holes in what it calls it's curriculum. I don't see it as a full substitute for math instruction but that his progress might get them to take me and DS a little more seriously.

He definitely meant that DS should stop playing DreamBox and play outside. I'm trying to remember the weather we had at the beginning of the week, specifically Monday, since that is the day he referenced, but I can't. We've had a decent day or two lately and every one of those he has spent at least an hour outside prior to even thinking about playing DreamBox. That comment might have been a little more innocent than I took it but I am not totally convinced especially after the last P/T conference involving him.

It's over now. I'm not bringing it up again on my own but I will respond, politely, to any such comments in the future. What an active minefield getting your child an appropriate education is turning out to be!

Thanks for your comments I like getting a chance to see other perspectives.