Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Need IEP advice--school refuseing since gifted

Hello, I am new to these boards. I really need some advice! I apologize for the length of this post.

I have a highly gifted seven-year-old who also has ADHD and Aspergers. He is having a few social problems in school, nothing major, but the school is just suspending him left and right. He is not violent, for instance the last suspension was for an "inappropriate dance". He is psychologically traumatized by the suspensions, but the assistant principal is out to get him--this is not just our opinion, but also the opinion of his psychologist and the independent observer who visited the school for his last evaluation. The observer said the assistant principal was "hostile and militant" towards our son.

We entered the process of formally requesting an IEP, and the principal said that we have no basis for an IEP since our child is so very gifted. We made a plan, which was supposed to include an administrator working with him on a decision tree and a logical consequence such as a loss of a privilege. The psychologist told the administrators that a suspension is only punitive, not corrective for our son, and is emotionally very harmful. After this second meeting, which we left trying to have faith in the school to work with him, he was suspended again. He has the emotional maturity of a four-year old, but this administrator just started this year after years as a middle school teacher, I think she is treating him like a middle schooler because that is what his academic ability is. They don't seem to understand him at all. The principal apparently will back the assistant principal at any cost to our son. He is horribly traumatized after the suspensions and has even had a suicide attempt.

Can someone please talk to me about getting IEPs for emotional reasons even though the child is gifted? We live in NC and I understand that we should be able to get academic accommodations in the IEP as well, he is amazingly advanced in math, ready for algebra, but they are making him do simple additon. He is so frustrated and now doesn't want to go to school at all. I am in knots waiting for the next suspension.

Also, my son attends a charter school, I am very confused about how the IEP process should actually go at a charter school. I don't think the administrators even necessarily know what they are doing.

We are trying to get an attorney but everything has been on hold because of the holidays. Hopefully I will get in touch with someone next week.

Thanks so much in advance!

If you haven't been there yet, you need to go to Wrightslaw and spend some time learning the mandated timelines for an IEP. Did you request it in writing? Was the principal's response in writing?

The suicide attempt would switch me into full mama-bear emergency mode, and my child would be out of school until the situation was adequately addressed. Have you involved his pediatrician at all? Is there another school that would be an option for him? It sounds like the well may be irretrievably poisoned at this one.

Hi,

You've gotten really good advice already. But just for your information, a charter school in NC (which is a public school with Federal funding) is accountable to all state and federal laws. The DPI (http://www.dpi.state.nc.us/) is your first source for state laws and procedures, and each charter school in the state has an assigned DPI consultant. That being said, if my son was unsafe and was being traumatized by adults at a school, I would leave that school if at all possible. Maybe you're in a situation where it's not possible... but if you can keep him home at least until the situation is resolved, perhaps you could consider doing that.

Absolutely, if you haven't already been there, take a look at wrightslaw.org and if at all possible, find a copy of their books (From Emotions to Advocacy and there's a second book that is an overview of how to approach the IEP eligibility process.. I can't remember the name of it at the moment). You should also look at the links on the wrightslaw yellow pages and see if there are any resources for either advocates or legal advice in your area - we have two groups where we live that are funded by Federal $ that help in situations like this, one has parent advocates who will answer questions and guide you through the eligibility process (including accompanying you to school meetings) and the other provides legal advice to people with disabilities. Both are *free*. You might or might not have similar groups available where you live, but definitely look and see if there are any resources - the advice we received from these groups was what helped us the most in getting an IEP for our 2e ds.

You need to do what I mentioned above no matter whether or not you leave your ds in his current school situation.

My next piece of advice is of course said without knowing anything about why you picked your ds' current school, so take that into account. FWIW, I'd take him *out* of the school he's in *immediately*. You mentioned it's a charter school, so he must have at the very least a neighborhood school he can attend instead. Please know we've been in a very *very* similar situation (although our ds has a different 2e challenge). We had ds enrolled in an optional school program that we thought was *the* ideal place to have a highly gifted child, as well as a program that we thought had some really *really* great reasons to be in outside of simply the academics. I really really wanted that program to work for our family because *I* loved the idea of it. When our ds was diagnosed in 2nd grade his anxiety was sooooo huge that he was having panic attacks at home (as well as at school) and according to his neuropaychologist he was on the verge of being clinically depressed. Our neuropsychologist, among her many recommendations for accommodations and remediations for ds' disability told us that we should take him out of the school immediately and suggested alternatives - and told us that honestly *any* alternative would be better than the school situation he was in. We still loved the school (or at least the idea of the school) so we switched teachers instead of schools, thinking that would be enough, and it did help temporarily and tremendously. So we thought we were good. Then we entered the whole process of trying to get an IEP and get help for our ds and it was absolutely a living nightmare. The school fought us all the way, but they couldn't ultimately say no because our ds qualified for an IEP and had a clear need under SLD. We would *never* have gotten that IEP without a ton of advocacy/fighting/etc and it literally consumed my life for over two years. I thought once we had that IEP things would be better, but the reality is our ds *still* was in the same school with the same teachers and administrators who didn't think he a) deserved to have an IEP because he had such a high IQ, b) who continued to try to tell us all the reasons he didn't need an IEP and continued to try to blame him for the impacts of his disability, and c) didn't follow through on the accommodations and help that were supposed to be provided by his IEP.

While all that was going on, our ds was also not receiving any type of differentiated instruction. Our ds is a quiet, basically submissive kid who was not complaining about any of that, and we didn't see it both because I was so caught up in always having to be advocating for something for him at school that wasn't happening, and because dealing with his disability in general took up so much focus and energy. When he was in 5th grade, he finally told us he was *done* with the school. He knew he had an IEP, he knew the school staff didn't want to help him and in addition to that he was bored to tears being in a regular ed classroom listening to lessons taught at what was a slow-poke speed for his intellectual ability. We consulted with our neuropsych again, and moved ds to a different school. The difference in school staff was like night and day - literally! The new school isn't ideal re academics, but it is soooo much different to be in a place where ds' disability isn't questioned, where parents are listened to with respect, and where the school staff clearly likes our ds. It's made all the difference in ds' life, as well as in my life.

So my advice is please please consider getting your ds out of his current school. Whether or not you are able to get an IEP you're not going to be able to fundamentally change the way the school staff feels about him, and spending time and $ on lawyers is time and $ that could have gone to other things that can help your ds. I'm also guessing that this isn't just about giftedness - if your ds *wasn't* gifted and even if he clearly was functioning way below grade level, I'm guessing the school staff at his school would still be fighting you tooth and nail. Just a guess, for sure, but it definitely sounds like your ds is in a school which is either not terribly concerned with or is purposely trying to dodge Federal Law re students with disabilities.

Sorry if that sounded harsh, I didn't mean it to at all. I just so wish I could have had someone tell that to *me* when my ds was 7.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I would add to the advice to take him out immediately. Hopefully your family can accommodate just homeschooling him (or unschooling). I am stunned about the feedback about that outside observer.

Charter schools can be great but I don't know much about them. In our area, in the nearby city (we are in the subburbs) there are a few with super reputations but others you hear horror stories.

When I took my DD out of school in K I had just read an article that said if you are spending more time, energy and resources trying to advocate for your child and not getting any cooperation you're better off putting that time, energy and resources into homeschooling.

Best of luck. Glad you found this site!

Yeah, that. Or finding another school.

My eldest is homeschooled after a very rough year last year. Now he's happy and learning and doing well. But homeschooling isn't for everyone for a variety of reasons. If it isn't an option for you, can you move your child to a new school?

I think you've had some good advice here. I especially like the advice to figure out what the law is (an attorney can do that for you, of course) and to write stuff down. Written records are very important. A person can say, "No, that's not what I said," but it's hard to say, "No, that's not what I wrote."

Good luck.

Writing things down was very useful to us in yet another way when we were dealing with our uncooperative school. They would often tell us things that they would *never* put down in writing because they were clearly things that were verging on not-exactly-legal... obviously we were never going to get those comments/etc in writing from the school. So what I did, after every meeting or conversation, was to follow-up with a summary email - brief, but stating what my understanding of what was said and agreed or decided upon and asking for the school team/staff member/whoever to respond if their understanding or interpretation was different. I think, in the OP's situation here I would be sure to start following up each suspension or other incident at school with an email just to be able to have something in writing with the OP's understanding of what happened and what the consequence at school was. Our school staff felt like they could say anything they wanted to to a parent, and that they could act in ways that were not exactly legal, but once things were put in writing the school became very different in how they acted and responded, most likely due to worries on the part of the school that the written word could be brought up in legal action.

We never considered taking our advocacy to the point of calling in a lawyer - I realized that would be the point at which it was too all-consuming for us, and that we would be sinking $ into it that I'd rather sink into private school or tutoring or whatever. We never ever considered legal action - but we did approach each situation at school from the perspective of holding the school accountable legally - does that make sense? The school never knew for sure that we *wouldn't* hire a lawyer, so by summarizing things in writing the school staff was prevented indirectly from pushing us around.

polarbear

Legal action, and at least initially involving an advocate to go through the process is absolutely fundamental. We have had similar issues. I never would have thought to get an advocate until my son was suspended and I knew he was so miserable in school, and after many punitive actions (he is gifted, and after I finally paid outside testing to figure out what was going on he was severe ADHD and PDD/Aspergers). And yes, you can have an IEP for emotional problems, and they would not be allowed to suspend if he has an IEP; and all I can say is GET AN ADVOCATE who knows the process. It cost me her time to attend 4 meetings (about $200 per meeting) and the county will now have to pay private school based on their inability to educate and meet my sons needs. The $800 in meetings is WELL WORTH the private tutition they will now pay.

I want to repeat! Do it, you may not even need the lawyer, just an educational advocate; they charge less than lawyers, but know all the legal processes.