Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy bubble bursting

As I rant, what I really want to get across is: your kids will always be weird, so help them be who they are!"
Aline [/quote]


How do I help my almost ten year old be who he is? How do I make sure he continues to feel good about himself when kids are starting to call him "gay" or "geek" in our sports obsessed small town. I thought I could shield him from some of this by homeschooling.

Hugs, Lori! You are already doing what you need to do. The acceptance of one's family is worth way more than that of some high school jocks.

A couple of things resonated with me, that a few people said, in response to aline's story. When you are at the top of the class, the "grown-ups" (having a preschooler keeps me in terms like these) around you expect you to behave well, good student is suppose to equate to good kid somehow.

I remember a friend told me that when her mother asked where and who she was going, that there was always lots of questions when it was another friend, but if she said "Ren" then there were no more questions. And she once told her mother that it was me who thought up all the crazy, stupid things they did.

Even the cops that raided my annual birthday party, just started coming by and said happy birthday while 300 underage drunk kids were partying. Drinking age was 18 back then...

But the theme is there, good student, good kid. I will not be so stupid with my child. Guidance, schymdance, -- two words: convent, Spain.

Ren

Gee Wren, even my anti-clerical grandmother encouraged the convent notion! Literary note: Hypocrite in a Poufy White Dress. And it's an NYC story -- every too-smart once a teenaged -girl should read it.
I've given up real sentences for the day -- don't tell the kids.

aline

I talked to my son about it. He says that it did bother him a little at first because he knows that it isn't just one or two kids that have this attitude toward smart, different kids like him and his friends. He says he thinks it is more like the whole town feels this way and he is probably right.

Right after he heard the comment, my son started talking about needing to finish middle school math and pre-algebra so he could start algebra. I wondered why he was talking about math when he doesn't like math as much as most other subjects. I think he was trying to show the kid that made the comment that it doesn't bother him when people say this kind of thing and that he is not going to hide his intelligence because he is proud to be a geek and he doesn't care what they think. But he knows that math ability is more respected than other academic subjects and that is why he wanted to talk about math, so that tells me that he does care a little about what people think.

I just worry about the future. I know that my daughter seemed more sensitive to what other people said about her when she started middle school and she fit in a lot better than my son would. She was a cheerleader. Also, one of my son's best friends who is four years older and gifted was verbally abused in middle school and once even physically attacked on a school bus.

My son does seem to have a lot of confidence most of the time but I worry that this might change over the next several years.

And yes, it probably does bother me more than it bothers him. But he does talk a lot about moving away to some place with more people like him and I wish I could do something to help him feel like he belongs here.

Lori H.

I'm so sorry that your son is going through this! YuK!!! My only, completely anecdotal, personal, response is to try to get him to understand that people only do that sort of thing when they are scared or threatened.

My other response -- and I've dragged kids into the hallways of public schools and spaces for this one, is that using geek or gay as an epithet rather than a simple descriptor or compliment is like swearing. It's done only because the person doesn't know how to express themselves well or accurately. Followed by a Q & A about what those terms actually mean.

As a kid, of course, I got beat up in the lunch line for the previous interventions.

It IS snotty and elitist, but it is the responsibility of folks like your child who actually CAN think these things through!