Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Starting to worry - perspective please

Hi,

All year I have been trying to get DS5's school to see him, know him, meet him where he is. This has not been incredibly successful. We have gotten a little bit but not where I think DS should be and I do think that I am viewed as "that parent". I keep thinking that there is something else that the school could/should be doing.

At the end of the last P/T conference, where they told me that even though DS5 did extremely good on the end 1st grade math test and into 2nd he had no actual understanding of math, the math coordinator offered me a subscription to DreamBox. DreamBox is an adaptive math curriculum program. DS loves to play it! I have been allowing/encouraging him partly because I know that they can follow his progress. I was hoping that they would start to see what I see. It's been going great and last night he started the 3rd grade curriculum. I was excited, he was proving himself, he was progressing, and then I freaked. If DS5 is progressing through, rather quickly at the moment, 3rd grade math in K where is that going to leave him next year and the year after, etc.

This started out as me wanting the best for DS. I felt everything was doable if they would just listen to me and put in a little effort. Last night reality set in and it scared me. What can reasonably be done for DS? Where will he be in a couple of years? Are there really any accommodations that will work for him? Will he have peers and age group friends or will he never really fit in anywhere? Do I stop him now so maybe this won't actually be such an issue? Am I doing him a dis-service by encouraging and facilitating him?

I just have so many questions and concerns now.

sounds familiar!
and what is it with teachers?
once upon a time, teachers became teachers b/c they LOVED to teach kids new things etc,

when my DS was in public kinder this past fall~
without ever actually taking time to do math with him- other than what the public K curric is- and without ever asking my DS to read to her etc,

the K teacher told me in a mtg, she said that just b/c DS had a few sight words memorized, and has a few math facts memorized- does not mean he can read or that he can do math.

forget that he has had the K sight word list down since age 3 or reads with full comprehension, able to retell in his own words and answer questions etc, and that he actually loves math story problems and learning new ways to add #s etc etc...
*
i'm going to look into this "dreambox" ? never heard of it before, is it a computer app? maybe my DS6 would enjoy it as well!

Homeschool!

What MON said.

I would not encourage you to become cynical about the school; as long as your DS is there, they are your partners in educating him and treating them as partners, with polite and honest communication, will be important. But also know that they may or may not, over time, become better able to see the gifts that are there. For us, things got radically better after they did their testing for the gifted program in 2nd grade. That was a long haul, waiting, but it did get better.

This is like driving a car: keep one eye on what's right in front of you in the near term (is your DS happy? happier when studying out of school, or happier playing? Getting enough of a balance of learning, exercise, and play?) and one eye looking further away into the distance, maybe 4-5 years out (what learning options exist in our community that DS might thrive in, and how do we pursue them? how do we set him up for those opportunities now, soon, and later?). Don't borrow trouble fretting about the distant future; just have an eye on it. Most of your effort will need to go into the near term; he's young yet.

Hang in there.

DeeDee

Eibbed- no advice, but can definitely empathize. My dh has been extremely worried about this. He has asked me if we are going to "make the problem worse"? (By ds going even more ahead).

Me- I am trying to do the greatest good with the less harm. Aren't we all? I know my ds need to have academic opportunities in areas of interest. He is miserable at school. If he was happy and wasn't actively asking to learn all the time; maybe I would be offering less at home.

I do understand the worry, but as others have said: your ds is going to learn way or another, because he wants and craves it. You are just helping him supply that need. I am slowly, very slowly that our children are not like or ever will be like average age mates (whatever average is anyways). Yet, they are who they are, and we have to nurture their interests and desires the same as we would for any child.

One other thought, if you ds was below grade level, you would have no (or very little) guilt for the time, effort, and exposure you would be providing for you ds to get him to grade level. All you are doing is letting him continue to learn. There's nothing wrong with that.

No helpful thoughts about school as we are in a similar situation. We are going to get ds tested (by a private tester) and hopefully receive some advice about school. If school is unwilling to help adequately, homeschool we will go. We'll see.

Honestly, I think you are a fantastic parent for advocating for your son and helping him have learning opportunities! Hang in there!

I'm scared too. I thought if he could do the handwriting and follow instructions he could advance to a good fit placement. We tried. The teacher said the pace of the class was too fast for him. He can read and write and follow instructions above and beyond the class he was placed in, but he and the teacher was saying the class was too fast. I don't know. I guess it's fine and he doesn't mind doing the easy work back in his original class. It does make me worry that he's only getting smarter and at the same time there's a glitch in the pacing issue. And it's not the normal pacing issue that I read about, that gifted kids learn faster than their classmates. It's closer to when gifted parents say the kids handwriting is holding them back, except my kid can write his letters fluently. Now I'm worried about where he's going to fit. I guess that I'm not worrying because he apparently fits in the pre-k class. I guess when it doesn't fit they'll do something.
What I'm thinking is what MON told me at another hiccup at the beginning of school... the kid will eventually get tired of messing around and show the teacher undeniably what they can do. I guess that's not going to happen this year. Your son's not trying to impress the teacher either, it sounds like. Actually my kid shows off for the pre-k teacher but stalls for the kinder teacher. Even if they can do the work in the next class it's no guarantee they will.
No suggestions, just saying I'm confused at this point too.
Hey, school's almost out for the summer soon enough.

Third grade is different. I suspect the K, 1 and 2 stuff is just filler until they're really able to focus. At the beginning of third they're nibbling around the edges of arithmetic, filling space with telling time and measurement and counting blocks and stuff. IME a talented kid just whips through all that in a couple of months. In third it gets real, and by the end it looks like they've got all four operations down pat with a lot of memorisation of the facts (I think, I have one that's starting third and one just finished it). And once you have that there's a whole world of enrichment, codes and geometry and tricky word problems and postulates and theorems and stuff. It's like learning to read vs reading to learn.

Hi,
Just wanted to add that my DS started happy, got bored, became miserably unhappy, started questioning the meaning of life-- all this right as he was turning 6.
so for my DS?
it didn't ever get better...
*i can't help but think his dx of autism-again even though no one would ever suspect it- but the teachers/staff know, and i think in DS case they didn't think he could possibly be "smart".

moving on, homeschooling is a GO for us
I even asked DS today if he would like to go to the local public school around the corner for the last 6wks of school, and he said "no way!", he is quite happy alone at home.
seriously, he was horrified he'd have to do "babyWork" again. I suggested he might enjoy making new friends in the area,
but he's ok. he has a pretty decent social life!
better than mine and he's 6!
anyhow,
sounds like you are going thru all the motions, it will hopefully workout and you'll find something that fits in with your child

Melessa - Thanks so much for this! That's an awesome perspective and I will try to approach it in this manner. If he is happy learning and asking for more he will get it. No more guilt!

MON - As usual, thanks for your insightful comments. You are right it probably is out of my control. I can try and encourage his direction and provide resources that I am comfortable with but I won't be able to stop him from learning. It's just so hard to watch your child start on a path that you know won't be easy so early in life.

Do you guys think six is a critical age for gifted boys? Mine was happy all last year but a couple of weeks before he turned six he started to complain school idle boring and he hates it. I have been advised that some kids are like that and to ignore it! Maybe that was the advice my parents got.