Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Do you ever feel like...

Do you ever feel like when you say to the school/teacher that there may be a problem with your child (e.g., dyslexia, dysgraphia, etc.) the teacher (and/or others) seem to scramble to prove your child is performing normally/average and/or on grade level thus there is no problem. And when there is evidence that your child is advanced in certain areas, teacher (and others) then scramble to 'prove' that your child 'may have some good days' but isn't advanced or in need of differentiation at all? That's how I feel. I guess that is the world of Twice-Exceptional but I find it highly annoying. With DS's current teacher (whom DS likes and she seems very good with DS - I am grateful for her patience, etc), I feel like no matter whether I am saying DS is struggling or advanced I am always viewed as completely off-base about my child (and perhaps having some secret agenda). I don't push him in math ... I do not even like math. He gets up in the morning and gets on IXL or TimezAttack (or dreambox or whatever website he has found that he thinks will be fun) and does the work on his own. I get the reports in my email... I see his progress on-line. Yet, I get the distinct impression that the teacher is suddenly out to prove DS is not ahead in math, just by the comments she makes to him and suddenly she is sending home a report of every/any stupid comment (I am not kidding - comments he makes) or mistake he makes in class. Yesterday, he said he told the teacher that he got up and practiced his multiplication tables before school (he does this on the computer - I have nothing to do with him doing this!) and she said "could you just please concentrate on getting your addition and subtraction down?" (she said this nicely and it did not upset DS). But I do addition and subtraction drills with him every night - I make him do those before he does his multiplication, if he is begging to do multiplication. He seems fine with them (which is why he is bored with them). Is he the fastest in the games? No. But he seems fine to me (the whole dysgraphia or whatever is going on with him makes hm not the "fastest" kid)... But he comes in 2nd place/3rd place and doesn't struggle with the answer more struggles with getting it out super fast. Why can't he do his multiplication when we get that out of the way if he is so motivated? It's not like he's struggling at all that I have noticed... He completely and totally understands the concept behind multiplication and the grouping (and actually figured it out awhile ago when he was 4 to my astonishment). He now realizes that he has to get them memorized b/c he can't be counting on his fingers( this actually only occurred to him when he realized he doesn't have time for that if he wants to beat the troll in TimezAttack LOL)... So he really is motivated to memorize them. Just annoying. I get the feeling that the teacher is gearing up to "prove" in our IEP meeting next week that DS needs to put the brakes on with math and accept that he is nothing special (She made a comment to me in an email that insinuated that DS just wants to *feel* like he is ahead). Just annoying and makes me feel yucky. And yes his test results do support me to some extent, thank goodness. He scores so high on reasoning and problem solving, etc., on the iq tests - in the 97th and 98th percentiles. Also his math achievement scores come in at a grade level of 2.9 - and he is in first grade... I realize this may be only high average for his age but he is actually only in first so it means *something* to me that he comes in at almost 3rd and he is only in first. I realize that he is not a genius but I can certainly see why he craves a little bit more and maybe a faster pace.

I had the complete opposite reaction from teacher when I expressed concern about his reading and writing backwards,ect. It was all proving how great he is doing.. meanwhile he reads words like "was" as "saw", etc., can't spell and writes every number and letter backwards WAY more than any other 1st grader despite years of OT.

Maybe I am being over-sensitive and reading 'tone' and comments wrongly. It's okay - the school is really great and I know it wil be okay... but I am just tired of feeling like I am being viewed with skepticism all of the time.

Okay thanks for letting me vent.

Just my opinion, but I think it is great to let kids explore their interests and passions. Teachers tend to want all kids on the same level, as that make their jobs easier. And may even reflect on their evaluations based on how the kids do on standardized exams. But in reality, kids are all over the map, especially at the early ages.

While it is always worthwhile to maintain a positive relationship with teachers, I would encourage you to follow your own parenting sense.

In any given year, part of my son's teachers will tell me that in all the years they've been teaching, they haven't taught a child as brilliant as mine. Other teachers will believe he is in special ed because his IQ is at the lowest end of the scale and that I am deluded. Others will think he's an average kid who is lazy and gaming the system. It's almost like the three blind men describing the elephant - they only see a small piece of a picture and decide that is the entire picture.

It is tougher in elementary school where the one teacher's opinion of your child is what you must contend with all year. In midschool, it gets better with more teachers meaning more chances of at least one of them "getting" the whole picture.

Thanks all. I knew you guys would get it - I am sure it is a very common experience of parents of 2e children. It's just so annoying.



Oh my goodness, MON, I think I would have punched her in the face!


Yup - my friend who is Buddist told me this same tale when I was telling her about the challenges with DS! I love that parable!




Agreed BSM!

I assume her statement was self-referential. A pathetic J. Alfred Prufrock-style cry for help, really.

I also assume you asked her to elaborate and eat her words, MON, possibly repeatedly, possibly with career limiting consequences?

Oh, I know how you feel. I had a school psychologist tell me last year there was no way on earth my son was on the spectrum (autism) because he self-reported many friends and made great eye contact! All his teachers and the principal and administration all went wide-eyed at that assertion. A few months later his diagnosis - PDD-NOS.

This year the spec. ed. coordinator keeps insisting the teachers aren't reporting any issues with DS! Meanwhile, he routinely has to excuse himself to sit in the hall to avoid meltdowns in class, slapped another child in the face a week ago, and has probably somewhere around 3-4 dozen zero's on the books due to simply forgetting work or misplacing. Yup, he's 100% on the ball, let's just all go home and forget about it!