Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Reg. Teachers' Negative Attitudes Towards Gifted

My DS13 is underachieving this school year mostly due to being under challenged and a few big emotional set-backs (his dog died, his grandfather died, being bullied, etc. in the month right before school started). I had a conference with all of his teachers after the first grading period to let them know about his emotional issues, and that I believed that with their encouragement and understanding, he could overcome his underachievement. I hesitantly brought up the fact that possibly his underachievement in school could be exacerbated by some of his gifted traits - over sensitivities, need for challenge and being visual spatial. I was told, "we are teachers, we are just here to teach. What do you want us to do?

My question to you is: When you have tried your best to work with your child's school, you know they are totally wrong, and you even have a private professional backing you up with facts, do you just walk away?

We know we are pulling our son out of school this week to homeschool because of his hostile learning environment, but it is so hard to resist the urge to let them know that they are ignorant of the unique needs of the gifted, and that underachievement in the gifted is almost never caused by a child not caring.

If you can manage to keep from lashing out (which would be very hard to do, I would imagine, but you always want to try to avoid burning any bridges if you can help it), I think this would be a great opportunity for you to explain to them why you are pulling your child out of their school and, in the process, educate them a bit about giftedness and the related issues that pertain to your son. Honestly, they will probably still think that they did nothing wrong and that your DS is "pulling the wool" over your eyes about his distress at school. But maybe, just maybe, they may care enough to hear what you have to say in a non-charged environment.

I would wait to give them the letter, though, at least until your DS is pulled out so that they don't retaliate in any way or say something to your DS that is not appropriate or helpful.

Good luck with homeschooling. I hope it works out much better for him!

If you have decided to homeschool you have the freedom to express yourself freely, even if this irks the school district. You could write a letter to the local newspaper or the local Patch web site, describing why you are pulling your son out of school. You may decide to return to the school district in the future, so this is not without risks.

Yes, sorry you're going through this. I know it is tempting to just give them a piece of your mind, but I agree with mnmom23 that you should leave first (so that you don't have to deal with any possible retaliation or foot-dragging, should you need them to do anything during that process of leaving) and then maybe either send a polite but pointed letter and/or have a calm conversation with anyone there who might be sympathetic or receptive to what you have to say. The goal being, I guess, to help you feel better about it and hopefully to help them deal with these situations in the future. I do think if you can do it calmly even if they don't agree with you now that maybe some of them will think about it later and possibly come around--we did have that happen once with one of DD's not-so-great teachers, and if we had just started yelling I'm sure she would not have listened to anything we had to say. Which is very frustrating.

My sister just pulled her son out of public school due to similar frustrations and it is much better for everyone, even though it's a lot of work for her. Good luck!

Maintaining a positive relationship may provide an opportunity to use the local school as a venue for extra-curricular activities.

Ok I may be WAY out of line here; if I am I apologize upfront, and please ignore my comments. At my sons school there is a gifted boy who is obviously gifted. All the teachers know and so does the student. He has no problem expressing this. He is also a bit of a show off, and can be a bit of a know it all. He is also outspoken and has a parent that is very involved in directing his education. Don’t get me wrong the boy is a good kid, he is just 14 and he needs to mature a little. I guess what I am trying to say is that if one person has a view of something, it could be biased and have little merit, however if many people share the same view there could be merit to what they say. That being said I am sure they all could deal with things in a more professional way; however I would not dismiss this out of hand and see it as that this is just gifted bias. Again it might be, I am not there, and it’s just been my experience that when a group starts to see things there may be something to it.

Wow, that's scary and you're in a tough spot. 13 is too young to get a GED and take community college. You can't afford to let him not do school at that age because he's old enough it's starting to count. You're going to have to repair his ability and love of learning if you homeschool. Look at EPGY online. They are advanced and made for gifted kids and at least he'll have a good example and someone besides you telling him to do his work once he's at home.
I like CBT, cognitive behavior therapy in theory (hubby's insurance wouldn't cover that brand of counseling, but I have a cousin who practices it). It's not talk therapy where you talk about your feelings and the root of your problem, it's "rational thought" therapy where you learn to evaluate your own responses and regulate how your reactions affect your future. Here, this link is really more for teaching children rational responses, but I think it sounds like what I imagine CBT teaches.
http://www.heartmath.org/templates/ihm/downloads/pdf/e-books/teaching-children-to-love.pdf

learn to: Stop. Pretend like you're breathing out of your heart for 5-10 minutes. Close your eyes. Ask your heart, "What response will help make this situation better". NOT- what's fair?..
but, what reaction can I choose that will create a better future?

This might be a good technique for gifted kids to learn, because they are KNOWN to have a high sense of Justice (they called mine a "high sense of entitlement"), but this technique of getting out of the brain and thinking with the heart when in high stress situations might make the old motto, "the best way to predict the future is to create it." and right now at your sons age it is critical that he begins to design his future, not because his choice will be set in stone, but because there are catipulting opportunities as an older teenager that if he doesn't decide he wants them and go for it then he'll be grown and living his life before you know it.

We have been taking the schools side for most of this school year. In that time, our son was evaluated by a professional who specializes in gifted children. He has been fully evaluated and we know full-well that he is a visual-spatial learner. Several weeks ago, the school was made aware of the findings of DS's evaluation and given the suggestions for visual-spatial accommodations, but nothing has been done. His teachers have not even been informed of these accommodations. The professional who did the evaluation has tried for two weeks to set up a phone conference with the principal, but the principal won't contact her.

Also, I was a public school teacher for several years, I know how this should work if the child's best interests were the priority.

I would walk away at this point (actually I would probably not take my ds out of school, but that's not the question you've asked). The reason, in your shoes, that I would walk away is that I don't see any benefit in explaining yourself to the school at this point. It sounds like you've done that (many times over) already, so chances are the school staff will know why you're leaving. Even if this situation is 100% clear as day that the school staff is somehow at fault, one parent/family attempting to educate is not likely to make a difference.

If you weigh the upside vs negatives of explaining to the school, and feel compelled to explain in the hope that you can foster change - honestly I feel the best way to do that is going to be to step aside, wait until you've let go of the frustrations of your immediate situation, and then reach out and find other families who've been similarly impacted who also wish to see a change. As one family, in this situation, it's going to be easy for the school to ignore what you have to say, particularly as a family that has been in a contentious situation with the school. As a group of families, approaching the school without an urgent personal agenda that is coming out of frustration, you have a better chance of making a difference.

I would also want to focus my energy on my ds at this time, not waste any of it lashing out at a school you've had difficulties with. I am not saying you'd literally lash out (I'm assuming you'd be PC in talking with the school), but it seems you are very frustrated reading your posts (saying the school is ignorant etc). I've found that there are very few clearly 100% situations in life - while the school may not be sensitive to the quirks of gifted children, they also most likely have some valuable insight into the minds of 13 year old children. You, the parent, are the expert on your child, but that doesn't mean the school staff is ignorant. I would also take a good look at what your ds' situation at the school was like last year, before he was dealing with the emotional issues he's faced with this year. Was he challenged or bored? Was he happy there? Did you have an ok relationship with the teachers then? If all was good previously, I would consider that what you're running into might not be entirely an issue of school staff not understanding the needs of gifted (or other) children, but instead might be that you've discovered a wall that many families run into when advocating for children with special needs.

I've got to run - I'm sorry I might not have explained myself well in that last paragraph... please know I'm not unsympathetic, I hope that taking your ds out to homeschool works well for him. I definitely feel for his losses, and 13 isn't an easy age for any child.

polarbear

Yes, you all are right to help me see both sides and to get a hold on my frustration which I maintain is still warranted, lol. I just needed to vent!

I've read SO much research and information about lack of funding for gifted education today, and one fact struck me: Homeschooling is quickly growing and the largest group of children turning to homeschooling is gifted children.

But, I will forego trying to school the school...